An Update...

I had an ultrasound yesterday and they saw one gestational sac. I'm kind of relieved that there's only one little bean in there. And he is apparently a strong little booger because yesterday and today no matter what I tried, I couldn't get ahead of the morning sickness. Today I texted hubby and he brought me in bread before I ever got out of bed. I sat up to eat and felt even more queasy and a little light headed. I keep reminding myself it's not as bad as my first pregnancy where I couldn't keep anything down for more than 10 minutes...and I ended up passing out a few times...then in the hospital on an IV drip to rehydrate me. I won't let it get that bad. I'm doing good though. I have only emptied my stomach once today, which isn't bad considering I've wanted to rid it of its contents several times. Hard candies and root beer are my friends!

I've also been having horrible night sweats with this pregnancy. I'm assuming it's the meds. I have at least another 5 weeks or so of meds. Possibly more because my calendar only goes until the end of January...I'm hoping that's because they're stopping meds then. The thing that bothers me is that if that's when I stop meds, I hope they're not having me stop cold turkey. They're not weaning me off of anything. Everytime they change my meds it's a "ok stop meds" not a gradual weaning off them like I had before. So much of this protocol is different!

But I digress...

The night sweats are so bad that I literally wake up on a soaked bed, in soaked PJs, with a soaked sheet and blanket. Then, when I try to get them to dry out so I can go back to sleep, I end up freezing! But I can't crawl back under the sheets, cause I'm burning up...plus they smell! Thank goodness my husband works third shift and doesn't have to deal with this! I wake every night between 4am and 430am and do everything I can to fall back asleep...then when I wake in the morning, I shower, Fabreze the bed, and put on new sheets. (And of course wash the previous night's sheets to prepare for the next morning.) Hopefully when the meds stop, the night sweats stop.

And my sense of smell is incredible! I got into the car yesterday morning and could smell grease and smoke. I texted my husband and asked him who he had in the car the night before. (He usually rides his motorcycle, but took the van because it was raining and below 30 degrees.) He says he had his friend, and asked why. I told him what I smelled and he said that he was a smoker, but he didn't let him smoke in the van...and that they went to get burritos, which accounted for the greasy smell. It was bad. I had to roll the windows down in order to air out the van...but no one else could smell anything!

Other than that, not much is happening. I have another ultrasound on January 6th to check for the heartbeat. I can't wait till we see his heartbeat and we know that he's all safe and snuggled in there for the long haul.

T is thrilled. She even started researching cribs. I'm so glad this has finally happened for her and M!

Morning Sickness....

So I had pretty bad morning sickness with my other pregnancies, and this one started out just like all the others. I tried every home/herbal remedy I could think of to no avail...then I tried something crazy: I ate regularly, regardless of the queasiness in my stomach.

The first day was hard. I woke up feeling sick, but I had some crackers and a root beer. (Root beer seems to help settle my stomach this time around.) I waited about 45 minutes and had some toast. Then about two hours later I had a protein smoothie. And the day progressed with me eating a snack, or a meal every two hours or so until bedtime. I felt sick the whole day!

The next day I woke, not quite so sick. I ate crackers before I ever got out of bed, and then drank my root beer. about 20 minutes later (because I was starving!) I had some juice, eggs (w/ salsa!) and bacon. I continued every 2 hours eating something until bedtime...and I had one bout of nausea all day.

And every day since then? No morning sickness. It's been great! I feel a little nauseous right now, but that's because I ate too much at dinner. (The babies apparently really, really like pork tenderloin...because I rarely if ever ate it before, and I had 4 servings tonight. I feel like a pig and should have stopped after the second but I couldn't help it!)

So Wednesday is the ultrasound. We finally get to see how many little beans are in there. I still maintain that there are two in there...either that, or this is so different because I'm pregnant within 7 months of giving birth to the last little surrobean. Either way, I'm pregnant and I'm so thrilled for T and M!

I've been trying so hard not to compare T and my first IM, G, but some days are harder than others. Like just before Christmas I needed to know how my calendar was changing. This clinic only gives me my calendar in little chunks. (I think it's so they can surprise me and it doesn't seem so overwhelming, but seriously, it just annoys the hell out of me!) Well, my calendar was ending and no one had given me a new one. I emailed the nurse coordinator and told her I needed a new calendar because I had no idea what I was doing the next day. I also emailed T and told her I had no idea what I was doing, and I also needed to know if I needed to order new meds, and which meds I still needed. Well, T was all over the clinic like white on rice! She handled business! The next morning I had my new calendar, my test results and I even had the old nurse coordinator (who is on maternity leave) email me and tell me that if I needed a prescription for Zofran for the morning sickness she would get me one! Go T!!

G on the other, when we had a similar issue after the hurricane, let me deal with it all and just kind of sat back and watched.

So yeah, T is way better at this, and totally tries to take the stress off of me as much as possible...and I totally love her for it!

Second Beta Results!

I just got our second beta results!

*drum roll*

636

I have my first ultrasound on the 30th, and the second on January 6th. At the point we'll know for sure how many.

I'm thinking twins, but that's because of the horrible morning sickness!

Speaking of which...last night I was giving myself my shot and I started dry heaving. It was horrible. I have a huge knot there now, and some serious bruising. It's ok though, because there is at least one beautiful little boy in there who needs me to stay strong and keep on keeping on so he can survive. And that, coupled with the excitement in T's voice whenever she talks about her son, makes it all worth it.

Have a great holiday season all! Keep believing in Christmas Miracles.

Second Beta!

I went and had blood drawn this morning for my second beta test. I'm kinda curious to see what this one is going to be. I thought since Friday, December 11th, that I was having multiples. I had never had such a reaction to pregnancy. I felt nauseous on the way home from Dallas the next day. I was extremely exhausted within two days. (Not all the time mind you, but there were times during the day when I got really tired.)

Hubby and I tried to chalk it up to the fact that my protocol was different this time around so I was reacting differently to the meds. Then I got the first positive at 4.5dp5dt (or 9.5dpo). Most women don't get positives that early. Hell, I've never gotten a positive that early.

Anyway, that's when I began to really wonder what was up. Then Monday's beta number came in at 304 and I got a little nervous. We'll see after today's though. I'm not going to jump to any conclusions until we have today's number. Well, that and the ultrasound.

So that's where we are right now. I'll post later today or tomorrow morning and let you know what the second number is!

The First Beta is in....

*Drum Roll Please*

The first number is....304!

Can you believe it? I nearly passed out when I saw it was that high. My head is still spinning! I can't believe it! I called T and left her a voice mail. She doesn't know the number yet though. I can't wait to hear her reaction. I wonder if she'll say the same thing did? ("Holy shit"...and it was just like that, deadpan)

Well, my second test is tomorrow and we'll see where we go from there!

Beta Testing...

I went this morning and had my beta test run. Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the test results. I'm so impatient! I emailed T and let her know that it was done and if she hears the results first to call me.

I feel guilty cause I haven't called her in the last day or two. I've been so busy trying to finish things up before Christmas, and then I get tired and nap. Add to that the morning sickness that has absolutely no rhyme or reason to it's comings and goings and life got really crazy, really quick. But honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. The morning sickness is a (albeit annoying) reminder that there is a little bean growing inside me. I'll survive the weeks of tiredness and morning sickness to see the look on T and M's faces when they see their son for the first time.

On a related note, I got a card from G with a picture of the kids. The baby is getting so big! It's crazy how big he is! His brother and sister are getting really big too. I remember when his sister when we first met and she wasn't even in school yet! Now she's a kindergartner! Boy how time flies...

...now if only it would stop crawling today and I would get my beta numbers!

Anyone wanna take a guess at what they'll be? Today I am 11dp5dt. I started getting positive results almost a full week ago at 4.5dp5dt. What do you think?

Bleh...

Ok, so over the past five days (yep, five days now...) I've been feeling nauseous in the evenings. Well, I woke up this morning and was feeling a bit off. I ate some toast...then I had a couple of crackers...then I promptly got sick. It looks like this is going to be a pregnancy where the first trimester is marked by morning sickness. It's ok though because every time I talk with T, the excitement in her voice makes the morning sickness seem not so bad.

I hadn't planned on telling anyone really (with the exception of a few people who have been praying for us) until we were out of the first trimester. Yesterday I was at the school and one of the teachers that I'm good friends with asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was doing well, just tired. She responded with "When you're pregnant, you need to rest more." I just looked at her and she started laughing. She said that was all the confirmation she needed...then she asked who the lucky family was. It's so nice to know that I have support from my friends!

I did ask her though why she thought I was pregnant. She said that I was starting to show (I'm just bloated from the meds), and that I had been really tired and nauseous over the past week. Even when we did the teacher appreciation dinner (to which I'm invited nearly every year because of my involvement in the school) I barely ate. Guess I'm not hiding it as well as I thought, lol!

Oh well. Go M.A.D!

I gave in...

...and I tested on Tuesday morning. I know, I know. I waited two whole days to post! It's ok though. I had to wait for my IPs to get the news...they did, after all, have a bigger stake in this than anyone else, hehe.

So here it is. Tuesday morning I woke up and tested. I looked at the test and thought I saw a faint line but I was so afraid to get my hopes up. My husband though came in and saw it and said yes, it is in fact positive!

(I've added a second picture of the original inverted so you can better see the positive line.)

So I waited and tested several hours later and the line was about the same. I don't have a good picture of that one, but anyway...

So yesterday morning I woke up and tested again. I had to have a good picture to share with T, M and C. I went into the bathroom, peed in a cup and ran two tests simultaneously. I took a cheap Equate (I say cheap, it's cheaper than the name brands...but certainly not inexpensive...holy crap those things are expensive!) and then I took an Early Response. Both have blue dye.

Both showed a positive immediately! All the tests are still kind of faint, but it's enough to definitively say that I'M PREGNANT! I'm so excited for T and M!

It was all I could over the past two days to keep my mouth shut! I sent a balloon bouquet to T and M that was all blue and said Congrats and Baby Boy and that kind of thing. Poor C (she's 20) answered the door when it arrived and the delivery guy told her congrats...I can't help but laugh because T and M (and C) knew that some people would just assume that it was C who was pregnant/had a baby, but no one expected it to start so soon! I digress. The balloons hadn't arrived yet and I set T an email letting her know she had a special delivery on the way....and then I waited...and waited...and then T called. The balloons hadn't arrived yet, but she wanted to know how I was doing. I nearly burst out of my skin I was trying so hard to keep quiet!

We tried to make small talk. I found out a few minutes later that she was trying not ask me if I had tested and was trying just as hard as I was to not tell her that her Christmas Miracle had arrived! She kind of asked if I had tested and I told her flat out that if she asks me directly if I tested, I won't lie, but I'm not going to volunteer the information. She flat out asked and I think I may have actually yelled that it was positive! Poor T must have thought I was crazy, lol!

I called Dr. Saleh's office to see about getting an early BETA test, but they said no. They want my first test to be over a certain number and so they only test on the 10th (or greater) day. Monday will be 11dp5dt. I'm curious as to how high my BETA number is going to be. This time around I'll get the numbers! (We're not in hurricane season, and even if we were, Dallas is so far from the coast that if a hurricane did hit, they would only get a little rain.)

T and I must have talked for at least 2 or so hours yesterday. I think she is the perfect IM! I love talking to her. I'm honestly not much of a phone person, but I could talk to her for hours. Last night we talked about everything! I caught her up on all the symptoms I've been having, which, by the way, started on Friday...kinda makes you wonder if both took? We talked about the transfer, and baby names, and my new puppy. (I just got a German Shepherd puppy and she has a German Shepherd.) We talked about M and how excited he would be when he got home from work and saw the balloons and heard the news. We talked about C and what a good kid (ok...she's an adult) she is. I just think T is amazing and I'm so proud to be able to help her.

Ok, I'm uber-hormonal. I had to take a break from that last paragraph. I started crying. I'm going to take off for now. Perhaps later this afternoon I'll make another post to list all the symptoms I've been having. Then I'll ask what ya'll think my BETA numbers are going to look like.

Go M.A.D!

(Go Make A Difference!)

To POAS or not to POAS

So I woke up this morning, and for the first time since the transfer I just had to pee on a stick (POAS)! I went looking through the medicine cabinet because I thought I had one test left over from the last surrogacy, but I actually didn't. I know it's probably still too early to test, and it probably would have come back negative...but seriously, I just had to test!

You know it's funny actually. Only women who are TTC, whether for themselves or for others, are in an elite group of people who can get away with being obsessed about peeing on something regularly.

Well, this morning I am 3.5dp5dt. This afternoon I'll be a full 4dp5dt...which if I remember correct is 9dpo. 10dpo is the soonest you can test and expect good results (usually). That means tomorrow afternoon I could test. Then again it's best to use FMU (first morning urine) so it would be Wednesday morning. let's see if I can actually hold out that long!

Beyond that, not much is going on. Just taking it easy now that the semester is over. I've been super exhausted the past day or two, so Kenny's been letting me sleep as much as possible. He goes back to work on Tuesday night. He's been off since last week so I could go to Houston for the transfer.

I'll probably run out today and buy a few tests. I don't think I can wait much longer to pee something.

Let the wait begin!

I am so excited to make this blog entry!

Wednesday I left home and drove to Dallas so we could transfer on Thursday afternoon. I was about halfway up there when my phone rang. It was T. We were awaiting the results of the PGD testing, and I figured that's why she was calling. Well, I was in a construction zone, and I wasn't going to answer...

10 minutes later I was able to listen to the message she left. I had to listen to it twice. T's voice was so calm and even that I wasn't sure I heard her right. The PGD test results were in. All the embryos were surviving. One had a chromosomal abnormality (XXY, Klinefelter's), but the other 5 were perfect...and they were all boys!

I was dumbfounded!

T and M had waited for so long to get to this point. We were afraid with the low number of eggs retrieved that they wouldn't get their baby boy this time around. But instead, all they got were boys!

So Thursday rolls around. I wake up in the morning, go and get a nice healthy breakfast and sit in the hotel room watching TV until my 3pm appointment. Around 1230 I decide I can't wait any longer or else I"m going to go stir crazy. So I go to the hospital. (Dr. Saleh's office, SIRM, is in a huge medical facility/hospital.) I find a little cafe and get something to eat. I sit outside in the atrium and as slowly as I can muster eat my turkey panini, chips and drink my water. I managed to last until 215pm. I decide at that point that maybe I should go up a little early to see if there is any paperwork I need to sign or anything like that.

I got upstairs, signed in, and within 5 minutes they took me back. I was put in a gown, and taken into the transfer room. I climbed up on the table (which BTW, had a nice foam pad on it to cushion me...instead of the typical hard exam table...Thank you, Dr. Saleh!) and they strapped my legs down in the stirrups.

The doctor came in and they found my uterus via ultrasound and decided where to place the little guys. Then the embryologist came in with the two embryos they decided to transfer. They verified my name, and T and M's names, and inserted the catheter. After waiting for one minutes, they removed the catheter, and the embryologist took it to the next room to examine it under the microscope to be sure the embryos did in fact transfer and didn't get stuck. Sure enough, they were in there! I got to see the pictures of them, and they were hatching already. They're are the most beautiful little embryos I have ever seen. (Ok, I might be a bit biased!)

They wheeled me out into the "holding" area and had me lie on my back for 35 minutes...then I was free to go on a "modified" bed rest. I was allowed to get up for a quick bite, a quick shower (no more then 10 minutes), and then back to bed. I was told to "veg out" or "be a couch potato" for the next 24 hours.

So I went back to the hotel room and just lounged around watching TV. I came home on Friday afternoon.

And now we wait.

For the past two days I've woken up between 2am and 230am to go to the bathroom and then haven't been able to get back to sleep. Last night, instead of tossing and turning and risking waking Kenny, I decided to get up and do something productive. So I went grocery shopping and got all the ingredients for a huge breakfast/brunch for the family. I'm doing a french toast bake, sausage and cheese stuffed croissants, bacon and eggs and a fruit smoothie. (Mine with soy protein!) I've also done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. If you were to walk in there right now, you'd have no clue I went to the store, let alone already prepped this huge breakfast. Now I'm just waiting until about 645 or so to start baking.

While I was at the store getting groceries, I had to resist the urge to by pregnancy tests. I know if they're in the house this early, I'm going to want to use them this early. Kenny told me he doesn't want me testing until next week. (Sunday is technically next week, right? ;) ) He knows how bad and guilty I felt last time I tested early and kept getting negatives. He doesn't want me to torture myself like that again. He wants me to remain as mellow as possible. He's too precious!

Oh! So last night I had to give myself the dual shots. Both went in, and off, without a hitch. In fact, my hips barely hurt today. Not sure what's up with this, but considering I have less than two weeks on the shots now, I'm thrilled! I started a suppository last night, which needs to be refrigerated. I'll leave you to your own devices about how wonderful that feels! Actually, I have an applicator to insert them this time, so it's not nearly as bad as the last suppositories that I had to put in "manually".

Well, I believe you are now up to date. I have two beautiful pictures of the embryos and with T's permission I'll post them later.

Go M.A.D!

Wowza!

Ok, so not a whole lot has happened...but what has happened is BIG! I mean HUGE!

T got the baby's first report card (I blatantly stole that from her...too cute!). All 7 embabies fertilized and are thriving! There are two Grade 1 and five Grade 2, so they're all great quality! By the time I get there tomorrow we should have at least one precious baby boy to transfer!

And then...to make things even better...I had to do the double shots last night. The E2V (estrogen) and the progesterone shot. Well, hubby gave me the one (ok, he didn't stick me, but he pushed the medicine in) and then I gave myself the other. I rolled over onto the heating pad, and fell asleep. I slept all through the night (which is huge unto itself cause I haven't been sleeping well). When I woke this morning, my hip barely ached! I'm feeling great this morning!

I leave this afternoon to go to Dallas for tomorrow's transfer! I would leave earlier, but I have one last class to make an appearance at...kick boxing. I just need to drop off my food journal and exercise log and then I'm out of there! I figure I'll be on the road by 1pm. I'll get to the hotel, get checked in, eat some dinner, and get a good night's rest. Then tomorrow I get pregnant!

I'll write more tomorrow after the transfer! Have a great day!

*Go M.A.D!*
(Go Make A Difference!)

"Knot" Today

Well, last night's shot went pretty well. I gave myself the shot in the right hip again. I did the right hip two days in a row so that tonight I can do the left hip, and then on Tuesday when I have to do the double shots, I'll do the right hip again. I'm hoping that by giving myself a day off before I have to do the double shot will help some. I'm considering doing the shot on Tuesday and splitting hips...meaning I'll do one in each hip. I'm not sure though.

So I've been sitting on a heating pad shifting my weight and trying to get the knots to loosen up some. I'm not visibly bruised, so that's a good thing. It doesn't mean I'm not hurting though. You can feel so gnarly little knots in there. God love my husband though! Last night he stood beside the bed and rubbed my leg as I gave myself the shot. The night before he actually injected the medicine for me. He hates the shots and he doesn't have to have them! I really appreciate the fact that he's there for me though. I can't imagine not having such an awesome support system!

And then there is my IM, T. I adore her. Seriously, she is the best. Don't get me wrong, G was a great IM and I love her too, but T...T has embraced this whole experience in ways I didn't expect her to. For instance, G attempted to induce lactation after my midwife and I talked to her about it. T on the other hand approached me about it! I totally didn't expect that, and I love it! I had one friend ask me how I felt about watching another woman breastfeed the baby I had just delivered. I told them it was her child, so her feeding the baby is different from me. She's bonding with the baby in a very intimate manner. I, on the other, was just feeding the baby, and, on a more selfish level, was trying to lose weight and make myself more comfortable!

I just love the fact that T is so willing to embrace every moment of this crazy journey we call surrogacy. It's awesome!

Well, I just got an email from my widwife, Sam. She's going to take me on again. She left the birth center I delivered my other surroson at and is now with another birth center. I just hope that my insurance will cover most of it, or that we can work something out so I can deliver with her. That's one thing that made me sad about my last delivery. I wanted to have her there with me, but she wasn't on call, so I had another midwife there. Don't get me wrong, it was still a beautiful birth and one I'll cherish forever (especially considering my husband was an AWESOME doula!)...but I think it would have been even better with Sam. I told my hubby today that if my insurance won't cover it, in order to save some money (and not have to drive as far while I'm in labor), plus for comfort levels I'd consider a home birth. I am only 10 minutes from the new hospital. They have a huge birthing facility and would be able to take me if an emergency arose...it does make me nervous though. It would be something I'd have to research before I really considered it.

So, we're just waiting for the fertility report. So far we know that 7 eggs fertilized and they look good. Now we're just waiting for a few tests to be run. Thursday is the big day! Keep praying that the little man keeps growing and is as ready for me as I am for him!

I'm back at it!

Well, I had considered waiting for another week to post, but I decided not to wait.

I have matched with a new couple! Not only have I matched, but I'm on meds, and we transfer on Thursday! I'm so excited!

T and M are wonderful. They've been together for many years, and have a beautiful 19 year old daughter, C. T is unable to carry another child due to a medical condition. M is a civilian working for the Air Force, and T is a stay at home mom.

So here's where things stand as of right now. Their RE, Dr. Saleh, has me on dexamethsone (a steriod), azithromycin (an antibiotic), Estradiol and progestrone. The Estradiol this time around is intramuscular injections in the hip, twice a week. I have to give myself the shots on Tuesdays and Fridays. The progesterone shots are daily. On Tuesdays and Fridays I have to give myself two different hip shots.

Last night was the first night for the two shots, and boy did it hurt! I'm having trouble sitting today. I'm not bruised, at least not visibly, but you can feel the knot on my hip...and by hip, you'll remember I mean ass. Ahh the joys of surrogacy!

I keep reminding myself how wonderful it will be when I see T hold her child for the first time. That's what makes these moments totally worthwhile.

Well, I'll update this blog regularly now that I'm matched and cycling again. I can't wait until I'm able to post my BFP! Thursday is the transfer day...so until then! Adieu!

Thanks for the well wishes...

It's been just over a week since I gave birth. I've cried a couple of times, but mainly because I was in pain. I wish I had some friends who understood what I was going through. Then when I explain to them how I'm feeling they won't think less of me, or think something is wrong with me...they'll understand because they've been there.

But as Donkey said in Shrek:

Cause I'm all alone.
There's no one here beside me.
My problems have all gone,
there's no one to deride me.
But you gotta have friends -

I've had a couple of people say congratulations, and I wanted to say thank you to them. I'm very proud of what I have done. I don't know if I'll do it again. I'd love to, but at this point, having only family and close friends to support me, I'm not sure. None of them understand exactly what I'm going through because none of them have been in my shoes.

On a more positive, upbeat note, I've been pumping for baby Jason! It's so weird to have bottles around the house again! I pump into bottles most of the time, it's just easier, but sometimes I pump directly into the freezer bags. My right breast produces about 6-8oz in a sitting (usually), and my left breast...well, I'm having issues there. I can never seem to fully drain that side. It has become painful and I'm worried that I may have mastitis. I've taken the drops my midwife gave me in the event of mastitis a couple of times, and that seems to help it, so I'll stay on that, and continue pumping regularly. I have quite a bit of milk in my deep freezer. G and I will see each other on Friday and I'll give her everything I have. Hopefully it'll be enough to last the baby a couple of weeks till I see them again.

Superwoman falls...

So here I am today, the day before I turn...old. (Nope, you're not getting my age...although I feel old, I'm still young at heart and I'll be young at heart until the day I die!) I decided that because I didn't have a baby to take care of slept pretty well last night, that I could do some running today without any issues.

Boy was I wrong!

I woke up at 545am plugged in my curling iron, and while it heated up, searched the bedroom for my "fat" jeans. I was a size 8-10 the day we transferred those three little embryos all those months ago. I figured the day after I delivered the gorgeous little bean that came from that batch, I should at least try to fit into my size 12s. (Never mind the fact that I still have the pregnancy "pooch" and have only lost about 22lbs since yesterday morning...which by the way caused my Wii Fit to freak out! That's a different story though.)

So I find my size 12s, grab a black tank top and my Victoria's Secret bra. I go into the bathroom with every intention of doing my hair, my makeup, and getting myself looking like Mrs. San Antonio again. After all, a pageant queen can't be seen looking all tired and worn out! (LOL) I put on my Baboosh Baby Taut. Oh yeah, I'm already looking a little thinner! I hoist the girls into my VS bra. I'm doing good. I put on my tank and smooth it down. Holy crap! You can hardly tell I was pregnant this time yesterday! (I'm sure the paleness in my face says otherwise, but we'll deal with that later!) Now comes the fun...my jeans. I go out and sit at the edge of bed knowing full well with the way my hips feel, I can't do this standing up. I put my legs in, stand up, and say a little prayer. The jeans slid right up over my thighs. The jeans gods are smiling down on me. Now for my hips. I remind myself that if I can't get them up, it's not my fault. I just delivered a 9lb baby less then 24 hours ago. I take a deep breath and pull one final time. And they came up over my hips! WOAH! Ok, ok. Let's not get too excited. I still have to button them. At this point, I'm fully prepared to lay on the bed, hold my breath, wiggle, squirm and use tools to get the zipper up if need be.

I take my final breath before attempting to button and zip my jeans. I close my eyes and bring the button to the hole...and it goes through with relative ease. I keep my eyes squeezed shut as I begin to zip them up...when suddenly I realize the zipper won't go up any further...because it's at the top! I'm in a size 12!!! WOOHOO!

It's at this point I begin to realize I'm getting tired. I unplug the curling iron. I had a shower the night before and my hair had a slight curl, with a wild hair here or there. So I just pulled the top part back and brushed it under. Viola! I decided to forgo the makeup. Hey, I got into my jeans. That's a huge accomplishment, right?

So we take the kids to school and drop them off. One of the teachers waved at me, and we stopped to say a quick hi. He realized I wasn't pregnant and asked for some details. I proudly told him "Yesterday morning! He was just over 9lbs!" He gave me a hug through window and said he was proud of me.

Hubby and I decided to get breakfast. I decided I was feeling well enough to be seen so I wanted to go to my new favorite breakfast spot, The Egg & I.

This is where Superwoman begins to realize she's not impervious to everything.

We get there and are seated. The benches are hard wooden benches. I can do this. We order...and I'm doing well. I get halfway through breakfast and realize the wooden benches aren't the greatest thing to sit on the day after giving birth. I'm tough though. I can do this.

We leave breakfast and go get coffee from Starbucks. I get my typical Soy Latte, but this time it's not decaf! MMM, caffeine! We then run to Walgreens because I need a few personal items. (I'll spare you the details!)

As we pull into Walgreens, we hit a little pot hole. My hip begins aching and I feel a slight burn down below. I take a deep breath. I'm Superwoman. I'm Superwoman. "Even when I'm a mess, I still put on the vest, with an S on my chest, Oh yes, I'm a Superwoman." We park. Hubby helps me out of the van and reminds me to breath. Do I look like I'm in that much pain?

I'm a Superwoman.

I walk into Walgreens. Ok, at this point, I'm not walking...I'm kind of shuffling. Each step becoming more painful then the next. Halfway through our little shopping trip, it becomes painfully (and I mean PAINFULLY) obvious that I have bitten off more then I can chew. I might have been able to fit into my jeans...but I wasn't quite big enough for my britches.

I manage to get back into the van and we head home. As soon as we get through the door, my jeans came off and sweats went on. I laid down in bed intending to rest for a few minutes. That was around 930am. I woke up at noon and was hungry. I was also hurting pretty bad. I realized that I had over done it.

I think tomorrow Superwoman is going to sit around the house with her feet up. The most walking she'll do is from the fridge to the couch, and the couch to the bathroom.

I have delivered a healthy baby boy!

This has been an amazing day!

I woke up this morning at 250am to a contraction. This contraction was much like all the other contractions I've had over the past few days. I got up, walked to the bathroom and found blood. I was shocked. I had two more contractions in the ten minutes I was in the bathroom.

DH was switching his schedule back to his work schedule (he works third shift), so he had just gotten up. I walked into the livingroom and told him I wasn't sure exactly, but he might want to let the guys at work know that he may not be in tonight. He told me he'd wait just a bit to find out if things fizzled. I told him I was going to lay down.

But I couldn't get comfortable in bed at all! So I put the birthing ball at the end of the bed, leaned on the bed, and tried to fall back asleep. I had my laptop to time contractions "just in case". After 45 minutes of contractions getting stronger, and closer together, I told hubby it was time to call the midwives. I called and she asked to meet me at the birth center in 45 minutes. This gave me 15 minutes to get things in the car, get someone to watch the kids, and then the 30 minute ride. I then called G & K and let them know what was going on.

This is where the fun began!

The person who was supposed to watch my kids was unavailable. We tried a few other friends, none of which answered the phone. I absolutely did not want the children there. My children are sensitive, and I was afraid I would scare them if I screamed. (Now that I think about it, this would have been a good time to talk with the older three about the dangers of sex! I missed a learning opportunity...oh well! ) Because of the age of our children, DH decided they could stay alone. (We came back to a slightly cleaner house, and no one needed stitches...I'm impressed!)

We left for the birthing center. My contractions were 3 minutes apart. By the time we got there, they were 2 minutes apart. They checked me and said I was about 95% effaced...she said that she would have said 100% but you're never 100% so I was close enough. The baby was at 0 station. I told her I was shooting for a 5 or 6 dilation. I was a good 5 quickly heading to a 6.

I went to the bathroom again (the toilet was so comfortable to sit on!) and waited for the tub fill up. I decided shortly thereafter to get in the shower and wait. I kept asking DH if my IPs were there yet. In the shower, I began to feel the urge to push, but tried hard to ignore it. My IPs weren't there yet! I was getting out of the shower because I had to pee again. I made it to the toilet, and one of the midwives told DH that my IPs were there. I don't think I even said anything when my water broke and I announced that it was time to push.

I heard my IPs state of shock. It had been just over an hour since I called them to let them know I was in labor...and here I was ready to push.

EXCEPT!

I refused to leave the toilet. They had the birthing stool ready and I knew that if I delivered there G (my IM) could deliver her son. I also knew I could not deliver on the toilet. DH got rough with me. He took my arm, and told me to get up...it was the time I had waited for. Instinctively, I did what he told me to. When he had told me to relax, it helped with contractions. When he told me to try to move positions, it helped. This was only going to help me too.

I got to the birthing stool (sort of in shock that I was wanting to push already) and sat down. I pushed for what seemed like minutes. I was told it was about 15 minutes because I would rest and wasn't pushing as hard as I could. (I don't think I was as comfy as I thought I would be!) I pushed the baby's head out and felt so much better! I went to rest before pushing his body out, and realized something didn't feel right. I had some pain about an hour earlier on my right side just over my placenta. My midwife told me to push. For the first time, she got forceful and told me to push harder. At this point, hubby leaned into my ear (which he had done several time before) and told me that I needed to start pushing had, and now. He hadn't steered me wrong, so I did. To this point, I hadn't cried out in pain, or screamed once. As I pushed that final time, I screamed. The pain seemed to split me in half. (I realize now that it was more of a release of all of the stress and frustration I had felt over the past hour or so coming out in that one symbolic scream. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself! :) )

Jason was in his mother's arms covered in blood, and staring at everyone around him. He wasn't crying, which made me nervous, but no one else seemed to care. I realized at that moment that something was wrong...but it was with me. I was told (or maybe they were telling DH...things were starting to get fuzzy) that I was getting a shot of Pit because I was bleeding heavily. I didn't even feel it...I saw it. I was told to push. I tried, but couldn't find the energy. I needed just a little break. DH again leaned into me, pushing me forward, held my hands and a little more forcefully told me to push. I started pushing. I knew it wasn't much...but I was trying. I don't remember a whole lot after that. I know I got another shot of Pit, and pushed a few more times. The placenta was delivered. I leaned back on hubby and the only thing I remember after that (for at least 20 or 30 minutes) was him holding me and telling me how amazing I was, and how proud he was of me. He held me there while we watched G & K fawn over their new son. I felt so content.

I was helped onto the bed, and laid there watching G nurse her son, while K cooed and grinned ear to ear. Hubby sat next to me holding my hand whispering affirmations and words of affection. I got to nurse little Jason for almost an hour. I'm shocked at how I feel about him. I just adore him...as though he were my nephew, or my best friend's baby. He and his parents hold a special place in my heart and always will. My husband, somehow, managed to get the picture I wanted. A picture of G mere seconds after the delivery of her son, grinning ear to ear. The picture makes me cry. The love in her eyes and joy on her face are the reason I did this. The emotions are so raw and so pure...nothing can compare.

I am home, resting comfortably now. I've fallen asleep twice while writing this. I guess it's time to take a nap. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I've never felt so proud of myself as I do today. Happy Memorial Day and Happy Birthday to Jason!

Interesting Night...

It's just after 230am. I woke up from a horrible nightmare, crying.

In my nightmare, I was strapped to a hospital bed. My husband was tied up in the corner of the room. My IPs were standing over me and there medical personnel everywhere. My IM asked the doctor how much longer before I had the baby. The doctor said he didn't know. She looked at her watch and then my IF said he had to get back to work. They then decided that it would be better to do a C-section and take the baby out so everyone can get on with their lives.

I woke up as they were cutting me.

I can only assume this dream was a result of the phone call I received around 4pm. G wanted to know how I was feeling and when I thought I might deliver. I told her I was currently at Walmart and hadn't started the pumping/walking cycle to help further induce labor. I told her with the way I was feeling it would be tomorrow morning at the earliest. She said that they were trying to decide whether K should go to work or not. He had a 5 hour drive one way to get to work, and was worried that if he went, he'd miss the delivery. She also seemed frustrated that I hadn't started the pumping/walking cycle. I don't think she understands that for one full cycle I'm stuck in the house, pumping for over an hour, then walking for 20 minutes, and lastly resting for at least 45 minutes looking and timing contractions.

I have four kids. My first obligation is to them. I had to get them from school, and get some last minute things for dinner. Once I did that, I came home and did a cycle.

I had some contractions, but nothing that would send me running for the birth center thinking I was in labor and ready to deliver. Instead, I went to bed.

Once I woke from the nightmare, I went to the bathroom. When I wiped, there it was...

BLOODY SHOW! This usually means that birth is within 24-48 hours! Hopefully my next post will be my birth story!

Quick Update

Did you know that your outer bag of waters could tear, leaking fluid, and then reseal itself?

I had no clue! So last night, when my water "broke" I was thrilled! It was ready. I called my midwife and my IPs and let them know what was going on. I had my instructions to rest, drink plenty of fluids and eat. When my contractions got stronger and so on, to come on in and we'd have a baby!

So I drank water as usual, ate my dinner, and after the kids went to bed, I went to bed. I woke up this morning still not having contractions...and no longer leaking fluid. I checked the towel I slept on again, and there was no fluid. I called my midwife and chatted with her. I chatted with my IPs and promised both I would let them know when things picked up.

Then about 15 minutes ago, when things still hadn't moved along, and I was starting to get nervous, I called my midwife to ask what I should do. This was when she told me that it sounded as though I just leaked some fluid and my bag of waters resealed itself.

So here's the course of action as of right now: First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to the birth center and they're going to check me to see if my water fully broke, or if it's all good and sealed up (or whatever). Then they're going to strip my membranes, give me some herbs and start me on a pumping routine. The routine that my midwife told me about today (with the herbs and pumping) usually causes women to go into labor within a few hours after they start. Considering I'm dilated to about a 3 (almost 4) and 90% effaced, my body's ready and it shouldn't take too long!

So tomorrow or Tuesday and this little boy should be making his appearance! Cross your fingers and say a prayer. I could use it. (Especially for the patience to wait for labor to begin!)

39 weeks...and I can't sleep

So here I am, 39 weeks! Can you believe it?!?! As I sit here, unable to sleep because the baby is moving and I'm having contractions, I look back on what a wild journey this has been.

I remember when I first met G & K. I met them at Fuddrucker's. I took my youngest with me, as my oldest three were in school. My husband was asleep, because he works third shift. I remember how awkward I felt, sitting there at the table, getting to know this couple and their youngest daughter. Once we had gotten past the initial hellos and really started talking, we realized how much we had in common and felt at ease with each other.

Within hours of getting home, I received an email saying they wanted to work with me. I was so excited because I wanted so bad to help this couple. I had "matched" with another couple and they just kind of dropped off the face of the earth. They quit responding to me, and wouldn't even respond with the agency...so that fact that G & K responded to me regularly and quickly was a wonderful change. Add to that the fact that they had been through a surrogacy before, and knew what to expect, made things even better.

Since then it's been a roller coaster ride. Our first cycle was canceled because the embryos didn't survive the thaw. Our second cycle worked perfectly and resulted in this pregnancy. It's so exciting to think that with someone else's egg, and someone else's sperm, I became pregnant with a beautiful child.

Well, I'm finally getting tired! Hopefully I can go to sleep and dream about going into labor...and maybe wake up in labor! *shrugs*

Appointment with Midwife Today!

So I had an appointment with my midwife today. Not a whole lot has changed. I'm dilated to a 2, but can be easily stretched to a 3, and am 80% effaced. I asked her to strip my membranes and she did. She said my bag of waters is bulging. G, my IM, is hoping I go into labor in the next day or two. Sam, my midwife, says she expects to see me next week at my appointment.

Even so, I'm still having prodromal labor. Today's contractions have been pretty steady at 17 minutes apart. Over the past 2 hours or so, they've felt like cramps and my back has been aching. This, although annoying, is a good a sign. If they get stronger, or if they get closer together and last longer, I'm to call Sam immediately and go in to get checked.

Here's to hoping!

Contractions and Back Labor

Well, I've been having contractions on and off for a couple of weeks now. These are nothing like what I had with my last pregnancy. Those contractions actually sent me to the hospital three times in the last week. Maybe this time I'm just more cautious. I told hubby with my last two pregnancies I delivered in a hospital, so if I felt the need to go to labor and delivery, there were going to be nurses there...and they'd be there even if I didn't go. But this time, with delivering at a birthing center, I have to call the midwives, and have one of them come to the office...so if it's a false alarm, I've bothered them for no reason.

Because of that I have a checklist I go through. If I get through the entire checklist and am still having contractions, then I'll call the midwife. So if I have more then two contractions in 30 minutes, I:

1. Sit down, and relax with a glass of water. I may surf the Internet or watch TV. If contractions continue, go to #2.
2. I eat a snack...preferably something high in protein. If contractions continue, go to #3.
3. Take a nap. If contractions continue...
4. Go for a walk. If contractions continue, seriously start timing because I'm in real labor.

If I make it all the way through those four steps, yeah, it's go time. It's a matter of waiting for the contractions to get harder and closer together. Usually though by the time I even get to the nap phase, things have started to die down.

Last night I thought for sure was go time. I was having contractions every 7 minutes that lasted anywhere from 42 to 51 seconds. I got some lemon water (mmmm, lemon water!) and a granola bar. I rested and ate and drank. It didn't help. By 1230am I'm thinking I need to rest especially since it looks like I'm going to have a busy night ahead of me. I lay down on my left side and doze in and out of sleep. The last time I looked at the clock, it 2am. Next thing I know, my alarm is going off at 6am and I'm not having contractions. I was really tired though!

On top of that, I keep having horrible back pain. It comes and goes. The midwife has told me to sit on my birthing ball at home and that will help. Hubby's been making me sit on it off and on since she said that. Today, I was resting he again rubbed my hip and back and he dozed off.

He's been amazing through all of this. He's been so supportive. Even over the past week when I've needed more resting periods. He's gotten up from sleeping and made dinner so I didn't have to. He's the greatest.

Well, I'm getting tired. I'm going to go rest.

30 days left!

Wow, I can hardly believe that we're so close to the day my IPs have been waiting for for so long! (And admittedly, I've been waiting for as well!) Today we are 35 weeks and 5 days!

I had an OB appointment yesterday with my soon-to-be former OB's office. My IM was there, but because they did the Group B Strep test, she wasn't back in the room with me when they listened to the heartbeat, etc. The baby is doing great. He's head down (or so I've been told, and that's how it feels...we haven't had an ultrasound since the one around 21 weeks). The doctor was measuring me when I had a contraction, so he decided to check my cervix. I'm about 1cm dilated...nothing to get super excited about. BUT...something is going on in there, and the OB said he expects me to live up to my typical birth, which is between 3 and 11 days before my due date. If I deliver 11 days before my due date, that makes the child's birth date Sunday May 10th. MOTHER'S DAY! I would love to give birth on Mother's Day! I know G would love to welcome her newest child into the world on her special day as well.

Speaking of delivering...G called and spoke with the birth center. After asking her questions of them, and finding out that she can indeed help deliver her child and then reading all the benefits of delivering without pain medication and minimal medical interventions, she set up an appointment for us to go speak with the ladies (midwives) there. I told my hubby that I found it hilarious. This entire journey G has let me set up the appointments and work with everyone's schedules...but this time she was so excited she set up the appointment for us. I was so glad! So the where and how of my delivery is settled. That makes me feel so much better! It's such a relief...and to know that G and K are so excited about this new change makes it so much easier.

I just had another contraction. Nothing major, but enough to make me stop and say "hmm". I figure that I'll have contractions on and off for the next week and a half...then I'll actually start having regular, time able contractions. (And I mean, I'll have one every 30-45 minutes lasting 30 seconds or so, until about a week later then they'll get closer and longer.) That's the way it went with my last pregnancy. Although it was tiring, I was so ready to deliver at that point, it didn't matter where or how I delivered, just so long as the constant contractions stopped!

So, I'll update again after my appointment with my midwives on Friday!

Are you serious?

It has been a crazy week. My washing machine died. My water heater is heading the way of the washer...but we managed to fix it temporarily. (Hopefully it'll last at least another 3-6 months!)

On top of that, we're still trying to figure out the whole birthing situation. I called and talked to my IM, and just let her know that I had found a birth center, but my insurance didn't cover it, so that was out. She asked how much it was out of pocket and I told her. She said that she thought they could pay that and they were willing to do that. I was so excited and told her I'd email her the information. Well, that was Friday. I haven't heard from her since. No email. No phone call.

She had suggested that we rent a hotel room up in the Medical Center near the hospitals and I can labor there and then move to a hospital when I'm ready to push. The problem is, if I holler out in pain, or make too much noise, someone is going to call the front desk, or 911, and I'm going to be taken to the hospital before I'm ready. It's just not a smart solution.

So here I am on Sunday, waiting for the delivery guys to drop off my new washer and about two hours ago I started having contractions. I'm trying to relax and not think about the fact that I'm weeks away from delivery and there is no plan in place for where I'm going to deliver. Seriously, I'm so ready to just say I'm delivering here at home, and after the baby's born, we'll all head to the hospital. I'm just frustrated.

I'm a planner. I have to have a plan for darn near everything...especially something as important as this. To be this close to the end, and not have a clue what's going on, that's so hard on me. I feel anxious and frustrated. Everyone around me keeps saying not to worry about it, if worse comes to worse I can just deliver at the hospital we toured. The thing is, if I deliver there, I can almost guarantee I'm going to have feelings of resentment toward...well just about everyone. I'm already angry with my OB. Hubby and I have talked and I've told him that my OB is being fired at the soonest possible moment. Not that it matters. I found out that she's closing her doors to become a stay at home mommy...and I'm her last patient. Which now that I think about it is probably why she has no issues not seeing me again and pawning me off on who ever has a spot open in the office.

I just don't know. I need to get some more water and put my feet up.

Can't stop crying...

So I think I blogged about my OB abandoning me with some other OB I've never met. Well, last night we went on the tour of the hospital. Let's just say I wasn't impressed, and in fact was scared. My IPs also weren't very happy. For starters, to even get in the hospital, you have to submit to a search (a pat down, and searching your bags). There are at least two guards at the entrance to the hospital, but you may still have to wait a while to get in.

Secondly, the hospital just seemed dirty. There were lights out in the ceilings, the elevators hadn't been mopped in a while. It just wasn't very welcoming.

We finally got upstairs to the Labor and Delivery department and walked around for nearly 10 minutes in and around patients' rooms, wandering around the open nursery (where three newborns were left unattended) and then found the lactation consultant. We spoke with her briefly, and then met the guy for the tour. The guy who did the tour told me that he received an email saying that I would be bringing extra guests with me, so he knew why I had an entourage. Then he start the tour by telling us where to park, and that we were not to bring anything with us. He must have said at least four or five times "DO NOT bring an over night bag." Finally he takes us back to a delivery room. The room barely fits four people, let alone our group of "tourists". He then says that in this room we are only allowed to have two people. He looks right at me when he says this. I already knew that I wasn't going to be allowed to have my husband and IPs in there. My OB basically told me that I wasn't going to have anything I wanted. He then goes on to say that we are not allowed to have any video equipment or cameras until after the baby is born and the doctor okays it. This means I don't get the precious pictures of my IPs the moment the baby is born.

We then go over to the post partum room and he continues to explain about visitors and how only one person can stay with me, and how I'm going to be in the hospital for at least two to three days depending on the delivery. This means I don't get to go home within 12 hours to rest and recoup at home...this also means that half the time my hubby doesn't get to stay with me, because the IPs and their family will take those "visitors" spaces.

The guy completely ignored questions from my IPs and only answered my questions and hubby's questions. We left the tour and decided that we would try to find something else that would better for us. As we walked outside we noticed something was wrong with our car...someone had vomitted on our car.

So last night, during my inability to sleep, I decided to try to find a better place to deliver. I found a birthing center right across the street from the hospital we toured, and next door to the hospital I usually go to for emergencies and such. I called my insurance who told me that they cover any birth center that has a licensed nurse on staff. I was thrilled. I called the birthing center and spoke with someone who gave me all the information I needed, told me that the birth plan I had written up was standard care for them and would be honored fully. I was so happy. I gave her my insurance information and then emailed my IM to let her know what I had found.

I got a phone call about an hour later saying that my insurance wouldn't cover me. The birthing center was considered out of network and wasn't covered...even though they met all the criteria set forth in my plan. They gave me the price of pre-natal care, labor and delivery, and 6 week post partum check up, which was all cheaper then what a hospital would be...but I know my IPs can't afford to pay out of pocket for it. I started crying. Hubby decided to call the insurance to find out what birthing centers were covered. The lady at the insurance company tells hubby that there aren't any birth centers in a 50 mile radius that they cover. She quit searching after that, and told hubby to have me deliver at a hospital.

I've been crying since. I now have to deliver in some small room without everyone important to me there. I will be stuck in bed with constant monitoring, an IV and not allowed to move. I won't be allowed to eat or drink for the time I'm there. I've also been told, per the tour last night, that as soon as I go into labor, I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything else.

So basically, I get to deliver the way someone else wants me to. I get to be tied to a bed, and end up having to have an epidural because I can't move to deal with my pain. This also means that I get to deal with the back labor I always have. I get to have the epidural migraine for days after delivery that I always get. I get to be starved and poked and prodded...all for someone else's comfort. Someone is going to have to miss the birth...and I have to make that decision. Either leave my husband out, or leave the father of the baby out. I have to use stirrups instead of holding my own legs to be more comfortable. I guess at this point I need to keep my blinders on and just keep reminding myself that as long as my IPs get there baby, I should keep my mouth shut and just deal with it.

Abandoned by my OB...

I don't even know where to begin.

So about a month ago, my OB tells me I need to come back in two weeks. I'm thinking "Woohoo! I'm finally into the appointments every two weeks!" This is a huge milestone in a pregnancy. It means you're nearing the end of the road, and you'll soon see the product of all your hard work, etc. So I go out to the front desk and set up my next appointment two weeks out...only to find out that my OB is going on vacation for two weeks and won't be back until the following week. So my appointment was actually three weeks away. Ok, fine.

The following appointment ends and I'm told, "I'll see you in two weeks!" (This was a Thursday, because Tuesdays and Thursdays are the best for us.) We go out to make an appointment before we leave and low and behold we're told..."Dr. V has closed her clinic during the week. The only day she's open for appointments now is on Friday." Wait? What? How is that convenient for anyone other then the doctor?

Ok, fine, we're over a barrell...just deal with it. Then this past Friday I had an appointment, was shuffled straight from the exam room into the plebotemist's area and took off before I had a chance to make my next appointment. So today I call to set up an appointment...and the other shoe drops.

My OB's office is going to be closed for the Fiesta holiday on Friday April 24th, when I'm supposed to have my next appointment. Besides that, my OB is going on vacation until the week before my due date. So now I'm being told I have to see another OB on Monday April 20th. After that, who knows what's going to happen. The receptionist said that I'm going to have to see whatever OB is available around the time of my appointments. I asked her about what would happen if I go into labor before my OB gets back into town. She told me that I would be at the mercy of whatever OB was on call at the hospital. When I asked her if she knew what OB would be on call at the hospital (the one I've never been to, and am told I have to go to because it's the only hospital my OB has priveleges at) I was told she wasn't sure because they rotated with two other offices! I may not even have a doctor from my OB's office!

WTF! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

I feel as though my OB has just abandoned me. When I talked to her over a year ago about being a surrogate one of the things we talked about was if she was going to still be in practice. She was about to have a baby and I wondered if she was going to want to stay home. She said no, she would be here through the entire pregnancy, not to worry about it. And here we are now. She's closing her practice and spends more time on vacation then she does taking care of her remaining patients. Seriously, if you're going to be done with it all, at least tell me so I can find a new OB and have to do it within the last month of my pregnancy when things are stressful enough.

In it for the money...

I'm so sick of people saying that surrogates are only in it for the money. There may be a surrogate somewhere who only did her journey for the money she received but by and large, surrogates do it because they truly care about others.

I'm tired of looking through ads in my search for new IPs only to read ad after ad saying "We're looking for a surrogate who really cares and isn't in it for the money." Are you kidding me? No amount of money would make me want to regularly shove needles in my body for months on end. No amount of money would make me want to suffer the heart ache of a failed cycle, a miscarriage, D&C or any other thing that could go wrong while trying to get pregnant. And what about the aches and pains of daily pregnancy? What about the pain of labor and delivery? What if you have to have a C-section? How about bedrest? Even if you don't have mandatory bedrest at the end of pregnancy, most doctors put you on at least two days of bedrest right after transfer. How much is it worth to miss time away from your husband and kids?

Would you change your whole life, and take time away from your family and friends, risking your life and who knows what else just for a couple thousand dollars?

Yeah, surrogates do it for the money...like we couldn't get a dang job that paid better and came with way less risks, aches and pains.

Quick Update...Labor scare

This is going to be short and sweet. I'm just too tired to give a big long update.

For two days now I've had some pain in my back and cramping. I've been super busy and had a ton of energy though. The kids, hubby and I completely cleaned the mini-van. I took it to the car wash and scrubbed it top to bottom. I vacuumed the inside (which if you've ever tried to waddle around in a mini-van while 33+ weeks pregnant, it's not easy!)

I cleaned and began organizing the house...or at least two rooms in the house...top to bottom. I put together a shelving unit for the family room. I cleaned the kitchen and was a supervisor as my daughter cleaned the bathroom. (It's the only room I can't clean anymore. There are no windows and I worry about the chemicals.)

On top of that, I've been dealing with school. First off, the only parking lot with spaces available is about 1/2 mile away from my building. So I walk 1/2 mile to my building, take the elevator to the third floor, walk all the way to the other side of the building, then all the way back after class. I go down one floor, and then (luckily) two doors down to my second class. Once that's done, I walk the 1/2 mile back to my car. It's exhausting! Well yesterday, I was running late, and only planned on dropping off my test and coming home to rest. I had to park in the very back of that parking lot. This meant walking 3/4 of a mile to get to the building, getting to the classroom...and then having the professor tell me that he meant to text me back and let me know not to bother coming cause he was extending the due date on our test. I wanted to cry. I walked the 3/4 mile back to the car. At this point, the cramping is bad! When I sat down in the car, I felt something wet in my pants. I nearly freaked out!

I rushed home, got to the bathroom and realized there was some watery discharge. (It was still mucus-like, but more watery then normal.)

I came out to the couch and laid down to rest a little. I had, after all, only gotten four hours of sleep the night before. I ended up sleeping all day. I fell asleep around 930 am and woke up at 230pm. I called the doctor to ask what I should do about the back pain/slightly cramping and the discharge. I was told to rest on the couch with my feet up for a bit and see if that helped. If it didn't, then I was supposed to go to the hospital's labor and delivery. I called my IM, G, and let her know what was going on.

Needless to say, after getting some sleep, and then resting the remainder of the evening, I was feeling much better. My IM offered to get me anything I needed, including a house keeper. I told I would be just fine, and promised not to do as much until the baby is born.

I keep forgetting I'm not a kid anymore. I need to get more rest. (which when the kid is most active at night is hard to do!) Anyway, I'm going to try to take a nap on the couch for now.

230 down...50 left to go

I am 32w5d pregnant. We are in our final weeks of pregnancy! I can't believe it!

I've been having Braxton-Hicks contractions almost daily. I had a bit of a scare yesterday when I had a Braxton-Hicks and felt some discharge. I was in math class. I left the lecture quickly (not that my idiot of a math professor was saying anything that was actually useful to, well, anything). When I got to the bathroom I realized I lost more of my mucous plug. (Yep, there's that famous little glob of mucous, rearing it's ugly head!)

The baby has begun to drop. I am carrying low anyway, but when he dropped I could (still can, and will until I deliver) feel him hitting my pelvis. My hips are widening and I've officially started "the pregnancy waddle".

On the plus side, we're nearly there! I have 50 days left before my due date! As I am typing this, I'm watching the baby's knee, or possibly his foot, ripple across my belly. It's amazing to think that in a few short weeks, this little chunky monkey is going to come into this world and complete a family who, even a year or two ago, wasn't sure if they would have a child. And I helped, in some small way, to create this family.

Well, I am going to go take a nap before I try finishing all the things I have to do today. I need to call the hospital to schedule our tour of labor and delivery! Before I go...here's a picture (taken two days ago) of my ever growing belly.

...I don't want to hear any comments about me being in my PJs still. I'm pregnant, cut me some slack! Oh! And absolutely no comments on the road map I'm creating on my stomach. I figure if I create a road map in stretch marks, I'll never get lost!

Have a great day!

Off of bedrest...but only for a day!

So Tuesday I had my appointment and the doctor said that I passed diabetes test. My iron is low, which we knew, but it's no longer so low I need to force myself to eat meat AND take iron pills. I can just take the iron pills. Everything looks great. I'm getting big! I've gained 5 pounds since my last appointment two weeks ago.

That was Tuesday.

Today, DH and I picked up the kids from school and ran to the store to grab some last minute things before dinner. While there, I had to use the restroom. (Hey, I have a 4lb bouncing bundle of joy right on my bladder...) I went into the restroom and realized I had bled a little. And by a little I mean there barely anything, but still enough to take note of. I came out of the restroom and called the doctor's office. The nurse practitioner told me to go home, and put my feet up. The only reason I would be allowed up would be to use the restroom. She told me it's probably nothing, but to be on the safe side, kick my feet up and let someone else take care of me.

So here I am. Laying in bed. Bored. I watched Twilight with my middle daughter. I ate dinner, and now I'm surfing the internet. I'm getting tired, so I'll probably fall asleep here before too long. I keep telling myself it's all worth it, but it's kind of frustrating. I feel super guilty for taking time away from my husband and kids. DH keeps telling me it's ok, and not to feel bad, but I still feel bad.

Quick Update

So yesterday we went for the 3D/4D ultrasound. My IM made it with the kids, but my IF, IM's mom and sister weren't able to make it. The baby, which since the ultrasound I have affectionately dubbed Chunky Monkey, barely has any room in there. He kept his face buried in my placenta. (I've had guys bury their faces in a lot of my stuff...but my placenta is a new one! HEHE)

His cheeks are already filled out. He was opening his eyes, and his mouth. He showed us his little hands. OH! And he has a full head of hair! Which if I believed in old wives tales and the fact that kids with hair give heartburn, I would have told you months ago. Actually I think I did say that months ago!

I think the most amazing thing though was the fact that you could look at the pictures of him, and then look at his sister who was sitting on the couch, and they look so much alike! It's uncanny!

As for the 4D, the actual moving pictures, he moved plenty. They took over 30 minutes of video of Chunky Monkey rolling around. His parents are so thrilled. I'm so glad to have given that to them.

After the ultrasound, we went out to eat. Us three adults with 6 kids! The waitress asked which kids belonged to who...I pointed out our 4 kids. My IM pointed out her two, then pointed at my belly and said "This one is mine too!" The waitress kinda looked at us and said "Oh." To which I responded, "Yep, she got me pregnant! This one is hers!" G seemed to just love it! She emailed and said she had a great time. I'm so glad she did.

On a more personal note, today was my kids' Kite Day at school. I went to take pictures as one of the photographers for the yearbook. I was outside, on my feet, all day...and I forgot to put on sunscreen. So needless to say, I got sun burnt...very bad. Now I have sun poisoning, on top of being dehydrated and aching from head to toe. Right now, I'm laying in bed, hoping that bed time comes sooner rather then later so I can take another Tylenol.

Oh well, that's what I get for not paying attention to my own body.

Well, that's about it for now. I have another OB appointment on Tuesday. Hopefully we'll learn something new...like exactly how big the baby is at this point.

More updates soon!

Bedrest...are you kidding me?!?!

Well, last week the doctor ordered me on "modified bedrest". I'm supposed to be taking it easy. When I'm sitting, I need to have my feet up. Absolutely no lifting. I have to take my blood pressure regularly and keep track of it so as not to go over 140/90. (My average is 120/60.) I'm also having issues with my blood pressure dropping below 90/50. The doctor isn't sure why my blood pressure is all over the place, but it is.

So I was doing very well just relaxing and trying to let DH and the kids deal with everything. Then this morning, I got up, made Monkey Bread for the kids' breakfast and went to sit on the couch. DH came home, pulled out the Monkey Bread and got some for the kids. My back was aching a bit, and I was just thinking I had slept wrong. I got up to use the bathroom and when I was there, I realized I had started to lose my mucus plug. I called the doctor (completely forgetting my OB was on vacation) and the on call doctor called me back. He had no clue what was going on with me, and wasn't aware of anything regarding my case. I caught him up to speed (plus I think he had used the computer to log into the office and pull up my records or something) and he told me that at this point he wants me to rest with my feet up. For the rest of the day I'm allowed to sit on the couch, and go to the bathroom. That's it. No other anything.

That's all well and good, except for the fact that DH works third shift and is passed out in bed already. I have four kids and the youngest had surgery just over a week ago. I think the kids are going to have pizza for lunch. Either that, or I'm going to have to trust that one of my children can make lunch...so pizza it is! The other thing I'm worried about is that I have school tomorrow. I can miss one day if needed, but if I'm on put on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy, then I'm going to have to drop out of school. That hurts, but I can't think about that right now.

This little one is so active today! He's been flipping and flopping around since about 8am. The doctor says that's a really good sign, and the main reason why I haven't been asked to go to the hospital yet. He's reassured me that it's prefectly normal to lose my mucus plug this early and it doesn't necesarrily mean that I'm going to go into labor. He's more worried about my blood pressure readings from the past three days. (It's been all over the charts with the highest being 151/98 and the lowest being 83/41.) My diet has been altered and I'm being told to add red meat to my diet. (Last time I was just asked to add it, now I have to add it!) I also need to add foods high in potassium, like bananas, melons, kiwi, oranges, milk, and spinach. Most of these things I'm eating already, but apparently because I was exercising regularly (for at least one hour a day 6 days a week) up until a few weeks ago, my potassium levels are low, which could be causing the issues with my blood pressure (in addition to the diarhea I had the beginning of the week). At least that was my understanding from what he was saying.

So anyway, I'm stuck laying here on the couch. The good thing...the kids are being great. They're upstairs playing quietly! There's a first for everything!

29 week appointment

So I had an OB appointment yesterday. My IM was running just a little bit late. She came in just after we listened to the heartbeat, so I asked my wonderful OB if we could listen again. She said yes. Initially the baby's heart rate was in the 140s. After his mom arrived though, he got super active and his heart rate dropped slightly to the high 130s.

I finished drinking my "kool-aid" for the gestational diabetes test and then we had to sit around for an hour before they could draw blood. It was nice though because we were able to sit and chat and catch up. My poor IM! She's an accountant and because it's tax season she's been so busy! It was great seeing her just relax and us being able to talk for the first time in a while.

We then went and had the blood drawn and parted ways...but not before we got some pictures. She got a new picture of me (an awesome belly shot) and then we got some great pictures of us together.

I got a phone call from the OB's office and I am slightly anemic. I need to add some red meat to my diet...which considering this entire pregnancy I've been so close to being vegan that now to add red meat...I just don't know if I can do that. It has nothing to do with morals or anything like that. I just don't like the taste of most red meats. My hubby is going to buy me tacos for lunch, so I have the ground beef. I guess I'll survive and eat it...even though I'd rather have a salad and a smoothie. The other thing the OB told me was that any time I'm sitting, I need to have my feet up. I've been having issues with swelling this pregnancy. My blood pressure has also started going up. That in and of itself is nerve wracking! My usual is 120s/60s...yesterday it was 147/90. They waited 20 minutes and rechecked and I was down to 129/68, so it was better. I'm still being told though that I need to take it easy and quit trying to do everything. OH! And I was also told I need to quit wearing high heels all the time. I was told once a week was more then enough. I then reminded my OB that I am Mrs. San Antonio and have obligations to my crown and appearances to make...she told me to make them in flats. I guess I have to comply because the last thing I want to do is put this baby in jeopardy.

We have a 4D ultrasound in two weeks. I can't wait to do that. G, my IM, has invited her mom and sister to the ultrasound to meet me. I can't wait to meet them. I also have little gifts for G & K's son and daughter. Just little t-shirts that say "I'm the BIG sister" and "I'm the BIG brother" They're cute!

Well, that's about it!

Third Tri!

We're officially in the third trimester! Today I am 27w3d. I'm so excited to be in the home stretch! We have 88 days to go...

Unfortunately, with that mere 88 days comes some hardships that 99% of pregnancies face. I've started having trouble sleeping...even more then I was having before. I just can't get comfy. When I finally do fall asleep, I have to wake up shortly there after to go to the bathroom. Then about 30 minutes later I wake up because I'm parched and need a drink. Then the cycle repeats itself about three more times through out the night.

I'm so glad my husband has been letting me take naps whenever I need them. (When he's awake himself of course...one of the curses of him working third shift.) He's been trying so hard to help out around the house and with the kids. Speaking of kids...my youngest is having surgery on Wednesday. Nothing serious. She's having tubes put in her ears, and her tonsils and adenoids out. I'm trying not to stress but it's hard when you're worried about your little one. She's been eating like a horse lately. I think she's going through a growth spurt...which is going to make it harder when she can't eat much. She is thrilled though that the doctor ordered her to eat ice cream and Popsicles for a week straight.

Well, I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday so I'll update then!

Only 95 days to go!

Wow! I can't believe it! Our third trimester starts on Thursday...and on top of that, we're in double digits for days left in the pregnancy!

It's been an amazing journey so far. We had some interesting issues at the start of the pregnancy when a hurricane rolled through and we didn't get test results back. (Speaking of which, I still haven't gotten those BETA numbers! *shrugs*) In fact, they ordered the wrong test, then the right one, and I never got the results.

Then I had horrible morning sickness, to the point where I had issues getting out of bed without feeling sick. Thank goodness for Zofran! I don't know what I would have done without it. (Actually I do...I would have gotten very, very sick!)

Then I injured my shoulder on the minivan. I still can't believe I tried to stop the van door from opening. I learned a very painful lesson that day.

But beyond those few things, this pregnancy has been good.

I sent my IPs an invitation the other day for a 4D ultrasound. I'm so excited! I got them a big package at the ultrasound place that gives them a DVD and a package of pictures of the baby. I'll be about 31 weeks when we have the ultrasound done, so they'll get some really good pictures of the baby. It'll also give them a really good idea of what the baby will look like. I can't wait to see the look on G's face when she sees her son!

I got some really cute maternity clothes the other day. I bought some clothes off of Rockstar Moms. I have a Rolling Stones tube top, and an AC/DC halter now. I also have a tube dress. Hubby bought me two multi-way dresses, one in red and one in black.

On Thursday I went and got a massage. It was great! I've never felt so relaxed! I'm planning on going back in about three or four weeks for another one. I'm going to have a mani/pedi day in the next week or two. It's been really nice to be able to pamper myself lately...especially considering I have a three page paper due on Wednesday and a 7-10 page research paper due in a few weeks. I have a test in Math on the 25th, the same day as my youngest daughter's surgery.

Speaking of which...my youngest daughter is having surgery on Wednesday February 25th. Nothing too major. She's having tubes put in her ears, and having her tonsils and adenoids removed. I think we're more nervous then she is. She's thrilled about having ice cream for almost a whole week afterward.

So that's about it. Hopefully I'll have more to report in a couple of weeks!

So not much has been going on. I'm getting bigger and it's obvious, to me at least, that the baby is growing stronger. I made a video a couple of weeks ago for my IPs. I set the TV remote on my belly when the baby was moving and recorded him kicking it and making it move. My IM loved it!

I haven't bee getting much sleep lately. The baby moves at night when I'm trying to fall asleep and then I wake around 2 or 3 am to go to the bathroom and then eat.

Speaking of eating...I'm still eating super healthy. I haven't had red meat in several weeks. I'm munching on fruits and veggies if I need a snack. I've been drinking my protein shakes religiously. Last night in our spaghetti, we had pork sausage, so that helps too.

Beyond that, not much going on with the pregnancy. I'm surprising my IPs with a 4D ultrasound. I have to get the invitations sent out today. I can't wait to see my IPs faces when they get to see a great picture of their son!

So not a lot has been happening lately. I'm just over 24 weeks now. I had an appointment on Tuesday, but my IM couldn't make it. Nothing really important happened, so it wasn't a big deal. The baby's heart rate was in the 150s, as usual. I've gained 6lbs since the last appointment 5 weeks ago. My blood pressure was perfectly normal.

I went out and bought a maternity belt because I'm having round ligament pain...or at least that's what the doctor said it was. I've had round ligament pain, and this feels like I pulled my abdominal muscle. I've also bought some more clothes for myself. I need to find someone who can make me some formal dresses, and help me alter some suits and other outfits.

Which leads me to my exciting news of the month...

I am the new Mrs. San Antonio. Yep, I have the crown, sash and everything. This is why I need some formal dresses and to have my clothes tailored. I'll be making appearances through out the rest of my pregnancy. Then, three weeks after my EDD, I have the state pageant. That should be interesting. I need to have a dress that fits wonderfully, and doesn't make me look too fat. The one thing I figure I'll have going for me is the fact that with a cincher, or corset, my waist will look smaller...especially considering I will breastfeeding and my milk will have come in. My boobs will be huge and my waist will be smaller. *shrugs*

So that's about it. Nothing exciting going on.

Not a whole lot going on...

Howdy all!

Things have been relatively quiet lately. I started school, and had some issues with a girl in one of my classes. My professor, one I had taken a couple of times before, overstepped his boundaries and announced to the class that I was a surrogate. This girl in my class made some comments in class, then after class she made even ruder comments to me. The school and the professor dealt with the situation though, and I won't have to deal with the girl in class again. I may still see her after class because her new English class is right next door to mine, and right after mine. I'm sure she'll be standing out there as I'm leaving. Hopefully there won't be any problems. We'll see.

The baby is doing great. He's kicking up a storm! My youngest daughter, my husband and most importantly, G, my IM have all felt the baby move. He's a strong little bugger! I have another OB appointment here soon. I figure it'll be the status quo...nothing exciting happens in the next couple of few weeks, other then the baby getting bigger! I'm not growing a whole lot. With that being said, I stepped on the scale this morning and I've gained 15lbs since starting meds the beginning of August. The baby, although on the big side, is measuring within normal limits, so I shouldn't complain! I'm barely showing, and if I wear my favorite sweatshirt, people don't even know. It's so funny, because even as I write this, I'm wearing my sweatshirt, and the baby is kicking the snot out of me! And you can barely see my baby bump! It's weird because this is thee smallest I've ever been in any of my pregnancies, but this will probably be the biggest baby I've ever had!

Well, that's all I have for now. As soon as I have my next OB appointment I'll update.

It's A...

So we had the ultrasound today. The baby is growing like a weed. The baby weighs 14oz. (approximately) and measures right on target. We got to see all ten fingers, and all ten toes. It was an amazing sight when the baby rolled slightly to the side. The baby twice kicked the ultrasound scanner right on. The baby didn't like to be poked at, lol!

So I'm sure you've noticed I keep saying "The baby" when normally I would say "he" or some similiar word. This is because I want to keep the gender a surprise for just another couple of minutes...oh, who am I kidding, some secrets are meant to be shared!

G&K are having *drum roll* A BOY! And this little boy is quite the exobitionist. He rolled slightly and spread his legs. The tech had barely put the scanner on my belly and there was his little winkie for the world to see. She took a picture of him laying sideways so you could see him, his legs, and his "boy parts". She put an arrow pointing and typed "IT'S A BOY!" G is going to scan one of the pictures and send it to K (he's out of town)...after he tries to guess, she going to send him the one that says "IT'S A BOY!"

I'm so excited for them! I'm going to go out sometime this week (probably while I'm at the mall getting some support hose...stupid vericose veins are starting show!) and buy him a little outfit, and probably bear or something. I'm so excited for them!

Things that go BUMP in the night...

So as is common for me, especially when pregnant, I get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, or get a drink. More often then not, when I'm pregnant, I also eat.

My husband, who works third shift, finds it funny when I come stumbling out of the bedroom at all hours of the night and make my way to the kitchen. Last night was no exception. Now let me start by explaining that I sleep "au naturale"...I just can't stand the feel of PJ's while trying to sleep. Secondly, as I mentioned earlier, I get up in the middle of the night...this is far different from waking up in the middle of the night. When I get up, I'm somewhat awake, but certainly not enough to make any major decisions or operate any heavy machinery.

Back to last night...

I remember getting up and using the restroom. The baby, in his typical fashion, was bouncing on my bladder. I'm almost certain these days he does it out of spite...perhaps as pay back for eating spicy foods, or anything Italian. (More on that later!) So I make it to the restroom, and suddenly realize I'm parched and must have a drink. Still wondering if I'm in a dream and at the same time trying to figure out why a family friend was in my dreams and what that all meant, I stumble out my bedroom door, and into the hallway. My bedroom is just off of the living room...and our floor plan boasts an open living room and kitchen area. So I stumble out of the bedroom, dressed in what God gave me, turn down the "hallway" and immediately into the kitchen. This is a path I have taken literally hundreds of times before. Sometimes my journey ends when I get a drink...but sometimes I feel the urge to eat anything I can get my hands on. There have been mornings when I wake to realize the last yogurt cup has been eaten, or I had carrots or some other fresh fruit/veggie. Luckily I've never tried to actually cook something. (There's a recipe for disaster. Splattering grease, naked pregnant body...half asleep woman trapped in naked pregnant body...enough said.)

So there I am, in the kitchen. I stop at the refrigerator and get the chocolate milk out. I chug it for...well, I take a nice long drink. I replace the lid, say goodnight to my husband and walk back to the bedroom. Since Christmas, we've had a couple of rolls of wrapping paper behind our door that I need to take care of. So I get to the bedroom, and open the door. I apparently open it much harder then I had expected to, because the door bounced off the wrapping paper rolls, and back at me as I was walking through the door. The door hit me in the head, which fully woke me up. I turn around and from what I can see (because I don't have my glasses on and I'm nearly blind without them) hubby is desperately trying not to laugh at me. He asks if I'm OK...and all I can manage is "I walked into the door." I'm sure I sounded like a 3 year old whining to her daddy...but it hurt, and I was tired. I stood there rubbing my eyes for a few minutes...at which point I turned and promptly walked into the door again.

It was at this point that I heard DH do that laugh that you can try to pass off as a sneeze. You know the one you do when you're trying really hard not to laugh. Yep, that's the one I hear from across the living room. I just walked into the bedroom and went back to bed. I'm sure my husband had a good laugh at my expense...and I'm sure it won't be the last time I walk into the door.

So, an update on the baby. We have an ultrasound tomorrow to find out if there's a girl or a boy in there. As many have seen, I keep saying "he", "him", and so on, but we don't know for sure. The baby has been super busy moving around in there and just being generally active. Throughout this pregnancy I've had issues with eating garlic, but have more recently added nearly any Italian food to the list. Especially red sauces...those give me horrible heartburn! The baby doesn't like these at all, and if I try to eat them, I swear he tries to get out through my belly button just to escape the food.

We went to court on Friday for the PBO. The judge granted it without hesitation. He said his daughter had to use a surrogate because she can't carry a pregnancy. It was kind of nice having a judge who understood the process and why we were there on a personal level.

Well, that's about it. I'll have a huge update tomorrow! (And I'll include pictures!)