Sometimes it's the little things in life that get you through. For instance, this is my 100th blog entry. Better yet, we're in the third trimester! This pregnancy is nearly over! I don't think I've ever been so happy to be done with a pregnancy. I know it probably sounds bad, but I'm starting to resent this whole situation. I was so sick for so long and I tried so hard to keep it together but the short term and long term effects have taken their toll. I lost weight and am finally gaining and keeping it on. Then yesterday my back tooth chipped. I can't imagine any reason why it would chip other than the acid from constant vomiting ate away at the tooth. I'm hoping to get into the dentist today to see what he can do to fix it. At least it isn't hurting anymore. It is sharp on the one end and cutting into my cheek if I'm not careful.
The last thing that it effected is one that I'm having major issues letting go of and dealing with. I've wanted another child for years, but my husband didn't think we could afford one, etc. (There were a lot of reasons why he didn't think we should have another one.) Well, he thought we were ready and could afford one and all the obstacles were gone for us having another one. We researched a vasectomy reversal and what all that would entail, cost, etc. We figured that some time next year he would have the reversal and in about two years we'd start trying for another little one. That dream is gone now though. I can't carry another child. I'm sure I could carry a child, it's not that I can't physically carry one (at this point) but this pregnancy has taken so much out of me I don't think I can mentally do it. I worry that I probably won't be able to physically do it either. Either way, my husband has decided it's best we don't have another one...so we won't. That is depressing to me. It's made me cry regularly.
I ordered some more herbs. These herbs will keep my body and mind balanced. I also ordered herbs for the kids. I'm so glad to be getting off most of the meds (I'm staying on the Reglan for now...thanks again Dr. Pandya!!!) and to be getting back to more natural remedies.
The best thing through all of this is the fact that little Mike is doing great. None of this seems to have affected him at all. His heartbeat is perfect. When we've laid eyes on him he looks perfect. In fact, he's measuring ahead of schedule. I'm 28 weeks and he's measuring just over 30 weeks! Apparently he's doing just fine! That makes me feel good. No matter how I feel he's not being affected. Drinking protein shakes, Boost, and all the other little tricks I learned to get calories in and vitamins down seem to have helped him...even if they did nothing for me!
My midwifery training has started. I can't wait to really get moving on this new track in my life. Kenny reminded me that I have all the credits I need to start med school and that's still an option if I'm interested. I told him to let me finish with my midwifery training first so I'm at least bringing in some money before I decide about med school. He knows me though. He knows I'm always wanting to learn something new and move forward. I'll never be content to just have a job/career...that I'll always want to try something else. We'll see what the future holds.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
88 days!
I was checking my blog looking for something I posted a while back and just saw that we only have 88 days left! Holy crap! Time flies when you're not barfing!
So we spent all weekend outside in the pool and hiking. It was a lot of fun! It's so nice to finally start getting energy back. Sunday night and part of the day Monday I just in the shade of my patio set and watched the kids play, but it was still great! Dr. Pandya is a saint. He's the one who changed my meds (I'm now on Reglan) and I am feeling so much better!
Well, there really isn't a whole lot to update right now. I'm still waking up around 3am and not falling back asleep until after 730am. I have a feeling this little guy might be born during that time. We'll see!
So we spent all weekend outside in the pool and hiking. It was a lot of fun! It's so nice to finally start getting energy back. Sunday night and part of the day Monday I just in the shade of my patio set and watched the kids play, but it was still great! Dr. Pandya is a saint. He's the one who changed my meds (I'm now on Reglan) and I am feeling so much better!
Well, there really isn't a whole lot to update right now. I'm still waking up around 3am and not falling back asleep until after 730am. I have a feeling this little guy might be born during that time. We'll see!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
One year ago
So yesterday was a different sort of milestone for me. Jason, the first child I gave birth to via surrogacy, turned one. It was crazy for me to think that one year ago I gave birth to a child over nine pounds that was the pride and joy of his parents...and I wasn't one of them. It fills me with a sense of pride to think that I helped another family in such a huge way.
I'll be getting together with G&K and will get to see Jason in the next few weeks. I'm so excited at the prospect of seeing this little man.
On a lighter note, I went to see this new doctor: Dr. Pandya. I think I'm in love with him. He changed my meds. I'm now on Reglan, Unisom/B6 and of course my prenatal vitamins...and I'm keeping food down every time I eat now! I'm so excited! I just can't believe that this medication has been out there and I didn't know about it. I'm starting to feel so much better! Dr. Pandya told me that I can start doing yoga or low impact exercises here soon. Working out always makes me feel better. I know some people have said I shouldn't work out because it'll make me lose weight...that's not why I do it. I exercise because it lifts my moods and increases my appetite. I just feel better overall if I work out...so I'm looking forward to being able to do yoga again.
In the meantime, I have friends helping with Reiki attunements and other wholistic means of getting my mind and body back on track helping me out. I've been working on my hypnosis for the birth and am looking forward to the last trimester. Hopefully it will go by smoothly and I'll be comfortable. Kenny has been working to get the pool in tip top shape so I can start swimming this week. It'll be nice for when the summer months get really hot...and I'm huge and uncomfortable!
Well, I need to get some housework done. It's amazing the amount of dust that piles up when you're spending most of your life hugging the commode!
I'll be getting together with G&K and will get to see Jason in the next few weeks. I'm so excited at the prospect of seeing this little man.
On a lighter note, I went to see this new doctor: Dr. Pandya. I think I'm in love with him. He changed my meds. I'm now on Reglan, Unisom/B6 and of course my prenatal vitamins...and I'm keeping food down every time I eat now! I'm so excited! I just can't believe that this medication has been out there and I didn't know about it. I'm starting to feel so much better! Dr. Pandya told me that I can start doing yoga or low impact exercises here soon. Working out always makes me feel better. I know some people have said I shouldn't work out because it'll make me lose weight...that's not why I do it. I exercise because it lifts my moods and increases my appetite. I just feel better overall if I work out...so I'm looking forward to being able to do yoga again.
In the meantime, I have friends helping with Reiki attunements and other wholistic means of getting my mind and body back on track helping me out. I've been working on my hypnosis for the birth and am looking forward to the last trimester. Hopefully it will go by smoothly and I'll be comfortable. Kenny has been working to get the pool in tip top shape so I can start swimming this week. It'll be nice for when the summer months get really hot...and I'm huge and uncomfortable!
Well, I need to get some housework done. It's amazing the amount of dust that piles up when you're spending most of your life hugging the commode!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Milestone!
I noticed today that we've hit a milestone! We're down to double digits! According to the little ticker over there <---- I have 99 days left in this pregnancy!
I tell you what. This pregnancy has been hell on me. I don't think I've put on here yet just how bad the hyperemesis is. I haven't wanted to worry a couple of the people who read my blog. Well, it's time I come completely clean. It's time that everyone knows just how bad it is, and what I'm sacrificing.
On an average day, I vomit between 12 and 30 times. I have gotten sick more than that. On the days when I don't get sick I still feel sick. Most days I can keep down water and other fluids. Some days I can keep down solids. Today I'm struggling to keep down liquids. I've had some onion soup broth and some orange juice. I feel so sick! I'm trying so hard not to vomit...but I fear I'm going to lose the fight.
Some days I have trouble standing without getting dehydrated. Other days I do just fine. I'm always tired though. My body aches. I just don't have the strength to keep pushing forward. I'm getting sick and tired of people asking if I'm ok, "how's the barfing", "what's wrong"...seriously people, my life is consumed with trying to keep food down and keep everything on track...I don't need to be reminded of it all. Yesterday I picked up my son from school and (after having slept most of the day away) had enough strength to run to the grocery store. We needed just a couple of things for dinner. Someone I know (an acquaintance) looked at me and says "You like shit. What's wrong with you?" I lost it. I started crying. Then I got mad. I told her that I answer that question every time she sees me. The most recent time being Saturday. I told her that I hadn't kept food down in days and was living off of protein shakes in the hopes that this little one would grow strong...and that I would just survive. I told her I was tired of having do it all alone because no one else actually helped. Well, then asked what I needed. I told her I needed someone to help clean the house, and take the kids to and from school. She tells me that she can't. I started laughing. I told her this was the same thing everyone else said. "What do you need?" I tell them. "Oh, I can't do that." And then I want to ask "Well why the fuck did you ask if you weren't actually going to help me!?!?"
I have a doctor's appointment on Saturday with an OB that is going to give me better solutions for this situation I've gotten myself into. (Yes, I say I got myself into this. I chose to do another surrogacy. I chose to put myself at risk, thinking like so many women do, that pregnancy isn't anything serious. Most of the time it's not.) I've been told the chances are very high that he's going to put a PICC line in and give me a Zofran pump which will give me a continuous dose of Zofran. I'll also be taught how to keep fluids going so I'm not dehydrated. Hopefully this will at least keep me going until the end of the pregnancy.
For those who don't know, a PICC line is (basically put) a long term IV that is placed in a large vein. It'll stay in for the duration of the pregnancy. My biggest fear is that by going to the OB and having myself taken care of, I won't get the birth I want. That I'll be forced to deliver in a hospital. At this point, I don't care though. I need help...physically, mentally, emotionally. I just need some relief.
I hold on to the hope though that we're under 100 days and we've only got double digits left...well, that and the fact that as I write this little Michael has horrible hiccups and is also punching my bladder. He's a strong little bugger!
I tell you what. This pregnancy has been hell on me. I don't think I've put on here yet just how bad the hyperemesis is. I haven't wanted to worry a couple of the people who read my blog. Well, it's time I come completely clean. It's time that everyone knows just how bad it is, and what I'm sacrificing.
On an average day, I vomit between 12 and 30 times. I have gotten sick more than that. On the days when I don't get sick I still feel sick. Most days I can keep down water and other fluids. Some days I can keep down solids. Today I'm struggling to keep down liquids. I've had some onion soup broth and some orange juice. I feel so sick! I'm trying so hard not to vomit...but I fear I'm going to lose the fight.
Some days I have trouble standing without getting dehydrated. Other days I do just fine. I'm always tired though. My body aches. I just don't have the strength to keep pushing forward. I'm getting sick and tired of people asking if I'm ok, "how's the barfing", "what's wrong"...seriously people, my life is consumed with trying to keep food down and keep everything on track...I don't need to be reminded of it all. Yesterday I picked up my son from school and (after having slept most of the day away) had enough strength to run to the grocery store. We needed just a couple of things for dinner. Someone I know (an acquaintance) looked at me and says "You like shit. What's wrong with you?" I lost it. I started crying. Then I got mad. I told her that I answer that question every time she sees me. The most recent time being Saturday. I told her that I hadn't kept food down in days and was living off of protein shakes in the hopes that this little one would grow strong...and that I would just survive. I told her I was tired of having do it all alone because no one else actually helped. Well, then asked what I needed. I told her I needed someone to help clean the house, and take the kids to and from school. She tells me that she can't. I started laughing. I told her this was the same thing everyone else said. "What do you need?" I tell them. "Oh, I can't do that." And then I want to ask "Well why the fuck did you ask if you weren't actually going to help me!?!?"
I have a doctor's appointment on Saturday with an OB that is going to give me better solutions for this situation I've gotten myself into. (Yes, I say I got myself into this. I chose to do another surrogacy. I chose to put myself at risk, thinking like so many women do, that pregnancy isn't anything serious. Most of the time it's not.) I've been told the chances are very high that he's going to put a PICC line in and give me a Zofran pump which will give me a continuous dose of Zofran. I'll also be taught how to keep fluids going so I'm not dehydrated. Hopefully this will at least keep me going until the end of the pregnancy.
For those who don't know, a PICC line is (basically put) a long term IV that is placed in a large vein. It'll stay in for the duration of the pregnancy. My biggest fear is that by going to the OB and having myself taken care of, I won't get the birth I want. That I'll be forced to deliver in a hospital. At this point, I don't care though. I need help...physically, mentally, emotionally. I just need some relief.
I hold on to the hope though that we're under 100 days and we've only got double digits left...well, that and the fact that as I write this little Michael has horrible hiccups and is also punching my bladder. He's a strong little bugger!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
An interesting article
I found this article today and thought I would share.
I took a zofran before bed last night along with my Unisom/B6. Then, as soon as I got up this morning, before even getting out of bed, I took a Zofran. I ate some oatmeal and have drunk some milk. Here's to hoping!
I had been doing so well that now that I've had a bad day I feel as though it's never going to end. I have a local doctor's number though, and I'm going to give him a call. Hopefully he'll be able to help me. Otherwise, I'm stuck drinking my dinners from here to delivery. At least I'm keeping liquids down! (There's my silver lining!)
I need to go rest. I'm so tired today~
I took a zofran before bed last night along with my Unisom/B6. Then, as soon as I got up this morning, before even getting out of bed, I took a Zofran. I ate some oatmeal and have drunk some milk. Here's to hoping!
I had been doing so well that now that I've had a bad day I feel as though it's never going to end. I have a local doctor's number though, and I'm going to give him a call. Hopefully he'll be able to help me. Otherwise, I'm stuck drinking my dinners from here to delivery. At least I'm keeping liquids down! (There's my silver lining!)
I need to go rest. I'm so tired today~
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sleep? We don't need no stinking sleep!
Well, this little man has already started with his schedule...and it's one I'm fairly familiar with. It also has me a bit nervous!
I wake every morning around 3:30am and can't get back to sleep until (usually) around 730am. That would mean I should be getting tired right...about...now...
Nope, nothing. Oh well! It was worth a shot right? Yeah, well, there are days like today when I'm tired, but I'm not tired enough to sleep. This little guy has decided that today we're going to be up a bit later! (Yeah me!) At least hubby's been home to help me out with the kids. He's been taking them to school in the morning so I can rest if I need to. He goes back to work tomorrow though, which means that Wednesday is all me! Let's hope I can hold out long enough to get the kids school!
So, the reason this has me nervous? Well, Jason, my first surro-journey, was the same way. I went into labor at 3am with him. Yep, so we may be looking at an early morning birth here as well. At least if he makes his appearance by 7, as Jason did (actually Jason was born just after 7am) then hubby will be home in order to take the kids school by 730!
Speaking of the first surro-bub: I got an email this weekend from his mom saying they'd like to come visit me! His first birthday is a week from tomorrow. I can't even believe it! I'm sure he's so big by now! I'm going to email her today and set something up.
Well, I'm actually starting to get tired now, believe it or not. I'm going to go and try to sleep!
I wake every morning around 3:30am and can't get back to sleep until (usually) around 730am. That would mean I should be getting tired right...about...now...
Nope, nothing. Oh well! It was worth a shot right? Yeah, well, there are days like today when I'm tired, but I'm not tired enough to sleep. This little guy has decided that today we're going to be up a bit later! (Yeah me!) At least hubby's been home to help me out with the kids. He's been taking them to school in the morning so I can rest if I need to. He goes back to work tomorrow though, which means that Wednesday is all me! Let's hope I can hold out long enough to get the kids school!
So, the reason this has me nervous? Well, Jason, my first surro-journey, was the same way. I went into labor at 3am with him. Yep, so we may be looking at an early morning birth here as well. At least if he makes his appearance by 7, as Jason did (actually Jason was born just after 7am) then hubby will be home in order to take the kids school by 730!
Speaking of the first surro-bub: I got an email this weekend from his mom saying they'd like to come visit me! His first birthday is a week from tomorrow. I can't even believe it! I'm sure he's so big by now! I'm going to email her today and set something up.
Well, I'm actually starting to get tired now, believe it or not. I'm going to go and try to sleep!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Shh...don't tell anyone...
I have a confession. It's been 2 1/2 days since I last got sick. And before that it was a whole 2 days. Don't tell anyone, but I think the worst is slowly coming to an end! (And if anyone happens to bump into me, please for love of all that is holy, don't tell the little guy!) In addition to not getting sick multiple times a day, I'm also putting on weight! Finally! I weighed in this morning and I'm holding steady at at 170! I was 167.5 at the beginning of the week. It could be a combination of not being dehydrated and eating regularly...but I figure since Michael (his new name) is kicking harder, he's probably putting on some weight too.
Let's see, what else is going on here. Oh! I graduate today! *bows* Thank you! Thank you! I actually just walk today and I receive my diploma this summer when I finish my last two classes. I've actually been trying to decide whether or not to complete those two classes. You see, I've decided on a career change. I'm going to be a midwife. I was so impacted by these wonderful women who came into my life and helped me when I was at my most vulnerable that I want to be like them. I want to help other women through this journey in their lives.
I'm so excited about this change. I took my CPR course this weekend and passed I finished filling out the application today and will mail it in this afternoon. I have a list of books to read, and as soon as they get my application I'll have more study materials, etc. Then I just start reading and studying. My beautiful (inside and out) midwife, Sam, is a preceptor and I'm hoping that she will accept me as a student midwife. My first module starts in October, so that gives me several months to read up and prepare for this new path I've set out on. It's also about a month after I'm due, so I'll have time to heal before I get started on the module!
I'm just really happy and at peace right now. What more could I want? (Well, I guess I could ask that the hyperemesis officially be over and not leaving me guessing...but I'm content just knowing that for now, I'm eating and healthy!)
Let's see, what else is going on here. Oh! I graduate today! *bows* Thank you! Thank you! I actually just walk today and I receive my diploma this summer when I finish my last two classes. I've actually been trying to decide whether or not to complete those two classes. You see, I've decided on a career change. I'm going to be a midwife. I was so impacted by these wonderful women who came into my life and helped me when I was at my most vulnerable that I want to be like them. I want to help other women through this journey in their lives.
I'm so excited about this change. I took my CPR course this weekend and passed I finished filling out the application today and will mail it in this afternoon. I have a list of books to read, and as soon as they get my application I'll have more study materials, etc. Then I just start reading and studying. My beautiful (inside and out) midwife, Sam, is a preceptor and I'm hoping that she will accept me as a student midwife. My first module starts in October, so that gives me several months to read up and prepare for this new path I've set out on. It's also about a month after I'm due, so I'll have time to heal before I get started on the module!
I'm just really happy and at peace right now. What more could I want? (Well, I guess I could ask that the hyperemesis officially be over and not leaving me guessing...but I'm content just knowing that for now, I'm eating and healthy!)
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