Dear Little Mike,
I'm pretty sure you're going to be a soccer player...or a boxer...or maybe a MMA (mixed martial artist). Either way, can you please stop kneeing my kidneys, punching my bladder and kicking my ribs? I'm sure it's boring in there, what with it being so dark and you not having a whole lot of stimulation, but come on! I'll make you a deal. You lay off the kidneys and the ribs and I'll give you an extra hour of music a day. Better yet, I'll stop patting your bottom when you start beating the crap out of me.