No good deed goes unpunished...

So my IPs' attorney kept telling them they didn't have to be in court to validate our surrogacy contract and get the PBO. I had never heard of this, and expressed my concern. I was assured it would be fine. (I blindly trusted this attorney despite the fact that with the last surrogacy we all had to be in court. Maybe things had changed...)

I was then told the PBO couldn't be started or done before I reached an age of viability. According to all medical standards this could be 24-26 weeks gestation or later. (Meaning the child could/would survive with medical intervention if I were to give birth at this time.) The attorney decided to wait until I was much further along.

We signed all the paperwork and were told that everything would be taken care of. When I mailed the paperwork many weeks ago, we were told that was it. It would be done. I was highly skeptical and I expressed this concern. I thought we HAD to go to court to complete this. That's the way Bexar County does it, and requires it to be done. I was assured it would be fine...and I tried to push aside my fears and just let it go.

Then about a couple of weeks ago in the mail, without any notice, I get more paperwork (affidavits) and a sticky note from the attorney saying my husband and I have to sign these papers and send them back immediately in order to complete the PBO. They were the same papers we had signed weeks before. We immediately went and signed them and had them notarized and mailed them back the same night. I was frustrated at this point and again told my IM that this was ridiculous. The attorney told her not to worry, it was going to be taken care of Tuesday of this week.

Tuesday came and went, and no one heard from the attorney. My IM emailed the attorney to find out what was going on. He writes her back saying he tried on Tuesday and again on Thursday and that all four of us have to appear in court in order to complete the PBO. He then goes on to tell her that he has never heard of this and, in fact, had "one approved this morning over in Seguin." (Um, that's great...that's Guadalupe County. This Bexar. It's different rules/laws.) He then goes on to tell my IM that "The important thing to remember is that it is not required in Texas to get the pre-birth order. Your contract is enforceable." Actually, in the State of Texas, surrogacy agreements are not enforceable. They are recognized as to their intent, but they're not enforceable.

This is where it gets really bad. I'm 36 weeks pregnant. We have no PBO, which means my name has to go on the birth certificate. Because of Texas' laws, my husband has to go on the birth certificate as well because we are married and he is legally presumed the father. This means that when the time comes, both my husband and I have to sign over our parental rights so that my IPs can adopt their child. Until then, we're legally responsible.

Ok, that's not that big of a deal right? Wrong.

My husband and I are in the process of doing step parent adoptions. He's adopting my daughter, and I'm adopting his son and daughter. (I technically only have two children...but I've raised all four since they were very little and consider them all to be my children.) We've talked to our attorney who told us that if we sign away rights to a child I gave birth to in the process of this adoption then we run the risk of the courts not approving our adoptions. I've told everyone involved this. The attorney doesn't care. He keeps leading on my IPs and telling them it's all going to be ok.

At this point I have to be sure I don't give birth until my IPs are able to make it here (which at the very earliest would be over a week from now). I also have to wait until we get a court hearing, which in Bexar County could take weeks. The only chance we have to get in immediately is if we go into an open court on a Friday...which means my husband has to take two days off of work. (He works third shift, so he'd have to take Thursday night in order to sleep, and then Friday night off.) That means there are two days he won't be able to take off after I give birth to help me take care of the kids.

This has been the hardest pregnancy ever. This is not what I wanted for my last journey...and certainly not for my last pregnancy. This is completely unfair...and now our adoptions are in jeopardy. I'm just lost and hurt. I have tried so hard, in everything I do, to give selflessly to others. I figure it's what God would want of me. Call it karma. Plus, it's just the right thing to do. And now, here I am, risking everything in order to give someone else what they want...and this time I don't think the reward is greater than the risk. I am legally, financially and morally responsible for this child until the paperwork is filed...and that's not something I was willing to take on. My responsibility was supposed to be done when I delivered him...because we were to have a PBO that protected me and my family.

UGH! I'm so lost right now. I'm so stressed out! I have literally hundreds of emotions running through me and I'm trying to remain optimistic. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what, I have to do what is in the best interest of the baby...and right now that means going and making a grilled cheese sandwich and relaxing on the couch with some comedy that will make me laugh till I almost pee myself.

I'll keep ya'll updated when I know more.

No...Sleep...Till...

Yes, the title of this blog is a reference to the Beastie Boys...Sorry, my age is showing...hehe

Well, I'm officially at the stage in the pregnancy where this little guy is putting me on a schedule. Thankfully (and I kinda feel bad saying this...but) I'll get to sleep after he's born! His mother on the other hand...she'll be up every couple of hours if my sleep patterns are any indication. Last night was really bad. I would sleep for about 30-40 minutes then I'd be up for about 2 hours. I'm hoping to get a nap today. These are the days when I wish we had family closer to watch the kids for me.

I've been nesting lately. I've been trying to get a lot of cleaning done. I'm talking cleaning the baseboards and taking light fixtures off the ceiling to wash them down. It's not your normal sweeping and mopping...it's a serious deep cleaning.

The little guy has been really active yesterday and today. About an hour ago I had my hand on my belly and felt his foot push against it. I know it was a foot cause I could feel his toes. It was surreal. Usually it's just his knees and his butt he hits me with but today he decided to kick me.

I've actually gotten big. I need to take another picture for T and when I do I'll post it here.

Other than sitting and waiting for the final weeks to go by, there isn't much going on here. I just figured I'd update quickly so people didn't think I was ignoring my blog. I've started another one "Adventures in Baby Catching" to document my journey into midwifery. I'm a student midwife now! It's interesting because right now all I'm doing is reading and studying. Soon enough though I'll be able to start helping other women the way my midwife has helped me.

How do I do it?

I was talking with a friend the other day who asked me how I could give away a child I had carried for nine months and not even show signs of post partum depression (which I had with my two).

I told her I learned a few things about myself having done this once, that I will probably take with me into the final weeks and days of this journey...and into the days after this little guy is born.

First, I am a strong woman.  I can do things I never thought were possible.  For instance, I can help another woman realize her dream of a complete family and do it with grace and dignity.

Secondly, postpartum depression is exasperated by exhaustion caused by getting up with a newborn every coule of hours.  Eliminate the newborn, and you may have only slight depression.  Occupy those days and hourse after delivery with affirmations of love from family and friends and what was once a crippling issue is no longer even a blip on the radar.  (At least for me...for other women, this may not be the case and for them, I urge them to seek professional help.)

Lastly, I have realized that by spending too much time with the infant after I have deliver would muddy the waters for me.  I think this is one of the main reasons why I left the birth center within two hours of delivering Jason.  This time around I don't know if it will be the same or not.  I can only assume that watching his mother and father cuddle him and beam in his presence will help as it did last time.  Now please don't mistake this as me wanting them to take child and leave as soon as he is born.  I'm simply saying I won't hold him for too long or spend time in the days after delivery holding him and cuddling him.  I've talked with my husband and midwife and said that if at anytime I become overwhelmed I will be excusing myself and going to my bedroom.  (I'll probably need a nap too, so that'll help some.)

Speaking of plans after delivery:  Since I had issues with bleeding last time, Kenny is planning on having a BBQ after I deliver in order to get some red meat in me.  He's going to make steaks (or hamburgers, depending on what I"m hungry for) and potatoes.  He figures at the least we'll be feeding the of us, my midwife, and my IPs.  (I doubt the kids will be home yet.)  It'll be nice being able to sit around and enjoy a meal in my own home with my friends before they leave.  I don't know if they'll want to, and that's ok.  I imagine they'll tired and want to head back to where they're staying to count fingers and toes and give lots of kisses!  (And of course nap while they still can!)


Well, it's almost 5am and I've finished my midnight snack and juice.  (Who would have though, just a few months ago, that I'd be eating!  I certainly hoped it, but I couldn't imagine it...that would have made me sick!)

I'm heading to bed!

Bleh...

So on Thursday I started feeling sick. Not nauseous, but sick as in head cold sick. By Friday I had a full blown cold/flu or something. Then my right kidney started hurting. That's when I went to the ER. They said that the kidney pain wasn't because of the cold it was because little Mike had rolled into such a position that he was kneeing my kidney. They said I may have also strained a muscle. I was told to go home and rest for the next few days.

That's when the cold really started kicking my butt! I haven't been that sick in ages! I would run a low fever, then it would break and I'd be sweating up a storm...then I'd start in with a fever again...it was a vicious cycle! On top of that, I couldn't breathe through my nose and I was coughing up a storm. It didn't seem to affect little Mike though! He was still kicking and moving as much as he possibly can!

My midwife says he's growing wonderfully. She suspects I may go late. I don't know, we'll see. Nothing in this pregnancy has been easy, and I fear that labor and birth will be hard too. I've continued to do my pelvic exercises. My body is preparing itself for labor. I'm just hoping that he comes quickly (although not so quickly that no one makes it!)

We'll see. I have 7 more weeks before my due date!

Quick Letter

Dear Little Mike,

I'm pretty sure you're going to be a soccer player...or a boxer...or maybe a MMA (mixed martial artist). Either way, can you please stop kneeing my kidneys, punching my bladder and kicking my ribs? I'm sure it's boring in there, what with it being so dark and you not having a whole lot of stimulation, but come on! I'll make you a deal. You lay off the kidneys and the ribs and I'll give you an extra hour of music a day. Better yet, I'll stop patting your bottom when you start beating the crap out of me.

Deal?

*hugs*
Ms. Jenni

Quick Update

Well, not much has changed here. I haven't been feeling very well lately. The hyperemesis is starting to come back and that scares the hell out of me! I haven't been full out vomiting, but I have been feeling really nauseous and have dry heaved quite a few times. I've been eating several small meals through out the day and when I feel especially sick, I eat some crackers and have some tea.

I've become a lot more holistic over the past several months. I'd rather take herbs to fix things instead of using medications manufactured in a lab somewhere. I have all sorts of herbs in the house and will be ordering (hopefully within the next week or two) herbs in bulk in order to make salves and tinctures of my own. I have found several very helpful websites that teach how to do it (the basics) and then I have found websites that tell me what herbs do what and how to use them. I'm just really excited!

We went to the beach on Monday and while we were there a couple of the kids got stung by jellyfish. My son got stung pretty bad on his foot and was in near hysterics. I gave him some "Rescue Remedy" which an herbal tincture that helps relax a person. Once he was calm, we were able to see that the sting wasn't that bad at all...he just has a very low pain tolerance. It just re-affirmed that herbs are the way to go for my family.

Well, the kids have been asking to go swimming all day, so I'm going to get my suit on and go out back. I tell you, we've gotten more use out of that pool this year then we have in any other summer.

Update

So things are trekking right along. I've started eating 5 smaller meals a day rather than three big ones because I can't eat like that anymore. It makes me nauseous. It's like I'm trying to stuff too much food in there and and there isn't enough room for it all. I've lost three pounds in the past week. I've been told though that it's not uncommon to lose weight in the last trimester and it's nothing to worry about so long as the little guy is growing normally. Well, he's growing like a weed! So I'm not worried. I figure if I lose a little weight now, it's less I have to lose after he's born. ;) (Not that I'm going to have much to lose anyway!)

I was thinking last night and I thought of something really interesting when it comes to weight. I was 120 until I had my second child. After I had her, I started putting on weight and stayed around 150. I'd love to get down to 130 as that is a healthy weight for me...but I was never able to lose those last 20 pounds. Well, the way things are going this pregnancy, after I deliver I might be down to 150 right off the bat! That would mean the typical 15 or so pounds I lose after pregnancy cut into that 20 pounds I can never seem to lose! I doubt it would work like that, but I can dream right?

So the pool is a wonderful respite in the middle of the afternoon. It helps take the pressure of my hips and lower back and it cools me down. Plus I love being outside in the sun! It's so nice!

I've been sleeping a lot more lately...when I can actually sleep. Last night I slept almost 12 hours! The night before I slept only about 4 hours. I guess it balances itself out in the end, but I'd prefer to sleep 8 hours each night instead of 3 or 4 then 12...that's just irritating! At least I can still pseudo sleep on my stomach. I'm able to halfway lay on my stomach (partially on my side partially on my stomach) and that's how I sleep.

So that's where we are right now. I have about 10 weeks left in this pregnancy! I can't believe it! Only 10 weeks!