Sunday, April 25, 2010

Hold out hope!

Well, we had an ultrasound this week. Finally laying eyes on the little guy made everyone happy. He's growing wonderfully! He was about 15ozs. and everything looked perfect. The lady said I was measuring a little small but that was probably because I've been so sick.

Speaking of being sick...I finally pushed the nausea aside last night and fell asleep around 1am...only to be woke up at 230am feeling so far beyond sick there was no hope of coming back. It was about 645am when the combination of constant vomiting (and then when nothing was left dry heaving) and just over an hour of sleep finally caused me to pass out.

I had gained a little bit of weight. I was up to 167.5 the end of last week!! But now I'm back down to 166.5. :( I just keep reminding myself that he's growing right as he's supposed to and if I can feel him moving regularly then he's keeping what he needs from me.

Sadly, it gets to the point when you spend so much time in the bathroom bent over a toilet that you can't stand it any longer. The constant sickness slowly starts to erode your soul and no matter how hard you try to keep a positive outlook you're going to have moments when all you can do is cry. I apologize to all who read my pity party. That was one of those moments when I just didn't think I could take it any longer. I wanted to scream, or reality I did both. I've been very guarded about what exercises I do cause I don't want to lose weight, but I made an exception last week. I did kickboxing. I screamed and I cried and I beat the crap out of my heavy bag. It helped some. Last night made me want to cry again...but I'm holding onto the hope that someday soon I'll stop getting sick and be able to enjoy the pregnancy.

Till then...I guess I'll just keep writing my feelings out here so I don't lose all of me in the swirling vortex that is the toilet.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have a surrogate mother. We are about 16 wks, so she just got over the sick, sick. Hope it's not to much longer for you.