Sunday, September 7, 2008

Knots and Negatives

Sometimes life gives you lemons...this is usually when I break out the tequila and salt and call it a party. Right now, I have tons of lemons, but can't drink.

I'm still giving myself the PIO shots. Every night around 9pm CST, I'm pulling out a large needle, icing down my bum, and preparing to intentionally do something that I know will hurt. I will then push that needle into my hip/bum and straight into the muscle underneath it. Having done this so many times has left a huge knot on both of my butt cheeks...right where it meets my back. These knots have become so painful that it hurts to stand, or sit. Once I get comfortable with one position, I naturally move, and it hurts again. Such is the life of a surrogate. We intentionally inflict pain upon ourselves in order to make another happy.

Which bring me to the negatives. Negative pregnancy tests that is.

I was so sure I'd have a BFP by now. Everyone keeps saying that hope is still there...chances are I won't get one until later, like doesn't make it any easier. And my IM decided she did want to know when I got a BFP, and I don't have the heart to tell her I haven't gotten one yet. I can't hurt her like that. I can't even imagine the pain she's gone through and the last thing I want to do, is to cause her more pain.

So that's where things stand now. I'm having all sorts of odd symptoms, like food cravings, my breasts ache horribly, I'm tired and cranky all the time...and even when I do sleep, I get up at least twice in the night to pee.

Once I have new information I'll post. Till then, nothing new to report.

No comments: