tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50208664902619227512024-03-21T21:36:21.694-07:00The Life of a Surrogate MotherI am a surrogate mother looking for a place to release my feelings. I will take you through my journey as a gestational surrogate.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-60925261214154209202010-08-18T08:49:00.000-07:002010-08-18T08:49:49.691-07:00Michael Christopher has arrived!Tuesday August 17th just before 2am I woke up because I felt a little off. I went to get out of bed and my water broke. I called my midwife and let her know that my water broke, but I wasn't having contractions. She said to call her back when I started having contractions. We hung up. I decided to wait to call my IM as nothing was happening and there was no use in her losing sleep. I figured I would call when I started having regular contractions.<br />
<br />
I tried to rest, but was a bit uncomfortable. I was having some contractions but they weren't regular. They were fluctuating between 3 and 5 minutes. I probably should have called my midwife, but I felt that because she has three kids she shouldn't be called out of bed until they were regular...boy did I learn something about that logic!<br />
<br />
At this point I was sitting at my computer playing games. I realized the contractions were much stronger and taking my breath away. I got up and walked from my desk to the bedroom to wake my hubby and then to call my midwife. I had a contraction on the walk into the bedroom, and another when I got in there. They were two minutes apart and lasting about two minutes. I called my midwife (who, BTW, lives an hour and a half way). She told me she would call her assistant (who only lived 30 minutes away) and let her know that it was time to head over. Because of issues with my bank card, my birth kit hadn't been ordered yet, so Alisa, the assistant midwife stopped by her birth center to pick up one of her kits for me. This was at 4 am.<br />
<br />
As soon as I got off the phone with my midwife, I called my IM. She said she would book the first flight she could and would be there in ASAP! Hubby fielded a call from Sam, my midwife, who told him to keep me in bed on my side until she got there. I told him I had to pee first. I had a contraction walking into the bathroom. Hubby had run and grabbed the sheets to make the bed so I could labor there if I wanted. While in the bathroom I had another painful contraction. I got down on all fours because I couldn't stand and I was afraid if I sat on the toilet I would start pushing. Hubby had already told me I wasn't allowed to push. Well, while I was on all fours, I had another contraction and felt the urge to push. Between contractions I didn't have to push, but during them, I wanted to so bad. Instead, I tried to breath.<br />
<br />
It was at this point, while in the bathroom on all fours, that hubby looked in from making the bed and realized what was going on. Now I blame on the TLC birth stories and such that I watch for educating this man on different birth positions...either way, he told me to get up because I wasn't allowed to do anything that would progress labor before one of the midwives got there. He got me out of the bathroom and into bed. I laid on my left side and tried to breath. He pushed on my back and talked me through each contraction telling me to blow. Between contractions, he ran to the dryer to warm towels and prepared the bedroom. The entire time he was on the phone with Sam telling her what was going on.<br />
<br />
Sam kept telling me I was doing great. I felt like I was losing control. My body went on autopilot and no matter how hard I tried, it did what nature taught it to do on instinct. With each contraction I would blow and pant and squeeze my husband's hand...and with each contraction my body would slowly start pushing him further out. I could feel him move out, and then as the contraction ended he slid back up inside. Sam kept saying I was doing great. Kenny was giving her moment by moment updates. He kept trying to get me to breath...and I kept trying to hold him in until someone arrived.<br />
<br />
Have you ever seen the movie Rat Race? You know when the family is in the car and the girl says she has to use the bathroom. The tells her to hold it, and she says she's "prarie dogging." Well, I told Kenny I was prarie dogging and he kind of laughed...until the next contraction. He immediately told Sam the baby's head was poking out. About 1/4 of it was showing. She asked what color it was. He told her flesh colored. I said that he was moving between contractions, which is a good sign and I remembered this from my midwifery books. I had another contraction and didn't think I could wait another minute. That was when Alisa came walking in!<br />
<br />
Because of my history of postpartum bleeding she drew up a shot of Pitocin, had me roll onto my back and with one breath (literally, I breathed through and barely pushed) Michael's head was out. Sam came running in, and with that last push (I actually got to push on that one!) his body was out. I couldn't believe I had managed to keep him until the midwives arrived. It was 504am. <br />
<br />
I got to cut Michael's umbilical cord. I didn't bleed at all. I delivered the placenta and was doing great. Alisa and Sam held Michael while Kenny ran and got coffee and breakfast. I started to feel a little off and got a shot of Pitocin to slow the bleeding that had started.<br />
<br />
That's when things get a bit more fuzzy for me. I know that I had a slow trickling bleed that was well maintained by my midwives. I got two shots of Pitocin and then a Methargine. I lost enough blood to make me going into shock...but just less than enough to need to be transported and have a transfusion and all that crap. I'm so glad I had Sam there to help me maintain my composure. I trust her fully, so when she told me I wasn't going to die, I just needed to relax and drink some more, I believed her. (Although there was a moment when I was on my back, getting oxygen and it sounded like I was underwater and I couldn't focus that I wondered...)<br />
<br />
When T, my IM arrived, I was so proud to hand her her son. I had already said my goodbyes...it was time for her to say hello. I gave her a hug and she admired her little man. He immediately showed her what has become my favorite thing about him...he clasps his hands together across his chest, interlocking his fingers, as though he were praying. It's only appropriate considering his name. Michael means "who is like God" and Christopher means "Christ-like." Maybe all those prayers I said all those months ago while being sick on the floor in the bathroom had more influence on him than I thought.<br />
<br />
I'm healing well. Kenny is following the midwife's orders to a T. I'm not allowed to do much of anything today. Tonight I can take a car ride. We're going to ride to Sonic for slushes. If I'm lucky tomorrow I'll get to go to my youngest's Meet the Teacher night at school. It will be a little walking around, but I think it'll be good for me to get out.<br />
<br />
I'm still not sure what this journey was supposed to teach me, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Either way, this chapter in my life is coming to an end. I'm excited to see what the next chapter brings!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-8648852725791285532010-08-18T07:50:00.000-07:002010-08-18T07:50:27.396-07:00Sunday August 8, 2010Oh what a night!<br />
<br />
So yesterday I wasn't feeling well. I thought I was dehydrated as no matter how much I drank I wasn't urinating. Then it started to feel like if I didn't go I was going to explode...but I still couldn't pee. My back started to ache and no matter what I tried, I couldn't get comfortable. When I would go into the bathroom only a few trickles of urine would come out. I was really starting to get worried!<br />
<br />
Around 1030pm I took two Tylenol, a Holy Basil, a melatonin, and a Unisom...my nightly routine. (Well, I don't normally take Tylenol, but the pain was growing so intense, I had to!) I was hoping to be able to fall asleep and wake in the morning feeling better!<br />
<br />
I dozed off for about 30 minutes. I woke around 1120pm and was in so much pain! I just knew I was in labor! I tried to time the contractions, but they were constant...there was no break! I sat on my birth ball in order to progress things and figure out what was going on and that's when it hit me. While I was having contractions, that's not what the pain was from. My back was killing me! My bladder was on fire! And to top it off, I swear I felt a direct line from the pain in my back to my bladder. <br />
<br />
It was then it dawned on me. I had a kidney infection. I gave myself an hour to start peeing (because I still hadn't peed...at all) and then I was going to the hospital. I drank three more glasses of water and around midnight I went to the bathroom because I felt (again) like I had to urinate.<br />
<br />
...and boy did I go!<br />
<br />
Have you ever seen A League of Their Own? You know the scene where the girls are in the locker room and Tom Hanks comes in drunk and goes into the bathroom and starts peeing...and one of the girls starts timing him when it seems as though he's been peeing forever. Yep, that was me! I must have easily released half a gallon of urine! Every drop of it burned coming out, but I felt so much relief in that moment!<br />
<br />
When I went to wipe, there was some puss with pink tinge. There was more in the bowl. There were also two floating "balls" surrounded by puss. (They weren't that big all...about the size of well of the period on this page. I probably wouldn't have even seen them if not for the fact that they were literally coated in bloody puss.) I grabbed a cup and fished them out of the bowl. I had just passed two kidney stones.<br />
<br />
About an hour later, around 1am, I passed a third one. After that I slept like a rock. I felt so good! Today's a little bit of a different story. I feel like someone punched me in the kidney. It's nothing like it was yesterday...more like it's bruised. I told my husband that when I got up off the birth ball last night to try to go, I had already put clothes on because I fully expected to be leaving for the hospital a few moments after. He said he did too. I called my PCP (primary care physician) and he told me to save the stones and set up and appointment for Monday. He's going to send me to a urologist as this is the fourth time I've passed a kidney stone. (This being the most severe with me passing three stones at once.)<br />
<br />
What I can't believe: This little guy managed to stay put through all of that! He's been moving just fine today with a regular, strong heartbeat. I'm so glad that it didn't affect him! There was a point last night where I was certain he was going to make an appearance. I had everything prepared and the list of phone numbers for hubby to call ready. The only thing I was waiting on was a good set of contractions to show I was in labor and it was go time. I can't imagine how bad I would have felt calling everyone and getting them all up and ready to go...only to pass some kidney stones and have it be a false alarm!<br />
<br />
The day is coming though. And when it does, I'll be prepared. (As I'm sure his parents will be!)Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-63721282766178919582010-08-18T07:49:00.002-07:002010-08-18T07:49:36.113-07:00Saturday August 7, 2010I'm going to write quickly as I'm not feeling well.<br />
<br />
I finally got off bed rest today. We decided to take the boat out to celebrate. The kids had fun riding the tube. I even managed to convince hubby try knee boarding. It was a great day on the lake! <br />
<br />
I have a headache and I think I may be slightly dehydrated. I drank six bottles of water and two Gatorades, but...well, putting it bluntly, I'm not peeing. <br />
<br />
The little guy is doing great! He's been active today. He seems to know when I'm in, on or near water. He always gets more active. He's slowed down a bit over the past hour, but he's probably exhausted!<br />
<br />
...speaking of exhausted. I'm getting tired. I'm going to go try to catch some zzzz's!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-59558146874428353712010-08-18T07:49:00.000-07:002010-08-18T07:49:02.226-07:00Wednesday August 4, 2010After talking to a prominent surrogacy lawyer in Texas and getting her advice and take on things, we finally have the PBO. I don't know what was going on with that, but it was completely and utterly ridiculous!<br />
<br />
The reason I stopped writing my blog was because something I had said in it seemed to upset my IM and she emailed me about it. Whatever her truth was, it wasn't the same as the lawyer's truth...and now that we've had to deal with both of them, I don't think either truth was reality. I think they both had some reality to their truth, but each had bits and pieces missing. I don't think any of it was done maliciously, I just think that no one really stopped to think of the long term consequences that this could have on me and my family.<br />
<br />
Whatever the case may be, PBO paperwork is finally finished and I don't have to worry about that anymore. <br />
<br />
I'm still stuck on bedrest. Hubby emailed my IM to let her know, and so far as I know she hasn't emailed him back yet. She certainly hasn't emailed me. That hurts. I'm carrying her child and she hasn't bothered to ask how I'm doing. Screw me...she hasn't bothered to email and ask her son is doing even. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. She's visiting family right now, so I assume she's probably busy.<br />
<br />
Only two more days of lying here bed and I get to get up! I'm so ready to be done with bed rest. I have no idea how women can do this for weeks on end. I'm a fairly active person and not being able to sit up, or get up, or do anything but lay here in bed is driving me nuts!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-7022808896988542052010-08-01T14:17:00.000-07:002010-08-01T14:17:09.517-07:00No longer bloggingFor reasons I can't get into right now, I will no longer be blogging during this pregnancy. Once the child is born, I will publish the blogs I wrote during this time.<br />
<br />
Lastly, I'm asking for prayers. I'm currently on bed rest until next weekend. I started having contractions that were hard and close together. Being that I"m only 36 weeks, we want to keep the little guy in for (at the very least) another week.<br />
<br />
Thank you!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-75246561707079172852010-07-30T19:36:00.000-07:002010-07-30T19:57:10.937-07:00I found out....So I found out today that no one had bothered to tell the attorney why there was such a sense of urgency on the PBO. No one told him we're trying to complete a step parent adoption...<br />
<br />
My husband spoke with him today and they've come to an agreement in an attempt to get this finished quickly. The attorney apparently apologized and said if he knew all of the circumstances he would have made sure it was finished sooner. This is now his number one priority and will be taken care of within a week...one way or another.<br />
<br />
I just frustrated that my life, and how all of this would affect me and my family didn't seem to be taken into account. On top of that, I'm under undue amounts of stress because of this drama. I just want to be able to sit back and enjoy these last weeks of pregnancy...not having to worry about who is going to be responsible for what if this child is born early...not having to worry about what if this screws up our step-parent adoption, putting us even further behind schedule, and my husband dies (my kids would be torn away from me to live with their biological mother...a woman who they don't even know and has serious mental issues) or if my ex-husband finds out that the adoption has been postponed yet again and comes after me (legally or otherwise). <br />
<br />
I'm just trying to process this whole day and I'm having trouble doing it. I need to get all of this out, otherwise it's going to cause me to explode.<br />
<br />
Hubby decided we're leaving this weekend for a mini vacation. We're going to parts unknown until Monday (maybe only Sunday depending on how we're all feeling). We're going to get the boat and hopefully spend the weekend on a lake. The kids can tube and ski (I can't wait to have this little one so I can ski...and ride my motorcycle!). We might do some fishing. Whatever we do, the phones will remain locked away for emergencies only.<br />
<br />
That's just what the doctor ordered.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-18791000149753021142010-07-30T12:42:00.000-07:002010-07-30T12:42:20.994-07:00It just keeps getting better...I've contacted an attorney. I'm at a loss right now. I've tried twice to rest and relax but every time I start to settle down I feel like I have to get up and move, to do something. I'm so on edge and stressed out.<br />
<br />
I digress.<br />
<br />
I contacted an attorney that does surrogacy arrangements in Texas regarding our situation. I'm considering retaining her in order to protect myself and my family. Anyway, this is what is on her website:<br />
<br />
"Intended Parents should not only have a contract with the Gestational Surrogate and her husband (if married) but the contract should be validated by a Court of Law prior to the embryo transfer. <b>In Texas, validation is not required; however a contract which is not validated prior to the embryo transfer is UNENFORCEABLE and the Intended Parents would have to establish the parent-child relationship between themselves and the child through a family court proceeding after the child is born. Validating the Contract prior to the transfer simplifies the process and legally establishes the parent-child relationship between the child (or children) and the Intended Parents before the embryos are ever transferred. This process is far preferable in the event of any complications.</b><br />
<br />
Texas is one of a handful of surrogacy friendly states and has enacted a surrogacy statute which specifically allows surrogacy agreements to be validated by the Court on the following basis:<br />
<br />
1. The Intended Parents must be married<br />
2. The Gestational Surrogates egg may not be used; a donor egg or the egg of the Intended Mother may be used;<br />
3. The Intended Parents must show they have a medical need for the gestational surrogate;<br />
4. The Gestational Surrogate must have achieved a successful pregnancy and birth.<br />
<br />
Under these circumstances, the Texas Court will validate a Gestational Surrogacy Agreement. Additionally, Texas law does not require both the Intended Parents and the Gestational Surrogate to be residents of Texas to validate an agreement. In order for a Texas Court to validate a gestational agreement, either the Intended Parents or the Gestational Surrogate must have resided in the state of Texas for at least ninety (90) days prior to filing the petition. The Court also has the discretion to order a home study prior to signing a pre-birth order."<br />
<br />
I need a massage. I need to do something to try to relax. I'm having mild contractions. They're not regular and they're not strong so I'm not worried at this point. My midwife told me to relax and try to alleviate the stress.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-9526741247759544582010-07-30T09:38:00.002-07:002010-07-30T09:39:29.241-07:00No good deed goes unpunished...So my IPs' attorney kept telling them they didn't have to be in court to validate our surrogacy contract and get the PBO. I had never heard of this, and expressed my concern. I was assured it would be fine. (I blindly trusted this attorney despite the fact that with the last surrogacy we all had to be in court. Maybe things had changed...)<br />
<br />
I was then told the PBO couldn't be started or done before I reached an age of viability. According to all medical standards this could be 24-26 weeks gestation or later. (Meaning the child could/would survive with medical intervention if I were to give birth at this time.) The attorney decided to wait until I was much further along.<br />
<br />
We signed all the paperwork and were told that everything would be taken care of. When I mailed the paperwork many weeks ago, we were told that was it. It would be done. I was highly skeptical and I expressed this concern. I thought we HAD to go to court to complete this. That's the way Bexar County does it, and requires it to be done. I was assured it would be fine...and I tried to push aside my fears and just let it go.<br />
<br />
Then about a couple of weeks ago in the mail, without any notice, I get more paperwork (affidavits) and a sticky note from the attorney saying my husband and I have to sign these papers and send them back immediately in order to complete the PBO. They were the same papers we had signed weeks before. We immediately went and signed them and had them notarized and mailed them back the same night. I was frustrated at this point and again told my IM that this was ridiculous. The attorney told her not to worry, it was going to be taken care of Tuesday of this week.<br />
<br />
Tuesday came and went, and no one heard from the attorney. My IM emailed the attorney to find out what was going on. He writes her back saying he tried on Tuesday and again on Thursday and that all four of us have to appear in court in order to complete the PBO. He then goes on to tell her that he has never heard of this and, in fact, had "one approved this morning over in Seguin." (Um, that's great...that's Guadalupe County. This Bexar. It's different rules/laws.) He then goes on to tell my IM that "The important thing to remember is that it is not required in Texas to get the pre-birth order. Your contract is enforceable." Actually, in the State of Texas, surrogacy agreements are not enforceable. They are recognized as to their intent, but they're not enforceable.<br />
<br />
This is where it gets really bad. I'm 36 weeks pregnant. We have no PBO, which means my name has to go on the birth certificate. Because of Texas' laws, my husband has to go on the birth certificate as well because we are married and he is legally presumed the father. This means that when the time comes, both my husband and I have to sign over our parental rights so that my IPs can adopt their child. Until then, we're legally responsible. <br />
<br />
Ok, that's not that big of a deal right? Wrong. <br />
<br />
My husband and I are in the process of doing step parent adoptions. He's adopting my daughter, and I'm adopting his son and daughter. (I technically only have two children...but I've raised all four since they were very little and consider them all to be my children.) We've talked to our attorney who told us that if we sign away rights to a child I gave birth to in the process of this adoption then we run the risk of the courts not approving our adoptions. I've told everyone involved this. The attorney doesn't care. He keeps leading on my IPs and telling them it's all going to be ok. <br />
<br />
At this point I have to be sure I don't give birth until my IPs are able to make it here (which at the very earliest would be over a week from now). I also have to wait until we get a court hearing, which in Bexar County could take weeks. The only chance we have to get in immediately is if we go into an open court on a Friday...which means my husband has to take two days off of work. (He works third shift, so he'd have to take Thursday night in order to sleep, and then Friday night off.) That means there are two days he won't be able to take off after I give birth to help me take care of the kids.<br />
<br />
This has been the hardest pregnancy ever. This is not what I wanted for my last journey...and certainly not for my last pregnancy. This is completely unfair...and now our adoptions are in jeopardy. I'm just lost and hurt. I have tried so hard, in everything I do, to give selflessly to others. I figure it's what God would want of me. Call it karma. Plus, it's just the right thing to do. And now, here I am, risking everything in order to give someone else what they want...and this time I don't think the reward is greater than the risk. I am legally, financially and morally responsible for this child until the paperwork is filed...and that's not something I was willing to take on. My responsibility was supposed to be done when I delivered him...because we were to have a PBO that protected me and my family.<br />
<br />
UGH! I'm so lost right now. I'm so stressed out! I have literally hundreds of emotions running through me and I'm trying to remain optimistic. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what, I have to do what is in the best interest of the baby...and right now that means going and making a grilled cheese sandwich and relaxing on the couch with some comedy that will make me laugh till I almost pee myself.<br />
<br />
I'll keep ya'll updated when I know more.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-61514185050813573722010-07-29T11:58:00.000-07:002010-07-29T11:58:23.576-07:00No...Sleep...Till...Yes, the title of this blog is a reference to the Beastie Boys...Sorry, my age is showing...hehe<br />
<br />
Well, I'm officially at the stage in the pregnancy where this little guy is putting me on a schedule. Thankfully (and I kinda feel bad saying this...but) I'll get to sleep after he's born! His mother on the other hand...she'll be up every couple of hours if my sleep patterns are any indication. Last night was really bad. I would sleep for about 30-40 minutes then I'd be up for about 2 hours. I'm hoping to get a nap today. These are the days when I wish we had family closer to watch the kids for me.<br />
<br />
I've been nesting lately. I've been trying to get a lot of cleaning done. I'm talking cleaning the baseboards and taking light fixtures off the ceiling to wash them down. It's not your normal sweeping and mopping...it's a serious deep cleaning. <br />
<br />
The little guy has been really active yesterday and today. About an hour ago I had my hand on my belly and felt his foot push against it. I know it was a foot cause I could feel his toes. It was surreal. Usually it's just his knees and his butt he hits me with but today he decided to kick me. <br />
<br />
I've actually gotten big. I need to take another picture for T and when I do I'll post it here.<br />
<br />
Other than sitting and waiting for the final weeks to go by, there isn't much going on here. I just figured I'd update quickly so people didn't think I was ignoring my blog. I've started another one "Adventures in Baby Catching" to document my journey into midwifery. I'm a student midwife now! It's interesting because right now all I'm doing is reading and studying. Soon enough though I'll be able to start helping other women the way my midwife has helped me.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-76263836710927746532010-07-20T02:47:00.001-07:002010-07-20T02:47:59.012-07:00How do I do it?<meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Generator"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Originator"></meta><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CJenni%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CJenni%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx" rel="themeData"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CJenni%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping"></link> <m:smallfrac m:val="off"> <m:dispdef> <m:lmargin m:val="0"> <m:rmargin m:val="0"> <m:defjc m:val="centerGroup"> <m:wrapindent m:val="1440"> <m:intlim m:val="subSup"> <m:narylim m:val="undOvr"> </m:narylim></m:intlim> </m:wrapindent><style>
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</style>I was talking with a friend the other day who asked me how I could give away a child I had carried for nine months and not even show signs of post partum depression (which I had with my two).</m:defjc></m:rmargin></m:lmargin></m:dispdef></m:smallfrac><br />
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I told her I learned a few things about myself having done this once, that I will probably take with me into the final weeks and days of this journey...and into the days after this little guy is born.<br />
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First, I am a strong woman. I can do things I never thought were possible. For instance, I can help another woman realize her dream of a complete family and do it with grace and dignity.<br />
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Secondly, postpartum depression is exasperated by exhaustion caused by getting up with a newborn every coule of hours. Eliminate the newborn, and you may have only slight depression. Occupy those days and hourse after delivery with affirmations of love from family and friends and what was once a crippling issue is no longer even a blip on the radar. (At least for me...for other women, this may not be the case and for them, I urge them to seek professional help.)<br />
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Lastly, I have realized that by spending too much time with the infant after I have deliver would muddy the waters for me. I think this is one of the main reasons why I left the birth center within two hours of delivering Jason. This time around I don't know if it will be the same or not. I can only assume that watching his mother and father cuddle him and beam in his presence will help as it did last time. Now please don't mistake this as me wanting them to take child and leave as soon as he is born. I'm simply saying I won't hold him for too long or spend time in the days after delivery holding him and cuddling him. I've talked with my husband and midwife and said that if at anytime I become overwhelmed I will be excusing myself and going to my bedroom. (I'll probably need a nap too, so that'll help some.)<br />
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Speaking of plans after delivery: Since I had issues with bleeding last time, Kenny is planning on having a BBQ after I deliver in order to get some red meat in me. He's going to make steaks (or hamburgers, depending on what I"m hungry for) and potatoes. He figures at the least we'll be feeding the of us, my midwife, and my IPs. (I doubt the kids will be home yet.) It'll be nice being able to sit around and enjoy a meal in my own home with my friends before they leave. I don't know if they'll want to, and that's ok. I imagine they'll tired and want to head back to where they're staying to count fingers and toes and give lots of kisses! (And of course nap while they still can!)<br />
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Well, it's almost 5am and I've finished my midnight snack and juice. (Who would have though, just a few months ago, that I'd be eating! I certainly hoped it, but I couldn't imagine it...that would have made me sick!)<br />
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I'm heading to bed!<br />
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Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-5701797728477284702010-07-13T08:12:00.000-07:002010-07-13T08:24:39.437-07:00Bleh...So on Thursday I started feeling sick. Not nauseous, but sick as in head cold sick. By Friday I had a full blown cold/flu or something. Then my right kidney started hurting. That's when I went to the ER. They said that the kidney pain wasn't because of the cold it was because little Mike had rolled into such a position that he was kneeing my kidney. They said I may have also strained a muscle. I was told to go home and rest for the next few days.<br /><br />That's when the cold really started kicking my butt! I haven't been that sick in ages! I would run a low fever, then it would break and I'd be sweating up a storm...then I'd start in with a fever again...it was a vicious cycle! On top of that, I couldn't breathe through my nose and I was coughing up a storm. It didn't seem to affect little Mike though! He was still kicking and moving as much as he possibly can!<br /><br />My midwife says he's growing wonderfully. She suspects I may go late. I don't know, we'll see. Nothing in this pregnancy has been easy, and I fear that labor and birth will be hard too. I've continued to do my pelvic exercises. My body is preparing itself for labor. I'm just hoping that he comes quickly (although not so quickly that no one makes it!)<br /><br />We'll see. I have 7 more weeks before my due date!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-43789821182874390382010-07-13T08:06:00.000-07:002010-07-13T08:12:26.245-07:00Quick LetterDear Little Mike,<br /><br />I'm pretty sure you're going to be a soccer player...or a boxer...or maybe a MMA (mixed martial artist). Either way, can you please stop kneeing my kidneys, punching my bladder and kicking my ribs? I'm sure it's boring in there, what with it being so dark and you not having a whole lot of stimulation, but come on! I'll make you a deal. You lay off the kidneys and the ribs and I'll give you an extra hour of music a day. Better yet, I'll stop patting your bottom when you start beating the crap out of me.<br /><br />Deal?<br /><br />*hugs*<br />Ms. JenniSurrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-45604301615123924522010-06-23T13:37:00.000-07:002010-06-23T13:46:37.875-07:00Quick UpdateWell, not much has changed here. I haven't been feeling very well lately. The hyperemesis is starting to come back and that scares the hell out of me! I haven't been full out vomiting, but I have been feeling really nauseous and have dry heaved quite a few times. I've been eating several small meals through out the day and when I feel especially sick, I eat some crackers and have some tea.<br /><br />I've become a lot more holistic over the past several months. I'd rather take herbs to fix things instead of using medications manufactured in a lab somewhere. I have all sorts of herbs in the house and will be ordering (hopefully within the next week or two) herbs in bulk in order to make salves and tinctures of my own. I have found several very helpful websites that teach how to do it (the basics) and then I have found websites that tell me what herbs do what and how to use them. I'm just really excited!<br /><br />We went to the beach on Monday and while we were there a couple of the kids got stung by jellyfish. My son got stung pretty bad on his foot and was in near hysterics. I gave him some "Rescue Remedy" which an herbal tincture that helps relax a person. Once he was calm, we were able to see that the sting wasn't that bad at all...he just has a very low pain tolerance. It just re-affirmed that herbs are the way to go for my family.<br /><br />Well, the kids have been asking to go swimming all day, so I'm going to get my suit on and go out back. I tell you, we've gotten more use out of that pool this year then we have in any other summer.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-51813455756460147652010-06-17T11:52:00.000-07:002010-06-17T12:09:02.650-07:00UpdateSo things are trekking right along. I've started eating 5 smaller meals a day rather than three big ones because I can't eat like that anymore. It makes me nauseous. It's like I'm trying to stuff too much food in there and and there isn't enough room for it all. I've lost three pounds in the past week. I've been told though that it's not uncommon to lose weight in the last trimester and it's nothing to worry about so long as the little guy is growing normally. Well, he's growing like a weed! So I'm not worried. I figure if I lose a little weight now, it's less I have to lose after he's born. ;) (Not that I'm going to have much to lose anyway!)<br /><br />I was thinking last night and I thought of something really interesting when it comes to weight. I was 120 until I had my second child. After I had her, I started putting on weight and stayed around 150. I'd love to get down to 130 as that is a healthy weight for me...but I was never able to lose those last 20 pounds. Well, the way things are going this pregnancy, after I deliver I might be down to 150 right off the bat! That would mean the typical 15 or so pounds I lose after pregnancy cut into that 20 pounds I can never seem to lose! I doubt it would work like that, but I can dream right?<br /><br />So the pool is a wonderful respite in the middle of the afternoon. It helps take the pressure of my hips and lower back and it cools me down. Plus I love being outside in the sun! It's so nice!<br /><br />I've been sleeping a lot more lately...when I can actually sleep. Last night I slept almost 12 hours! The night before I slept only about 4 hours. I guess it balances itself out in the end, but I'd prefer to sleep 8 hours each night instead of 3 or 4 then 12...that's just irritating! At least I can still pseudo sleep on my stomach. I'm able to halfway lay on my stomach (partially on my side partially on my stomach) and that's how I sleep. <br /><br />So that's where we are right now. I have about 10 weeks left in this pregnancy! I can't believe it! Only 10 weeks!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-51456127275461674472010-06-09T08:01:00.000-07:002010-06-09T08:48:41.835-07:00It's the little thingsSometimes it's the little things in life that get you through. For instance, this is my 100th blog entry. Better yet, we're in the third trimester! This pregnancy is nearly over! I don't think I've ever been so happy to be done with a pregnancy. I know it probably sounds bad, but I'm starting to resent this whole situation. I was so sick for so long and I tried so hard to keep it together but the short term and long term effects have taken their toll. I lost weight and am finally gaining and keeping it on. Then yesterday my back tooth chipped. I can't imagine any reason why it would chip other than the acid from constant vomiting ate away at the tooth. I'm hoping to get into the dentist today to see what he can do to fix it. At least it isn't hurting anymore. It is sharp on the one end and cutting into my cheek if I'm not careful.<br /><br />The last thing that it effected is one that I'm having major issues letting go of and dealing with. I've wanted another child for years, but my husband didn't think we could afford one, etc. (There were a lot of reasons why he didn't think we should have another one.) Well, he thought we were ready and could afford one and all the obstacles were gone for us having another one. We researched a vasectomy reversal and what all that would entail, cost, etc. We figured that some time next year he would have the reversal and in about two years we'd start trying for another little one. That dream is gone now though. I can't carry another child. I'm sure I could carry a child, it's not that I can't physically carry one (at this point) but this pregnancy has taken so much out of me I don't think I can mentally do it. I worry that I probably won't be able to physically do it either. Either way, my husband has decided it's best we don't have another one...so we won't. That is depressing to me. It's made me cry regularly.<br /><br />I ordered some more herbs. These herbs will keep my body and mind balanced. I also ordered herbs for the kids. I'm so glad to be getting off most of the meds (I'm staying on the Reglan for now...thanks again Dr. Pandya!!!) and to be getting back to more natural remedies. <br /><br />The best thing through all of this is the fact that little Mike is doing great. None of this seems to have affected him at all. His heartbeat is perfect. When we've laid eyes on him he looks perfect. In fact, he's measuring ahead of schedule. I'm 28 weeks and he's measuring just over 30 weeks! Apparently he's doing just fine! That makes me feel good. No matter how I feel he's not being affected. Drinking protein shakes, Boost, and all the other little tricks I learned to get calories in and vitamins down seem to have helped him...even if they did nothing for me! <br /><br />My midwifery training has started. I can't wait to really get moving on this new track in my life. Kenny reminded me that I have all the credits I need to start med school and that's still an option if I'm interested. I told him to let me finish with my midwifery training first so I'm at least bringing in some money before I decide about med school. He knows me though. He knows I'm always wanting to learn something new and move forward. I'll never be content to just have a job/career...that I'll always want to try something else. We'll see what the future holds.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-14935425544185750042010-06-01T09:04:00.000-07:002010-06-01T09:17:04.947-07:0088 days!I was checking my blog looking for something I posted a while back and just saw that we only have 88 days left! Holy crap! Time flies when you're not barfing!<br /><br />So we spent all weekend outside in the pool and hiking. It was a lot of fun! It's so nice to finally start getting energy back. Sunday night and part of the day Monday I just in the shade of my patio set and watched the kids play, but it was still great! Dr. Pandya is a saint. He's the one who changed my meds (I'm now on Reglan) and I am feeling so much better!<br /><br />Well, there really isn't a whole lot to update right now. I'm still waking up around 3am and not falling back asleep until after 730am. I have a feeling this little guy might be born during that time. We'll see!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-7395965139609821252010-05-26T05:29:00.000-07:002010-05-26T05:46:58.566-07:00One year agoSo yesterday was a different sort of milestone for me. Jason, the first child I gave birth to via surrogacy, turned one. It was crazy for me to think that one year ago I gave birth to a child over nine pounds that was the pride and joy of his parents...and I wasn't one of them. It fills me with a sense of pride to think that I helped another family in such a huge way.<br /><br />I'll be getting together with G&K and will get to see Jason in the next few weeks. I'm so excited at the prospect of seeing this little man.<br /><br /><br />On a lighter note, I went to see this new doctor: Dr. Pandya. I think I'm in love with him. He changed my meds. I'm now on Reglan, Unisom/B6 and of course my prenatal vitamins...and I'm keeping food down every time I eat now! I'm so excited! I just can't believe that this medication has been out there and I didn't know about it. I'm starting to feel so much better! Dr. Pandya told me that I can start doing yoga or low impact exercises here soon. Working out always makes me feel better. I know some people have said I shouldn't work out because it'll make me lose weight...that's not why I do it. I exercise because it lifts my moods and increases my appetite. I just feel better overall if I work out...so I'm looking forward to being able to do yoga again.<br /><br />In the meantime, I have friends helping with Reiki attunements and other wholistic means of getting my mind and body back on track helping me out. I've been working on my hypnosis for the birth and am looking forward to the last trimester. Hopefully it will go by smoothly and I'll be comfortable. Kenny has been working to get the pool in tip top shape so I can start swimming this week. It'll be nice for when the summer months get really hot...and I'm huge and uncomfortable!<br /><br />Well, I need to get some housework done. It's amazing the amount of dust that piles up when you're spending most of your life hugging the commode!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-82999270561184152652010-05-21T09:38:00.000-07:002010-05-21T10:05:25.714-07:00Milestone!I noticed today that we've hit a milestone! We're down to double digits! According to the little ticker over there <---- I have 99 days left in this pregnancy!<br /><br />I tell you what. This pregnancy has been hell on me. I don't think I've put on here yet just how bad the hyperemesis is. I haven't wanted to worry a couple of the people who read my blog. Well, it's time I come completely clean. It's time that everyone knows just how bad it is, and what I'm sacrificing.<br /><br />On an average day, I vomit between 12 and 30 times. I have gotten sick more than that. On the days when I don't get sick I still feel sick. Most days I can keep down water and other fluids. Some days I can keep down solids. Today I'm struggling to keep down liquids. I've had some onion soup broth and some orange juice. I feel so sick! I'm trying so hard not to vomit...but I fear I'm going to lose the fight.<br /><br />Some days I have trouble standing without getting dehydrated. Other days I do just fine. I'm always tired though. My body aches. I just don't have the strength to keep pushing forward. I'm getting sick and tired of people asking if I'm ok, "how's the barfing", "what's wrong"...seriously people, my life is consumed with trying to keep food down and keep everything on track...I don't need to be reminded of it all. Yesterday I picked up my son from school and (after having slept most of the day away) had enough strength to run to the grocery store. We needed just a couple of things for dinner. Someone I know (an acquaintance) looked at me and says "You like shit. What's wrong with you?" I lost it. I started crying. Then I got mad. I told her that I answer that question every time she sees me. The most recent time being Saturday. I told her that I hadn't kept food down in days and was living off of protein shakes in the hopes that this little one would grow strong...and that I would just survive. I told her I was tired of having do it all alone because no one else actually helped. Well, then asked what I needed. I told her I needed someone to help clean the house, and take the kids to and from school. She tells me that she can't. I started laughing. I told her this was the same thing everyone else said. "What do you need?" I tell them. "Oh, I can't do that." And then I want to ask "Well why the fuck did you ask if you weren't actually going to help me!?!?"<br /><br />I have a doctor's appointment on Saturday with an OB that is going to give me better solutions for this situation I've gotten myself into. (Yes, I say I got myself into this. I chose to do another surrogacy. I chose to put myself at risk, thinking like so many women do, that pregnancy isn't anything serious. Most of the time it's not.) I've been told the chances are very high that he's going to put a PICC line in and give me a Zofran pump which will give me a continuous dose of Zofran. I'll also be taught how to keep fluids going so I'm not dehydrated. Hopefully this will at least keep me going until the end of the pregnancy.<br /><br />For those who don't know, a PICC line is (basically put) a long term IV that is placed in a large vein. It'll stay in for the duration of the pregnancy. My biggest fear is that by going to the OB and having myself taken care of, I won't get the birth I want. That I'll be forced to deliver in a hospital. At this point, I don't care though. I need help...physically, mentally, emotionally. I just need some relief.<br /><br />I hold on to the hope though that we're under 100 days and we've only got double digits left...well, that and the fact that as I write this little Michael has horrible hiccups and is also punching my bladder. He's a strong little bugger!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-14117960884710802372010-05-19T06:20:00.000-07:002010-05-19T06:24:40.557-07:00An interesting article<a href="http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/221236/dealing_with_hyperemesis_when_morning.html?cat=52">I found this article today and thought I would share.</a><br /><br />I took a zofran before bed last night along with my Unisom/B6. Then, as soon as I got up this morning, before even getting out of bed, I took a Zofran. I ate some oatmeal and have drunk some milk. Here's to hoping!<br /><br />I had been doing so well that now that I've had a bad day I feel as though it's never going to end. I have a local doctor's number though, and I'm going to give him a call. Hopefully he'll be able to help me. Otherwise, I'm stuck drinking my dinners from here to delivery. At least I'm keeping liquids down! (There's my silver lining!)<br /><br />I need to go rest. I'm so tired today~Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-14998526317120377282010-05-17T05:20:00.000-07:002010-05-17T05:38:45.795-07:00Sleep? We don't need no stinking sleep!Well, this little man has already started with his schedule...and it's one I'm fairly familiar with. It also has me a bit nervous!<br /><br />I wake every morning around 3:30am and can't get back to sleep until (usually) around 730am. That would mean I should be getting tired right...about...now...<br /><br />Nope, nothing. Oh well! It was worth a shot right? Yeah, well, there are days like today when I'm tired, but I'm not tired enough to sleep. This little guy has decided that today we're going to be up a bit later! (Yeah me!) At least hubby's been home to help me out with the kids. He's been taking them to school in the morning so I can rest if I need to. He goes back to work tomorrow though, which means that Wednesday is all me! Let's hope I can hold out long enough to get the kids school!<br /><br />So, the reason this has me nervous? Well, Jason, my first surro-journey, was the same way. I went into labor at 3am with him. Yep, so we may be looking at an early morning birth here as well. At least if he makes his appearance by 7, as Jason did (actually Jason was born just after 7am) then hubby will be home in order to take the kids school by 730! <br /><br />Speaking of the first surro-bub: I got an email this weekend from his mom saying they'd like to come visit me! His first birthday is a week from tomorrow. I can't even believe it! I'm sure he's so big by now! I'm going to email her today and set something up.<br /><br />Well, I'm actually starting to get tired now, believe it or not. I'm going to go and try to sleep!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-64901707609536556182010-05-10T12:13:00.001-07:002010-05-10T12:27:17.083-07:00Shh...don't tell anyone...I have a confession. It's been 2 1/2 days since I last got sick. And before that it was a whole 2 days. Don't tell anyone, but I think the worst is slowly coming to an end! (And if anyone happens to bump into me, please for love of all that is holy, don't tell the little guy!) In addition to not getting sick multiple times a day, I'm also putting on weight! Finally! I weighed in this morning and I'm holding steady at at 170! I was 167.5 at the beginning of the week. It could be a combination of not being dehydrated and eating regularly...but I figure since Michael (his new name) is kicking harder, he's probably putting on some weight too.<br /><br />Let's see, what else is going on here. Oh! I graduate today! *bows* Thank you! Thank you! I actually just walk today and I receive my diploma this summer when I finish my last two classes. I've actually been trying to decide whether or not to complete those two classes. You see, I've decided on a career change. I'm going to be a midwife. I was so impacted by these wonderful women who came into my life and helped me when I was at my most vulnerable that I want to be like them. I want to help other women through this journey in their lives.<br /><br />I'm so excited about this change. I took my CPR course this weekend and passed I finished filling out the application today and will mail it in this afternoon. I have a list of books to read, and as soon as they get my application I'll have more study materials, etc. Then I just start reading and studying. My beautiful (inside and out) midwife, Sam, is a preceptor and I'm hoping that she will accept me as a student midwife. My first module starts in October, so that gives me several months to read up and prepare for this new path I've set out on. It's also about a month after I'm due, so I'll have time to heal before I get started on the module!<br /><br />I'm just really happy and at peace right now. What more could I want? (Well, I guess I could ask that the hyperemesis officially be over and not leaving me guessing...but I'm content just knowing that for now, I'm eating and healthy!)Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-52025121343846969152010-04-30T19:49:00.000-07:002010-04-30T20:18:48.234-07:00Is it worth it?I read a <a href="http://yearofgiving.wordpress.com/2010/04/28/day-131-manni/">blog post</a> today that made me stop and think. There is a man who is giving away $10 everyday to a random person and blogging about it. I've been reading his blog for a while now. This particular post is about how much you are willing to sacrifice for a total stranger. It asks if you are willing to sacrifice your body for them.<br /><br />It made me think about surrogacy. Surrogates sacrifice their bodies for a year (longer in some cases) and in most cases it's for a stranger they only met within the year. Surrogates give themselves shots daily in the beginning, and end the journey with labor and birth. Most births aren't horrible, but you still end with pain that you will have for at least a week or two afterward.<br /><br />"But most surrogates are compensated, so that makes it worth it right?"<br /><br />I ask you this. Have you ever met someone and decided to help them achieve their dream? In the attempt to achieve that dream, have you sacrificed a part of yourself and done so with very little expected in return? Sure, most of get compensated...that doesn't mean it's easy. We'd make more money working part time at McDonald's...and it would be less sacrifice.<br /><br />This journey has been full of sacrifices for me. I have spent most days sick beyond belief. I vomit several times a day. I spend more time in the bathroom then I do anywhere else in my house. I try to hide how sick I really am. I still go to school and keep my grades up. I still take care of the kids. I smile and act like everything is great. <br /><br />It isn't.<br /><br />My body started aching several weeks ago. I figure that's because of lack of sleep. (I used to sleep on the floor in the bathroom.) I get lightheaded and dizzy on occasion. I carry water with me everywhere I go in an attempt to stay hydrated. My throat hurts. Those are just the physical symptoms.<br /><br />I've been exhausted for weeks. I'm dealing with depression. (Although not all the time, because I still try to remain positive, but come on, when you spend at least 2 hours out of 15 waking hours in the bathroom...and occasionally sleep in there...you get the point where you just can't keep smiling.) I've gotten to the point where when I get sick, even just dry heaving, I cry...and then when the hysterical crying is done, I get sick again and kind of zone out because I just can't cry anymore. There are days when I swear this child hates me. I know he doesn't, because he's a precious innocent child incapable of hate...but I wonder sometimes.<br /><br />Hubby was teasing me tonight. He asked if I came to a truce with the little bean. I was eating Taco Bell with fire sauce. He wondered if I had told him that if he didn't stop making me sick this morning that I was going to eat something really spicy. I told him yes...and the little guy broke his end of the bargain, so I was going to enjoy every bite of that burrito and taco supreme. The little guy got his revenge though...I got rid of most of the dinner within an hour. *shrugs* There is always tomorrow.<br /><br />But it brings me to my point. Is all of this vomiting and exhaustion and stress on my body worth it? I've thought about it a lot over the past few weeks and I've come to this conclusion: HELL YES IT IS.<br /><br />I know that within a few months, T and M will hold this little guy (probably while I'm still high on the endorphins!) and I'll get to see that amazing, unconditional joy and love that can only come from a parent the first time they hold their beautiful innocent little one. In those moments, all of this will fade away and it will be worth it.<br /><br />So tonight, when I'm laying in bed, hoping I don't have to get up again to puke, I'll remember that one moment that I will get to experience and remind myself that it is so worth it.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-34843894503288154212010-04-25T13:24:00.000-07:002010-04-25T13:36:42.715-07:00Hold out hope!Well, we had an ultrasound this week. Finally laying eyes on the little guy made everyone happy. He's growing wonderfully! He was about 15ozs. and everything looked perfect. The lady said I was measuring a little small but that was probably because I've been so sick.<br /><br />Speaking of being sick...I finally pushed the nausea aside last night and fell asleep around 1am...only to be woke up at 230am feeling so far beyond sick there was no hope of coming back. It was about 645am when the combination of constant vomiting (and then when nothing was left dry heaving) and just over an hour of sleep finally caused me to pass out. <br /><br />I had gained a little bit of weight. I was up to 167.5 the end of last week!! But now I'm back down to 166.5. :( I just keep reminding myself that he's growing right as he's supposed to and if I can feel him moving regularly then he's keeping what he needs from me.<br /><br />Sadly, it gets to the point when you spend so much time in the bathroom bent over a toilet that you can't stand it any longer. The constant sickness slowly starts to erode your soul and no matter how hard you try to keep a positive outlook you're going to have moments when all you can do is cry. I apologize to all who read my pity party. That was one of those moments when I just didn't think I could take it any longer. I wanted to scream, or cry...in reality I did both. I've been very guarded about what exercises I do cause I don't want to lose weight, but I made an exception last week. I did kickboxing. I screamed and I cried and I beat the crap out of my heavy bag. It helped some. Last night made me want to cry again...but I'm holding onto the hope that someday soon I'll stop getting sick and be able to enjoy the pregnancy.<br /><br />Till then...I guess I'll just keep writing my feelings out here so I don't lose all of me in the swirling vortex that is the toilet.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-60247158026464408062010-04-16T05:09:00.000-07:002010-04-16T05:14:54.368-07:00So much for sleeping...I haven't slept well in over a week. Welcome to pregnancy right? This little guy has put himself (and me) on a schedule. He's up and moving at 1030pm, 1230am, 330am, and then again at 530am. This usually forces me awake to use the bathroom and occasionally to eat. Sadly, even though I eat in the middle of the night, I'm not putting on much weight.<br /><br />I have an ultrasound on Tuesday. We'll find out how this little guy is growing and make sure he's doing ok. I'm sure his parents will be happy to finally lay eyes on him.<br /><br />That's about it for now. I'm still feeling frustrated and a bit down, but I'm sure once I get some uninterrupted sleep I'll be fine...so around September, lol!Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5020866490261922751.post-68898583433859458832010-04-13T19:06:00.000-07:002010-04-13T19:16:11.123-07:00Pity PartyI apologize now for the pity party post...I'm feeling a bit frustrated and I need to let it out.<br /><br />Ok, so you may or may not know that I'm a biker. I am now the proud owner of a 2008 Harley Nightster. I bought it about two weeks ago. I've never ridden it because...well, I'm pregnant and can't ride. I sold my old motorcycle about two years ago so I could get pregnant for G and K...and here I am still not able to ride cause I'm pregnant for T and M.<br /><br />As if that weren't depressing enough I find out that my favorite artist is once again coming into town and I can't go see her. Why? Because I'm pregnant! To add insult to injury I found out I can get seats center stage, 29th row...but I can't go. A "friend" of mine (and I put that in quotes because we only seem to be friends when she wants something) got to go to the Country Music Awards because of an essay her daughter wrote about her. She got to go as a guest of Alan Jackson's. Well, as she was backstage, she met Reba, my favorite artist, and had her picture taken with her. Now whenever she talks to me she brags about she got to meet her and how wonderful she is...wow, thanks for adding insult injury.<br /><br />I just feel like crying right now. I've done so much for other people and sometimes I wonder why I've given up some of my loves in life so that others can have what they want.Surrogate Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18071047549762283406noreply@blogger.com2