Wednesday, June 9, 2010

It's the little things

Sometimes it's the little things in life that get you through. For instance, this is my 100th blog entry. Better yet, we're in the third trimester! This pregnancy is nearly over! I don't think I've ever been so happy to be done with a pregnancy. I know it probably sounds bad, but I'm starting to resent this whole situation. I was so sick for so long and I tried so hard to keep it together but the short term and long term effects have taken their toll. I lost weight and am finally gaining and keeping it on. Then yesterday my back tooth chipped. I can't imagine any reason why it would chip other than the acid from constant vomiting ate away at the tooth. I'm hoping to get into the dentist today to see what he can do to fix it. At least it isn't hurting anymore. It is sharp on the one end and cutting into my cheek if I'm not careful.

The last thing that it effected is one that I'm having major issues letting go of and dealing with. I've wanted another child for years, but my husband didn't think we could afford one, etc. (There were a lot of reasons why he didn't think we should have another one.) Well, he thought we were ready and could afford one and all the obstacles were gone for us having another one. We researched a vasectomy reversal and what all that would entail, cost, etc. We figured that some time next year he would have the reversal and in about two years we'd start trying for another little one. That dream is gone now though. I can't carry another child. I'm sure I could carry a child, it's not that I can't physically carry one (at this point) but this pregnancy has taken so much out of me I don't think I can mentally do it. I worry that I probably won't be able to physically do it either. Either way, my husband has decided it's best we don't have another we won't. That is depressing to me. It's made me cry regularly.

I ordered some more herbs. These herbs will keep my body and mind balanced. I also ordered herbs for the kids. I'm so glad to be getting off most of the meds (I'm staying on the Reglan for now...thanks again Dr. Pandya!!!) and to be getting back to more natural remedies.

The best thing through all of this is the fact that little Mike is doing great. None of this seems to have affected him at all. His heartbeat is perfect. When we've laid eyes on him he looks perfect. In fact, he's measuring ahead of schedule. I'm 28 weeks and he's measuring just over 30 weeks! Apparently he's doing just fine! That makes me feel good. No matter how I feel he's not being affected. Drinking protein shakes, Boost, and all the other little tricks I learned to get calories in and vitamins down seem to have helped him...even if they did nothing for me!

My midwifery training has started. I can't wait to really get moving on this new track in my life. Kenny reminded me that I have all the credits I need to start med school and that's still an option if I'm interested. I told him to let me finish with my midwifery training first so I'm at least bringing in some money before I decide about med school. He knows me though. He knows I'm always wanting to learn something new and move forward. I'll never be content to just have a job/career...that I'll always want to try something else. We'll see what the future holds.

1 comment:

AnGèLe said...

Oh hun, I am SO sorry you are having such a hard time with this pregnancy; not only physically but emotionally as well! I know how hard it can be! I wish I had great words of wisdom and comfort for you!

HUGS!!! You ARE doing an amazing thing! I promise you at the end of this, when that baby is born and you see the joy YOU were able to bring to this family, all the hardships really become a distant memory! Its truly an amazing feeling!! I promise!! Hang in there! xo