Sunday, April 19, 2009

Are you serious?

It has been a crazy week. My washing machine died. My water heater is heading the way of the washer...but we managed to fix it temporarily. (Hopefully it'll last at least another 3-6 months!)

On top of that, we're still trying to figure out the whole birthing situation. I called and talked to my IM, and just let her know that I had found a birth center, but my insurance didn't cover it, so that was out. She asked how much it was out of pocket and I told her. She said that she thought they could pay that and they were willing to do that. I was so excited and told her I'd email her the information. Well, that was Friday. I haven't heard from her since. No email. No phone call.

She had suggested that we rent a hotel room up in the Medical Center near the hospitals and I can labor there and then move to a hospital when I'm ready to push. The problem is, if I holler out in pain, or make too much noise, someone is going to call the front desk, or 911, and I'm going to be taken to the hospital before I'm ready. It's just not a smart solution.

So here I am on Sunday, waiting for the delivery guys to drop off my new washer and about two hours ago I started having contractions. I'm trying to relax and not think about the fact that I'm weeks away from delivery and there is no plan in place for where I'm going to deliver. Seriously, I'm so ready to just say I'm delivering here at home, and after the baby's born, we'll all head to the hospital. I'm just frustrated.

I'm a planner. I have to have a plan for darn near everything...especially something as important as this. To be this close to the end, and not have a clue what's going on, that's so hard on me. I feel anxious and frustrated. Everyone around me keeps saying not to worry about it, if worse comes to worse I can just deliver at the hospital we toured. The thing is, if I deliver there, I can almost guarantee I'm going to have feelings of resentment toward...well just about everyone. I'm already angry with my OB. Hubby and I have talked and I've told him that my OB is being fired at the soonest possible moment. Not that it matters. I found out that she's closing her doors to become a stay at home mommy...and I'm her last patient. Which now that I think about it is probably why she has no issues not seeing me again and pawning me off on who ever has a spot open in the office.

I just don't know. I need to get some more water and put my feet up.

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