Friday, January 29, 2010

Bad Surrogacy Story Revisited

I made the mistake of watching the Dr. Phil show yesterday. I haven't watched Dr. Phil in years (literally), but I saw the advertisement for the story of Amy and Scott and their "surro" Lashell.

While I was impressed with Dr. Phil's stance (he seems to want Lashell to give the babies back) I was really irritated with both sides. They acted like children. Lashell constantly rolling her eyes, and then the double talk from her. "I kept the babies because Amy said she had a mental disorder." Then saying that she kept the babies because she was lied to. Then Amy and Scott making comments like whenever you're done ruining the children's lives we'll take them back and fix it...or the comment about people at Lashell's church hating her. Totally uncalled for.

First of all, from everything that was said, this wasn't a surrogacy. Surrogacies do not start off like this. They have contracts. There are very specific things that need to be done, and lawyers are involved!

The couple, Amy and Scott used donor eggs and donor sperm and paid for a third party to carry them. You would think that would be a surrogacy right? No! A gestational surrogate doesn't put their name on the birth certificate, ever, for any reason. Once you do that, you muddy things. You get a PBO...a pre-birth order. The problem is in Michigan, you can't because surrogacy is illegal. I'm not sure exactly how surrogates in Michigan do it, but I know of several successful Michigan surros. I will defer to them to explain how that works.

Amy had several independant people say she was perfectly fit to take care of the children. They had a home study done for the adoption and jumped through all the hoops to make this happen. I understand that Lashell had done two previous surrogacies for the same family and they went off without a hitch. I have a feeling though that this time, she may have gone through some PPD (postpartum depression) and she wanted a baby to hold. Especially a little boy, which her and her husband have always wanted, but never had on their own. So she decided because her name was still on the birth certificate that she could take them back and use Amy's previous mental issues as a reason.

Let me make it clear, that is just my opinion.

When you go into a surrogacy you have to have a certain mindset. These children aren't yours. they were never yours. You have no rights to them. I know my role in all of this. I'm simply a babysitter for my great friend, T. This is her baby. I'm simply watching over and taking care of him until he's born. Once he's born, I'll send him back home. Do I love the first little boy I gave birth to? Absolutely! But like an aunt loves her nephew. I'll spoil him when I see him and on birthdays and holidays...but beyond that I'm not worried about him. Same with this little guy. I'm amazed and fascinated by him. His growth, who he's going to be, and what he'll think of his cool older sister are all things I think about...but do I want to keep him? NO! I have already done my stint with dirty diapers and late night feedings. I'm so over that. Let his mom and dad deal with that! (Well, from what I've heard his dad has such a weak stomach he won't be able to change poopy diapers!)

Ok, I've said my piece about this particular cluster fuck of a wanna-be surrogacy. That is all the time I will dedicate to it.


AnGèLe said...

LOVE YOUR POST!! I couldnt have said it better myself!! Im so upset I missed that episode!!!

Baby Maker said...

agreed...couldn't believe the end when Dr Phil said he would get them a councellor and all that to prove whether amy and scott were fit to be parents and Shelly still said NO she wouldn't give the babies back...I was like woah...that says alot.