The Life of a Surrogate Mother

Michael Christopher has arrived!

2010-08-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

Tuesday August 17th just before 2am I woke up because I felt a little off. I went to get out of bed and my water broke. I called my midwife and let her know that my water broke, but I wasn't having contractions. She said to call her back when I started having contractions. We hung up. I decided to wait to call my IM as nothing was happening and there was no use in her losing sleep. I figured I would call when I started having regular contractions.

I tried to rest, but was a bit uncomfortable. I was having some contractions but they weren't regular. They were fluctuating between 3 and 5 minutes. I probably should have called my midwife, but I felt that because she has three kids she shouldn't be called out of bed until they were regular...boy did I learn something about that logic!

At this point I was sitting at my computer playing games. I realized the contractions were much stronger and taking my breath away. I got up and walked from my desk to the bedroom to wake my hubby and then to call my midwife. I had a contraction on the walk into the bedroom, and another when I got in there. They were two minutes apart and lasting about two minutes. I called my midwife (who, BTW, lives an hour and a half way). She told me she would call her assistant (who only lived 30 minutes away) and let her know that it was time to head over. Because of issues with my bank card, my birth kit hadn't been ordered yet, so Alisa, the assistant midwife stopped by her birth center to pick up one of her kits for me. This was at 4 am.

As soon as I got off the phone with my midwife, I called my IM. She said she would book the first flight she could and would be there in ASAP! Hubby fielded a call from Sam, my midwife, who told him to keep me in bed on my side until she got there. I told him I had to pee first. I had a contraction walking into the bathroom. Hubby had run and grabbed the sheets to make the bed so I could labor there if I wanted. While in the bathroom I had another painful contraction. I got down on all fours because I couldn't stand and I was afraid if I sat on the toilet I would start pushing. Hubby had already told me I wasn't allowed to push. Well, while I was on all fours, I had another contraction and felt the urge to push. Between contractions I didn't have to push, but during them, I wanted to so bad. Instead, I tried to breath.

It was at this point, while in the bathroom on all fours, that hubby looked in from making the bed and realized what was going on. Now I blame on the TLC birth stories and such that I watch for educating this man on different birth positions...either way, he told me to get up because I wasn't allowed to do anything that would progress labor before one of the midwives got there. He got me out of the bathroom and into bed. I laid on my left side and tried to breath. He pushed on my back and talked me through each contraction telling me to blow. Between contractions, he ran to the dryer to warm towels and prepared the bedroom. The entire time he was on the phone with Sam telling her what was going on.

Sam kept telling me I was doing great. I felt like I was losing control. My body went on autopilot and no matter how hard I tried, it did what nature taught it to do on instinct. With each contraction I would blow and pant and squeeze my husband's hand...and with each contraction my body would slowly start pushing him further out. I could feel him move out, and then as the contraction ended he slid back up inside. Sam kept saying I was doing great. Kenny was giving her moment by moment updates. He kept trying to get me to breath...and I kept trying to hold him in until someone arrived.

Have you ever seen the movie Rat Race? You know when the family is in the car and the girl says she has to use the bathroom. The tells her to hold it, and she says she's "prarie dogging." Well, I told Kenny I was prarie dogging and he kind of laughed...until the next contraction. He immediately told Sam the baby's head was poking out. About 1/4 of it was showing. She asked what color it was. He told her flesh colored. I said that he was moving between contractions, which is a good sign and I remembered this from my midwifery books. I had another contraction and didn't think I could wait another minute. That was when Alisa came walking in!

Because of my history of postpartum bleeding she drew up a shot of Pitocin, had me roll onto my back and with one breath (literally, I breathed through and barely pushed) Michael's head was out. Sam came running in, and with that last push (I actually got to push on that one!) his body was out. I couldn't believe I had managed to keep him until the midwives arrived. It was 504am.

I got to cut Michael's umbilical cord. I didn't bleed at all. I delivered the placenta and was doing great. Alisa and Sam held Michael while Kenny ran and got coffee and breakfast. I started to feel a little off and got a shot of Pitocin to slow the bleeding that had started.

That's when things get a bit more fuzzy for me. I know that I had a slow trickling bleed that was well maintained by my midwives. I got two shots of Pitocin and then a Methargine. I lost enough blood to make me going into shock...but just less than enough to need to be transported and have a transfusion and all that crap. I'm so glad I had Sam there to help me maintain my composure. I trust her fully, so when she told me I wasn't going to die, I just needed to relax and drink some more, I believed her. (Although there was a moment when I was on my back, getting oxygen and it sounded like I was underwater and I couldn't focus that I wondered...)

When T, my IM arrived, I was so proud to hand her her son. I had already said my goodbyes...it was time for her to say hello. I gave her a hug and she admired her little man. He immediately showed her what has become my favorite thing about him...he clasps his hands together across his chest, interlocking his fingers, as though he were praying. It's only appropriate considering his name. Michael means "who is like God" and Christopher means "Christ-like." Maybe all those prayers I said all those months ago while being sick on the floor in the bathroom had more influence on him than I thought.

I'm healing well. Kenny is following the midwife's orders to a T. I'm not allowed to do much of anything today. Tonight I can take a car ride. We're going to ride to Sonic for slushes. If I'm lucky tomorrow I'll get to go to my youngest's Meet the Teacher night at school. It will be a little walking around, but I think it'll be good for me to get out.

I'm still not sure what this journey was supposed to teach me, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Either way, this chapter in my life is coming to an end. I'm excited to see what the next chapter brings!

Sunday August 8, 2010

2010-08-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

Oh what a night!

So yesterday I wasn't feeling well. I thought I was dehydrated as no matter how much I drank I wasn't urinating. Then it started to feel like if I didn't go I was going to explode...but I still couldn't pee. My back started to ache and no matter what I tried, I couldn't get comfortable. When I would go into the bathroom only a few trickles of urine would come out. I was really starting to get worried!

Around 1030pm I took two Tylenol, a Holy Basil, a melatonin, and a Unisom...my nightly routine. (Well, I don't normally take Tylenol, but the pain was growing so intense, I had to!) I was hoping to be able to fall asleep and wake in the morning feeling better!

I dozed off for about 30 minutes. I woke around 1120pm and was in so much pain! I just knew I was in labor! I tried to time the contractions, but they were constant...there was no break! I sat on my birth ball in order to progress things and figure out what was going on and that's when it hit me. While I was having contractions, that's not what the pain was from. My back was killing me! My bladder was on fire! And to top it off, I swear I felt a direct line from the pain in my back to my bladder.

It was then it dawned on me. I had a kidney infection. I gave myself an hour to start peeing (because I still hadn't peed...at all) and then I was going to the hospital. I drank three more glasses of water and around midnight I went to the bathroom because I felt (again) like I had to urinate.

...and boy did I go!

Have you ever seen A League of Their Own? You know the scene where the girls are in the locker room and Tom Hanks comes in drunk and goes into the bathroom and starts peeing...and one of the girls starts timing him when it seems as though he's been peeing forever. Yep, that was me! I must have easily released half a gallon of urine! Every drop of it burned coming out, but I felt so much relief in that moment!

When I went to wipe, there was some puss with pink tinge. There was more in the bowl. There were also two floating "balls" surrounded by puss. (They weren't that big all...about the size of well of the period on this page. I probably wouldn't have even seen them if not for the fact that they were literally coated in bloody puss.) I grabbed a cup and fished them out of the bowl. I had just passed two kidney stones.

About an hour later, around 1am, I passed a third one. After that I slept like a rock. I felt so good! Today's a little bit of a different story. I feel like someone punched me in the kidney. It's nothing like it was yesterday...more like it's bruised. I told my husband that when I got up off the birth ball last night to try to go, I had already put clothes on because I fully expected to be leaving for the hospital a few moments after. He said he did too. I called my PCP (primary care physician) and he told me to save the stones and set up and appointment for Monday. He's going to send me to a urologist as this is the fourth time I've passed a kidney stone. (This being the most severe with me passing three stones at once.)

What I can't believe: This little guy managed to stay put through all of that! He's been moving just fine today with a regular, strong heartbeat. I'm so glad that it didn't affect him! There was a point last night where I was certain he was going to make an appearance. I had everything prepared and the list of phone numbers for hubby to call ready. The only thing I was waiting on was a good set of contractions to show I was in labor and it was go time. I can't imagine how bad I would have felt calling everyone and getting them all up and ready to go...only to pass some kidney stones and have it be a false alarm!

The day is coming though. And when it does, I'll be prepared. (As I'm sure his parents will be!)

Saturday August 7, 2010

2010-08-18T07:49:00.002-07:00

I'm going to write quickly as I'm not feeling well.

I finally got off bed rest today. We decided to take the boat out to celebrate. The kids had fun riding the tube. I even managed to convince hubby try knee boarding. It was a great day on the lake!

I have a headache and I think I may be slightly dehydrated. I drank six bottles of water and two Gatorades, but...well, putting it bluntly, I'm not peeing.

The little guy is doing great! He's been active today. He seems to know when I'm in, on or near water. He always gets more active. He's slowed down a bit over the past hour, but he's probably exhausted!

...speaking of exhausted. I'm getting tired. I'm going to go try to catch some zzzz's!

Wednesday August 4, 2010

2010-08-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

After talking to a prominent surrogacy lawyer in Texas and getting her advice and take on things, we finally have the PBO. I don't know what was going on with that, but it was completely and utterly ridiculous!

The reason I stopped writing my blog was because something I had said in it seemed to upset my IM and she emailed me about it. Whatever her truth was, it wasn't the same as the lawyer's truth...and now that we've had to deal with both of them, I don't think either truth was reality. I think they both had some reality to their truth, but each had bits and pieces missing. I don't think any of it was done maliciously, I just think that no one really stopped to think of the long term consequences that this could have on me and my family.

Whatever the case may be, PBO paperwork is finally finished and I don't have to worry about that anymore.

I'm still stuck on bedrest. Hubby emailed my IM to let her know, and so far as I know she hasn't emailed him back yet. She certainly hasn't emailed me. That hurts. I'm carrying her child and she hasn't bothered to ask how I'm doing. Screw me...she hasn't bothered to email and ask her son is doing even. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. She's visiting family right now, so I assume she's probably busy.

Only two more days of lying here bed and I get to get up! I'm so ready to be done with bed rest. I have no idea how women can do this for weeks on end. I'm a fairly active person and not being able to sit up, or get up, or do anything but lay here in bed is driving me nuts!

No longer blogging

2010-08-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

For reasons I can't get into right now, I will no longer be blogging during this pregnancy. Once the child is born, I will publish the blogs I wrote during this time.

Lastly, I'm asking for prayers. I'm currently on bed rest until next weekend. I started having contractions that were hard and close together. Being that I"m only 36 weeks, we want to keep the little guy in for (at the very least) another week.

Thank you!

I found out....

2010-07-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

So I found out today that no one had bothered to tell the attorney why there was such a sense of urgency on the PBO. No one told him we're trying to complete a step parent adoption...

My husband spoke with him today and they've come to an agreement in an attempt to get this finished quickly. The attorney apparently apologized and said if he knew all of the circumstances he would have made sure it was finished sooner. This is now his number one priority and will be taken care of within a week...one way or another.

I just frustrated that my life, and how all of this would affect me and my family didn't seem to be taken into account. On top of that, I'm under undue amounts of stress because of this drama. I just want to be able to sit back and enjoy these last weeks of pregnancy...not having to worry about who is going to be responsible for what if this child is born early...not having to worry about what if this screws up our step-parent adoption, putting us even further behind schedule, and my husband dies (my kids would be torn away from me to live with their biological mother...a woman who they don't even know and has serious mental issues) or if my ex-husband finds out that the adoption has been postponed yet again and comes after me (legally or otherwise).

I'm just trying to process this whole day and I'm having trouble doing it. I need to get all of this out, otherwise it's going to cause me to explode.

Hubby decided we're leaving this weekend for a mini vacation. We're going to parts unknown until Monday (maybe only Sunday depending on how we're all feeling). We're going to get the boat and hopefully spend the weekend on a lake. The kids can tube and ski (I can't wait to have this little one so I can ski...and ride my motorcycle!). We might do some fishing. Whatever we do, the phones will remain locked away for emergencies only.

That's just what the doctor ordered.

It just keeps getting better...

2010-07-30T12:42:00.000-07:00

I've contacted an attorney. I'm at a loss right now. I've tried twice to rest and relax but every time I start to settle down I feel like I have to get up and move, to do something. I'm so on edge and stressed out.

I digress.

I contacted an attorney that does surrogacy arrangements in Texas regarding our situation. I'm considering retaining her in order to protect myself and my family. Anyway, this is what is on her website:

"Intended Parents should not only have a contract with the Gestational Surrogate and her husband (if married) but the contract should be validated by a Court of Law prior to the embryo transfer. In Texas, validation is not required; however a contract which is not validated prior to the embryo transfer is UNENFORCEABLE and the Intended Parents would have to establish the parent-child relationship between themselves and the child through a family court proceeding after the child is born. Validating the Contract prior to the transfer simplifies the process and legally establishes the parent-child relationship between the child (or children) and the Intended Parents before the embryos are ever transferred. This process is far preferable in the event of any complications.

Texas is one of a handful of surrogacy friendly states and has enacted a surrogacy statute which specifically allows surrogacy agreements to be validated by the Court on the following basis:

1. The Intended Parents must be married
2. The Gestational Surrogates egg may not be used; a donor egg or the egg of the Intended Mother may be used;
3. The Intended Parents must show they have a medical need for the gestational surrogate;
4. The Gestational Surrogate must have achieved a successful pregnancy and birth.

Under these circumstances, the Texas Court will validate a Gestational Surrogacy Agreement. Additionally, Texas law does not require both the Intended Parents and the Gestational Surrogate to be residents of Texas to validate an agreement. In order for a Texas Court to validate a gestational agreement, either the Intended Parents or the Gestational Surrogate must have resided in the state of Texas for at least ninety (90) days prior to filing the petition. The Court also has the discretion to order a home study prior to signing a pre-birth order."

I need a massage. I need to do something to try to relax. I'm having mild contractions. They're not regular and they're not strong so I'm not worried at this point. My midwife told me to relax and try to alleviate the stress.

No good deed goes unpunished...

2010-07-30T09:38:00.002-07:00

So my IPs' attorney kept telling them they didn't have to be in court to validate our surrogacy contract and get the PBO. I had never heard of this, and expressed my concern. I was assured it would be fine. (I blindly trusted this attorney despite the fact that with the last surrogacy we all had to be in court. Maybe things had changed...)

I was then told the PBO couldn't be started or done before I reached an age of viability. According to all medical standards this could be 24-26 weeks gestation or later. (Meaning the child could/would survive with medical intervention if I were to give birth at this time.) The attorney decided to wait until I was much further along.

We signed all the paperwork and were told that everything would be taken care of. When I mailed the paperwork many weeks ago, we were told that was it. It would be done. I was highly skeptical and I expressed this concern. I thought we HAD to go to court to complete this. That's the way Bexar County does it, and requires it to be done. I was assured it would be fine...and I tried to push aside my fears and just let it go.

Then about a couple of weeks ago in the mail, without any notice, I get more paperwork (affidavits) and a sticky note from the attorney saying my husband and I have to sign these papers and send them back immediately in order to complete the PBO. They were the same papers we had signed weeks before. We immediately went and signed them and had them notarized and mailed them back the same night. I was frustrated at this point and again told my IM that this was ridiculous. The attorney told her not to worry, it was going to be taken care of Tuesday of this week.

Tuesday came and went, and no one heard from the attorney. My IM emailed the attorney to find out what was going on. He writes her back saying he tried on Tuesday and again on Thursday and that all four of us have to appear in court in order to complete the PBO. He then goes on to tell her that he has never heard of this and, in fact, had "one approved this morning over in Seguin." (Um, that's great...that's Guadalupe County. This Bexar. It's different rules/laws.) He then goes on to tell my IM that "The important thing to remember is that it is not required in Texas to get the pre-birth order. Your contract is enforceable." Actually, in the State of Texas, surrogacy agreements are not enforceable. They are recognized as to their intent, but they're not enforceable.

This is where it gets really bad. I'm 36 weeks pregnant. We have no PBO, which means my name has to go on the birth certificate. Because of Texas' laws, my husband has to go on the birth certificate as well because we are married and he is legally presumed the father. This means that when the time comes, both my husband and I have to sign over our parental rights so that my IPs can adopt their child. Until then, we're legally responsible.

Ok, that's not that big of a deal right? Wrong.

My husband and I are in the process of doing step parent adoptions. He's adopting my daughter, and I'm adopting his son and daughter. (I technically only have two children...but I've raised all four since they were very little and consider them all to be my children.) We've talked to our attorney who told us that if we sign away rights to a child I gave birth to in the process of this adoption then we run the risk of the courts not approving our adoptions. I've told everyone involved this. The attorney doesn't care. He keeps leading on my IPs and telling them it's all going to be ok.

At this point I have to be sure I don't give birth until my IPs are able to make it here (which at the very earliest would be over a week from now). I also have to wait until we get a court hearing, which in Bexar County could take weeks. The only chance we have to get in immediately is if we go into an open court on a Friday...which means my husband has to take two days off of work. (He works third shift, so he'd have to take Thursday night in order to sleep, and then Friday night off.) That means there are two days he won't be able to take off after I give birth to help me take care of the kids.

This has been the hardest pregnancy ever. This is not what I wanted for my last journey...and certainly not for my last pregnancy. This is completely unfair...and now our adoptions are in jeopardy. I'm just lost and hurt. I have tried so hard, in everything I do, to give selflessly to others. I figure it's what God would want of me. Call it karma. Plus, it's just the right thing to do. And now, here I am, risking everything in order to give someone else what they want...and this time I don't think the reward is greater than the risk. I am legally, financially and morally responsible for this child until the paperwork is filed...and that's not something I was willing to take on. My responsibility was supposed to be done when I delivered him...because we were to have a PBO that protected me and my family.

UGH! I'm so lost right now. I'm so stressed out! I have literally hundreds of emotions running through me and I'm trying to remain optimistic. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what, I have to do what is in the best interest of the baby...and right now that means going and making a grilled cheese sandwich and relaxing on the couch with some comedy that will make me laugh till I almost pee myself.

I'll keep ya'll updated when I know more.

No...Sleep...Till...

2010-07-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, the title of this blog is a reference to the Beastie Boys...Sorry, my age is showing...hehe

Well, I'm officially at the stage in the pregnancy where this little guy is putting me on a schedule. Thankfully (and I kinda feel bad saying this...but) I'll get to sleep after he's born! His mother on the other hand...she'll be up every couple of hours if my sleep patterns are any indication. Last night was really bad. I would sleep for about 30-40 minutes then I'd be up for about 2 hours. I'm hoping to get a nap today. These are the days when I wish we had family closer to watch the kids for me.

I've been nesting lately. I've been trying to get a lot of cleaning done. I'm talking cleaning the baseboards and taking light fixtures off the ceiling to wash them down. It's not your normal sweeping and mopping...it's a serious deep cleaning.

The little guy has been really active yesterday and today. About an hour ago I had my hand on my belly and felt his foot push against it. I know it was a foot cause I could feel his toes. It was surreal. Usually it's just his knees and his butt he hits me with but today he decided to kick me.

I've actually gotten big. I need to take another picture for T and when I do I'll post it here.

Other than sitting and waiting for the final weeks to go by, there isn't much going on here. I just figured I'd update quickly so people didn't think I was ignoring my blog. I've started another one "Adventures in Baby Catching" to document my journey into midwifery. I'm a student midwife now! It's interesting because right now all I'm doing is reading and studying. Soon enough though I'll be able to start helping other women the way my midwife has helped me.

How do I do it?

2010-07-20T02:47:00.001-07:00

I was talking with a friend the other day who asked me how I could give away a child I had carried for nine months and not even show signs of post partum depression (which I had with my two).

I told her I learned a few things about myself having done this once, that I will probably take with me into the final weeks and days of this journey...and into the days after this little guy is born.

First, I am a strong woman. I can do things I never thought were possible. For instance, I can help another woman realize her dream of a complete family and do it with grace and dignity.

Secondly, postpartum depression is exasperated by exhaustion caused by getting up with a newborn every coule of hours. Eliminate the newborn, and you may have only slight depression. Occupy those days and hourse after delivery with affirmations of love from family and friends and what was once a crippling issue is no longer even a blip on the radar. (At least for me...for other women, this may not be the case and for them, I urge them to seek professional help.)

Lastly, I have realized that by spending too much time with the infant after I have deliver would muddy the waters for me. I think this is one of the main reasons why I left the birth center within two hours of delivering Jason. This time around I don't know if it will be the same or not. I can only assume that watching his mother and father cuddle him and beam in his presence will help as it did last time. Now please don't mistake this as me wanting them to take child and leave as soon as he is born. I'm simply saying I won't hold him for too long or spend time in the days after delivery holding him and cuddling him. I've talked with my husband and midwife and said that if at anytime I become overwhelmed I will be excusing myself and going to my bedroom. (I'll probably need a nap too, so that'll help some.)

Speaking of plans after delivery: Since I had issues with bleeding last time, Kenny is planning on having a BBQ after I deliver in order to get some red meat in me. He's going to make steaks (or hamburgers, depending on what I"m hungry for) and potatoes. He figures at the least we'll be feeding the of us, my midwife, and my IPs. (I doubt the kids will be home yet.) It'll be nice being able to sit around and enjoy a meal in my own home with my friends before they leave. I don't know if they'll want to, and that's ok. I imagine they'll tired and want to head back to where they're staying to count fingers and toes and give lots of kisses! (And of course nap while they still can!)

Well, it's almost 5am and I've finished my midnight snack and juice. (Who would have though, just a few months ago, that I'd be eating! I certainly hoped it, but I couldn't imagine it...that would have made me sick!)

I'm heading to bed!

Bleh...

2010-07-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

So on Thursday I started feeling sick. Not nauseous, but sick as in head cold sick. By Friday I had a full blown cold/flu or something. Then my right kidney started hurting. That's when I went to the ER. They said that the kidney pain wasn't because of the cold it was because little Mike had rolled into such a position that he was kneeing my kidney. They said I may have also strained a muscle. I was told to go home and rest for the next few days.

That's when the cold really started kicking my butt! I haven't been that sick in ages! I would run a low fever, then it would break and I'd be sweating up a storm...then I'd start in with a fever again...it was a vicious cycle! On top of that, I couldn't breathe through my nose and I was coughing up a storm. It didn't seem to affect little Mike though! He was still kicking and moving as much as he possibly can!

My midwife says he's growing wonderfully. She suspects I may go late. I don't know, we'll see. Nothing in this pregnancy has been easy, and I fear that labor and birth will be hard too. I've continued to do my pelvic exercises. My body is preparing itself for labor. I'm just hoping that he comes quickly (although not so quickly that no one makes it!)

We'll see. I have 7 more weeks before my due date!

Quick Letter

2010-07-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Little Mike,

I'm pretty sure you're going to be a soccer player...or a boxer...or maybe a MMA (mixed martial artist). Either way, can you please stop kneeing my kidneys, punching my bladder and kicking my ribs? I'm sure it's boring in there, what with it being so dark and you not having a whole lot of stimulation, but come on! I'll make you a deal. You lay off the kidneys and the ribs and I'll give you an extra hour of music a day. Better yet, I'll stop patting your bottom when you start beating the crap out of me.

Deal?

*hugs*
Ms. Jenni

Quick Update

2010-06-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

Well, not much has changed here. I haven't been feeling very well lately. The hyperemesis is starting to come back and that scares the hell out of me! I haven't been full out vomiting, but I have been feeling really nauseous and have dry heaved quite a few times. I've been eating several small meals through out the day and when I feel especially sick, I eat some crackers and have some tea.

I've become a lot more holistic over the past several months. I'd rather take herbs to fix things instead of using medications manufactured in a lab somewhere. I have all sorts of herbs in the house and will be ordering (hopefully within the next week or two) herbs in bulk in order to make salves and tinctures of my own. I have found several very helpful websites that teach how to do it (the basics) and then I have found websites that tell me what herbs do what and how to use them. I'm just really excited!

We went to the beach on Monday and while we were there a couple of the kids got stung by jellyfish. My son got stung pretty bad on his foot and was in near hysterics. I gave him some "Rescue Remedy" which an herbal tincture that helps relax a person. Once he was calm, we were able to see that the sting wasn't that bad at all...he just has a very low pain tolerance. It just re-affirmed that herbs are the way to go for my family.

Well, the kids have been asking to go swimming all day, so I'm going to get my suit on and go out back. I tell you, we've gotten more use out of that pool this year then we have in any other summer.

Update

2010-06-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

So things are trekking right along. I've started eating 5 smaller meals a day rather than three big ones because I can't eat like that anymore. It makes me nauseous. It's like I'm trying to stuff too much food in there and and there isn't enough room for it all. I've lost three pounds in the past week. I've been told though that it's not uncommon to lose weight in the last trimester and it's nothing to worry about so long as the little guy is growing normally. Well, he's growing like a weed! So I'm not worried. I figure if I lose a little weight now, it's less I have to lose after he's born. ;) (Not that I'm going to have much to lose anyway!)

I was thinking last night and I thought of something really interesting when it comes to weight. I was 120 until I had my second child. After I had her, I started putting on weight and stayed around 150. I'd love to get down to 130 as that is a healthy weight for me...but I was never able to lose those last 20 pounds. Well, the way things are going this pregnancy, after I deliver I might be down to 150 right off the bat! That would mean the typical 15 or so pounds I lose after pregnancy cut into that 20 pounds I can never seem to lose! I doubt it would work like that, but I can dream right?

So the pool is a wonderful respite in the middle of the afternoon. It helps take the pressure of my hips and lower back and it cools me down. Plus I love being outside in the sun! It's so nice!

I've been sleeping a lot more lately...when I can actually sleep. Last night I slept almost 12 hours! The night before I slept only about 4 hours. I guess it balances itself out in the end, but I'd prefer to sleep 8 hours each night instead of 3 or 4 then 12...that's just irritating! At least I can still pseudo sleep on my stomach. I'm able to halfway lay on my stomach (partially on my side partially on my stomach) and that's how I sleep.

So that's where we are right now. I have about 10 weeks left in this pregnancy! I can't believe it! Only 10 weeks!

It's the little things

2010-06-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's the little things in life that get you through. For instance, this is my 100th blog entry. Better yet, we're in the third trimester! This pregnancy is nearly over! I don't think I've ever been so happy to be done with a pregnancy. I know it probably sounds bad, but I'm starting to resent this whole situation. I was so sick for so long and I tried so hard to keep it together but the short term and long term effects have taken their toll. I lost weight and am finally gaining and keeping it on. Then yesterday my back tooth chipped. I can't imagine any reason why it would chip other than the acid from constant vomiting ate away at the tooth. I'm hoping to get into the dentist today to see what he can do to fix it. At least it isn't hurting anymore. It is sharp on the one end and cutting into my cheek if I'm not careful.

The last thing that it effected is one that I'm having major issues letting go of and dealing with. I've wanted another child for years, but my husband didn't think we could afford one, etc. (There were a lot of reasons why he didn't think we should have another one.) Well, he thought we were ready and could afford one and all the obstacles were gone for us having another one. We researched a vasectomy reversal and what all that would entail, cost, etc. We figured that some time next year he would have the reversal and in about two years we'd start trying for another little one. That dream is gone now though. I can't carry another child. I'm sure I could carry a child, it's not that I can't physically carry one (at this point) but this pregnancy has taken so much out of me I don't think I can mentally do it. I worry that I probably won't be able to physically do it either. Either way, my husband has decided it's best we don't have another one...so we won't. That is depressing to me. It's made me cry regularly.

I ordered some more herbs. These herbs will keep my body and mind balanced. I also ordered herbs for the kids. I'm so glad to be getting off most of the meds (I'm staying on the Reglan for now...thanks again Dr. Pandya!!!) and to be getting back to more natural remedies.

The best thing through all of this is the fact that little Mike is doing great. None of this seems to have affected him at all. His heartbeat is perfect. When we've laid eyes on him he looks perfect. In fact, he's measuring ahead of schedule. I'm 28 weeks and he's measuring just over 30 weeks! Apparently he's doing just fine! That makes me feel good. No matter how I feel he's not being affected. Drinking protein shakes, Boost, and all the other little tricks I learned to get calories in and vitamins down seem to have helped him...even if they did nothing for me!

My midwifery training has started. I can't wait to really get moving on this new track in my life. Kenny reminded me that I have all the credits I need to start med school and that's still an option if I'm interested. I told him to let me finish with my midwifery training first so I'm at least bringing in some money before I decide about med school. He knows me though. He knows I'm always wanting to learn something new and move forward. I'll never be content to just have a job/career...that I'll always want to try something else. We'll see what the future holds.

88 days!

2010-06-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

I was checking my blog looking for something I posted a while back and just saw that we only have 88 days left! Holy crap! Time flies when you're not barfing!

So we spent all weekend outside in the pool and hiking. It was a lot of fun! It's so nice to finally start getting energy back. Sunday night and part of the day Monday I just in the shade of my patio set and watched the kids play, but it was still great! Dr. Pandya is a saint. He's the one who changed my meds (I'm now on Reglan) and I am feeling so much better!

Well, there really isn't a whole lot to update right now. I'm still waking up around 3am and not falling back asleep until after 730am. I have a feeling this little guy might be born during that time. We'll see!

One year ago

2010-05-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was a different sort of milestone for me. Jason, the first child I gave birth to via surrogacy, turned one. It was crazy for me to think that one year ago I gave birth to a child over nine pounds that was the pride and joy of his parents...and I wasn't one of them. It fills me with a sense of pride to think that I helped another family in such a huge way.

I'll be getting together with G&K and will get to see Jason in the next few weeks. I'm so excited at the prospect of seeing this little man.

On a lighter note, I went to see this new doctor: Dr. Pandya. I think I'm in love with him. He changed my meds. I'm now on Reglan, Unisom/B6 and of course my prenatal vitamins...and I'm keeping food down every time I eat now! I'm so excited! I just can't believe that this medication has been out there and I didn't know about it. I'm starting to feel so much better! Dr. Pandya told me that I can start doing yoga or low impact exercises here soon. Working out always makes me feel better. I know some people have said I shouldn't work out because it'll make me lose weight...that's not why I do it. I exercise because it lifts my moods and increases my appetite. I just feel better overall if I work out...so I'm looking forward to being able to do yoga again.

In the meantime, I have friends helping with Reiki attunements and other wholistic means of getting my mind and body back on track helping me out. I've been working on my hypnosis for the birth and am looking forward to the last trimester. Hopefully it will go by smoothly and I'll be comfortable. Kenny has been working to get the pool in tip top shape so I can start swimming this week. It'll be nice for when the summer months get really hot...and I'm huge and uncomfortable!

Well, I need to get some housework done. It's amazing the amount of dust that piles up when you're spending most of your life hugging the commode!

Milestone!

2010-05-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

I noticed today that we've hit a milestone! We're down to double digits! According to the little ticker over there <---- I have 99 days left in this pregnancy!

I tell you what. This pregnancy has been hell on me. I don't think I've put on here yet just how bad the hyperemesis is. I haven't wanted to worry a couple of the people who read my blog. Well, it's time I come completely clean. It's time that everyone knows just how bad it is, and what I'm sacrificing.

On an average day, I vomit between 12 and 30 times. I have gotten sick more than that. On the days when I don't get sick I still feel sick. Most days I can keep down water and other fluids. Some days I can keep down solids. Today I'm struggling to keep down liquids. I've had some onion soup broth and some orange juice. I feel so sick! I'm trying so hard not to vomit...but I fear I'm going to lose the fight.

Some days I have trouble standing without getting dehydrated. Other days I do just fine. I'm always tired though. My body aches. I just don't have the strength to keep pushing forward. I'm getting sick and tired of people asking if I'm ok, "how's the barfing", "what's wrong"...seriously people, my life is consumed with trying to keep food down and keep everything on track...I don't need to be reminded of it all. Yesterday I picked up my son from school and (after having slept most of the day away) had enough strength to run to the grocery store. We needed just a couple of things for dinner. Someone I know (an acquaintance) looked at me and says "You like shit. What's wrong with you?" I lost it. I started crying. Then I got mad. I told her that I answer that question every time she sees me. The most recent time being Saturday. I told her that I hadn't kept food down in days and was living off of protein shakes in the hopes that this little one would grow strong...and that I would just survive. I told her I was tired of having do it all alone because no one else actually helped. Well, then asked what I needed. I told her I needed someone to help clean the house, and take the kids to and from school. She tells me that she can't. I started laughing. I told her this was the same thing everyone else said. "What do you need?" I tell them. "Oh, I can't do that." And then I want to ask "Well why the fuck did you ask if you weren't actually going to help me!?!?"

I have a doctor's appointment on Saturday with an OB that is going to give me better solutions for this situation I've gotten myself into. (Yes, I say I got myself into this. I chose to do another surrogacy. I chose to put myself at risk, thinking like so many women do, that pregnancy isn't anything serious. Most of the time it's not.) I've been told the chances are very high that he's going to put a PICC line in and give me a Zofran pump which will give me a continuous dose of Zofran. I'll also be taught how to keep fluids going so I'm not dehydrated. Hopefully this will at least keep me going until the end of the pregnancy.

For those who don't know, a PICC line is (basically put) a long term IV that is placed in a large vein. It'll stay in for the duration of the pregnancy. My biggest fear is that by going to the OB and having myself taken care of, I won't get the birth I want. That I'll be forced to deliver in a hospital. At this point, I don't care though. I need help...physically, mentally, emotionally. I just need some relief.

I hold on to the hope though that we're under 100 days and we've only got double digits left...well, that and the fact that as I write this little Michael has horrible hiccups and is also punching my bladder. He's a strong little bugger!

An interesting article

2010-05-19T06:20:00.000-07:00

I found this article today and thought I would share.

I took a zofran before bed last night along with my Unisom/B6. Then, as soon as I got up this morning, before even getting out of bed, I took a Zofran. I ate some oatmeal and have drunk some milk. Here's to hoping!

I had been doing so well that now that I've had a bad day I feel as though it's never going to end. I have a local doctor's number though, and I'm going to give him a call. Hopefully he'll be able to help me. Otherwise, I'm stuck drinking my dinners from here to delivery. At least I'm keeping liquids down! (There's my silver lining!)

I need to go rest. I'm so tired today~

Sleep? We don't need no stinking sleep!

2010-05-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

Well, this little man has already started with his schedule...and it's one I'm fairly familiar with. It also has me a bit nervous!

I wake every morning around 3:30am and can't get back to sleep until (usually) around 730am. That would mean I should be getting tired right...about...now...

Nope, nothing. Oh well! It was worth a shot right? Yeah, well, there are days like today when I'm tired, but I'm not tired enough to sleep. This little guy has decided that today we're going to be up a bit later! (Yeah me!) At least hubby's been home to help me out with the kids. He's been taking them to school in the morning so I can rest if I need to. He goes back to work tomorrow though, which means that Wednesday is all me! Let's hope I can hold out long enough to get the kids school!

So, the reason this has me nervous? Well, Jason, my first surro-journey, was the same way. I went into labor at 3am with him. Yep, so we may be looking at an early morning birth here as well. At least if he makes his appearance by 7, as Jason did (actually Jason was born just after 7am) then hubby will be home in order to take the kids school by 730!

Speaking of the first surro-bub: I got an email this weekend from his mom saying they'd like to come visit me! His first birthday is a week from tomorrow. I can't even believe it! I'm sure he's so big by now! I'm going to email her today and set something up.

Well, I'm actually starting to get tired now, believe it or not. I'm going to go and try to sleep!

Shh...don't tell anyone...

2010-05-10T12:13:00.001-07:00

I have a confession. It's been 2 1/2 days since I last got sick. And before that it was a whole 2 days. Don't tell anyone, but I think the worst is slowly coming to an end! (And if anyone happens to bump into me, please for love of all that is holy, don't tell the little guy!) In addition to not getting sick multiple times a day, I'm also putting on weight! Finally! I weighed in this morning and I'm holding steady at at 170! I was 167.5 at the beginning of the week. It could be a combination of not being dehydrated and eating regularly...but I figure since Michael (his new name) is kicking harder, he's probably putting on some weight too.

Let's see, what else is going on here. Oh! I graduate today! *bows* Thank you! Thank you! I actually just walk today and I receive my diploma this summer when I finish my last two classes. I've actually been trying to decide whether or not to complete those two classes. You see, I've decided on a career change. I'm going to be a midwife. I was so impacted by these wonderful women who came into my life and helped me when I was at my most vulnerable that I want to be like them. I want to help other women through this journey in their lives.

I'm so excited about this change. I took my CPR course this weekend and passed I finished filling out the application today and will mail it in this afternoon. I have a list of books to read, and as soon as they get my application I'll have more study materials, etc. Then I just start reading and studying. My beautiful (inside and out) midwife, Sam, is a preceptor and I'm hoping that she will accept me as a student midwife. My first module starts in October, so that gives me several months to read up and prepare for this new path I've set out on. It's also about a month after I'm due, so I'll have time to heal before I get started on the module!

I'm just really happy and at peace right now. What more could I want? (Well, I guess I could ask that the hyperemesis officially be over and not leaving me guessing...but I'm content just knowing that for now, I'm eating and healthy!)

Is it worth it?

2010-04-30T19:49:00.000-07:00

I read a blog post today that made me stop and think. There is a man who is giving away $10 everyday to a random person and blogging about it. I've been reading his blog for a while now. This particular post is about how much you are willing to sacrifice for a total stranger. It asks if you are willing to sacrifice your body for them.

It made me think about surrogacy. Surrogates sacrifice their bodies for a year (longer in some cases) and in most cases it's for a stranger they only met within the year. Surrogates give themselves shots daily in the beginning, and end the journey with labor and birth. Most births aren't horrible, but you still end with pain that you will have for at least a week or two afterward.

"But most surrogates are compensated, so that makes it worth it right?"

I ask you this. Have you ever met someone and decided to help them achieve their dream? In the attempt to achieve that dream, have you sacrificed a part of yourself and done so with very little expected in return? Sure, most of get compensated...that doesn't mean it's easy. We'd make more money working part time at McDonald's...and it would be less sacrifice.

This journey has been full of sacrifices for me. I have spent most days sick beyond belief. I vomit several times a day. I spend more time in the bathroom then I do anywhere else in my house. I try to hide how sick I really am. I still go to school and keep my grades up. I still take care of the kids. I smile and act like everything is great.

It isn't.

My body started aching several weeks ago. I figure that's because of lack of sleep. (I used to sleep on the floor in the bathroom.) I get lightheaded and dizzy on occasion. I carry water with me everywhere I go in an attempt to stay hydrated. My throat hurts. Those are just the physical symptoms.

I've been exhausted for weeks. I'm dealing with depression. (Although not all the time, because I still try to remain positive, but come on, when you spend at least 2 hours out of 15 waking hours in the bathroom...and occasionally sleep in there...you get the point where you just can't keep smiling.) I've gotten to the point where when I get sick, even just dry heaving, I cry...and then when the hysterical crying is done, I get sick again and kind of zone out because I just can't cry anymore. There are days when I swear this child hates me. I know he doesn't, because he's a precious innocent child incapable of hate...but I wonder sometimes.

Hubby was teasing me tonight. He asked if I came to a truce with the little bean. I was eating Taco Bell with fire sauce. He wondered if I had told him that if he didn't stop making me sick this morning that I was going to eat something really spicy. I told him yes...and the little guy broke his end of the bargain, so I was going to enjoy every bite of that burrito and taco supreme. The little guy got his revenge though...I got rid of most of the dinner within an hour. *shrugs* There is always tomorrow.

But it brings me to my point. Is all of this vomiting and exhaustion and stress on my body worth it? I've thought about it a lot over the past few weeks and I've come to this conclusion: HELL YES IT IS.

I know that within a few months, T and M will hold this little guy (probably while I'm still high on the endorphins!) and I'll get to see that amazing, unconditional joy and love that can only come from a parent the first time they hold their beautiful innocent little one. In those moments, all of this will fade away and it will be worth it.

So tonight, when I'm laying in bed, hoping I don't have to get up again to puke, I'll remember that one moment that I will get to experience and remind myself that it is so worth it.

Hold out hope!

2010-04-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

Well, we had an ultrasound this week. Finally laying eyes on the little guy made everyone happy. He's growing wonderfully! He was about 15ozs. and everything looked perfect. The lady said I was measuring a little small but that was probably because I've been so sick.

Speaking of being sick...I finally pushed the nausea aside last night and fell asleep around 1am...only to be woke up at 230am feeling so far beyond sick there was no hope of coming back. It was about 645am when the combination of constant vomiting (and then when nothing was left dry heaving) and just over an hour of sleep finally caused me to pass out.

I had gained a little bit of weight. I was up to 167.5 the end of last week!! But now I'm back down to 166.5. :( I just keep reminding myself that he's growing right as he's supposed to and if I can feel him moving regularly then he's keeping what he needs from me.

Sadly, it gets to the point when you spend so much time in the bathroom bent over a toilet that you can't stand it any longer. The constant sickness slowly starts to erode your soul and no matter how hard you try to keep a positive outlook you're going to have moments when all you can do is cry. I apologize to all who read my pity party. That was one of those moments when I just didn't think I could take it any longer. I wanted to scream, or cry...in reality I did both. I've been very guarded about what exercises I do cause I don't want to lose weight, but I made an exception last week. I did kickboxing. I screamed and I cried and I beat the crap out of my heavy bag. It helped some. Last night made me want to cry again...but I'm holding onto the hope that someday soon I'll stop getting sick and be able to enjoy the pregnancy.

Till then...I guess I'll just keep writing my feelings out here so I don't lose all of me in the swirling vortex that is the toilet.

So much for sleeping...

2010-04-16T05:09:00.000-07:00

I haven't slept well in over a week. Welcome to pregnancy right? This little guy has put himself (and me) on a schedule. He's up and moving at 1030pm, 1230am, 330am, and then again at 530am. This usually forces me awake to use the bathroom and occasionally to eat. Sadly, even though I eat in the middle of the night, I'm not putting on much weight.

I have an ultrasound on Tuesday. We'll find out how this little guy is growing and make sure he's doing ok. I'm sure his parents will be happy to finally lay eyes on him.

That's about it for now. I'm still feeling frustrated and a bit down, but I'm sure once I get some uninterrupted sleep I'll be fine...so around September, lol!

Pity Party

2010-04-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

I apologize now for the pity party post...I'm feeling a bit frustrated and I need to let it out.

Ok, so you may or may not know that I'm a biker. I am now the proud owner of a 2008 Harley Nightster. I bought it about two weeks ago. I've never ridden it because...well, I'm pregnant and can't ride. I sold my old motorcycle about two years ago so I could get pregnant for G and K...and here I am still not able to ride cause I'm pregnant for T and M.

As if that weren't depressing enough I find out that my favorite artist is once again coming into town and I can't go see her. Why? Because I'm pregnant! To add insult to injury I found out I can get seats center stage, 29th row...but I can't go. A "friend" of mine (and I put that in quotes because we only seem to be friends when she wants something) got to go to the Country Music Awards because of an essay her daughter wrote about her. She got to go as a guest of Alan Jackson's. Well, as she was backstage, she met Reba, my favorite artist, and had her picture taken with her. Now whenever she talks to me she brags about she got to meet her and how wonderful she is...wow, thanks for adding insult injury.

I just feel like crying right now. I've done so much for other people and sometimes I wonder why I've given up some of my loves in life so that others can have what they want.

sigh

2010-04-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

So I've been resting in bed for the past couple of days. I was sick Sunday night (will it ever end!?!?!) and then yesterday I was...intimate with my husband and my chest started hurting. Come to find out I may have pulled a muscle, or stretched the ligaments that attach the ribs to the sternum. And then there's the back pain. I've started wearing the pregnancy belt in order to pull some of the weight off my lower back. My hips are already widening. I've talked to friends who have had pregnancies really close to each other and they all said that things started happening sooner. Because of that, very few of my pants fit. It's frustrating!

To top it all off, I've been super cranky today. Hubby's been trying to cheer me up. I'm just getting irritated though. I've been so sick for so long that when I have days when I'm doing well I want to get things done. I called today to get the ultrasound set up to make sure this little guy is growing properly...and that was about all I could do. I sent some emails. I had hoped to get things for this summer scheduled, but I still don't have any information about the PBO. Last time we had to go to court and I expect that this time...so I can't plan a whole lot until I know what's going on there.

T and M decided to change baby boy's name. He's no longer Joseph Alexander. Who knows what his name will be. We'll find out soon enough.

I had figured I'd have a tape of this little guy's parents to play for him, but we don't have that yet. In the meantime I've been reading and talking to him. I decided today though that I can't do that anymore. I mean, I'm still going to talk to him, but that's it. I've found myself being even more protective of him then I was with Jason (my first surrobub) and I want to make sure that I'm not getting attached. I do, however, worry that he's not going to hear his mom's voice but once before he's born and that is going to cause him stress when he's born. (Meaning that suddenly not hearing my voice anymore and only hearing his parents' voices is going to cause undue stress on him.) I've been told though that infants are extremely adaptable and that he'll be fine. I hold on to that hope.

Well, hubby's heading off to school and I have to make dinner, otherwise this would be much longer! *hugs* Go M.A.D!

Halfway there!

2010-04-09T16:25:00.001-07:00

I'm 20 weeks today! Woohoo! We're halfway there! I'm so excited that we've made it to this point. This is a huge milestone! T and M are thrilled I'm sure. I'm so glad I get to be a part of this. T and M went through so much to just get to a transfer...and now here we are this guy growing strong and healthy. I can't wait to see the look on T's face when she sees her son for the first time. Or the first time M gets to hold his son. It's going to be so awesome!

So I'm watching 20/20 and there is a story about a woman who gave birth and didn't even know she was pregnant. Not only did the poor woman not know she was pregnant, but her husband had a vasectomy and they thought they were covered. I assume that something happened and the vas defrens grew back together and that's how she got pregnant...but the poor family. I can't imagine suddenly giving birth and not having a single thing for the little one.

There was one comment that irked me. One of the paramedics said that when a woman gives birth at home the outcome is never good. I beg to differ. I hope he meant that when a woman gives birth at home unassisted, without a trained professional, that the outcome isn't good...because I'm planning a home birth and have the utmost confidence that everything will go smoothly and that both the baby and I will be fine. Then again, I have the best midwife in the world (ok, I'm a bit biased). Either way, I'm not worried at all about me or this little guy. I'm more worried about M passing out if he happens to walk in. (He's uber-squeamish. God love him.)

The half pound dilemma and other weighty issues

2010-04-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

So I have a dilemma (if I weren't pregnant I would writing "God has blessed me with a miracle!"): I'm losing a half pound or so every day. I lost another half pound from yesterday to this morning. This morning, in an attempt to combat this issue, I went to Jamba Juice and got oatmeal with bananas and brown sugar. I also got the largest size of their Berry Protein Workout shake. It has whey (or soy) protein and then an added boost. I got my vitamins. I'm not sure how many calories I consumed this morning, but hopefully it'll be enough to maintain my weight. I'm not sure what I'm doing for lunch or dinner yet, but I'm hoping to keep the calorie count for the day around 2000. I've been eating around 1600 calories a day...apparently it's not enough.

I've made some major decisions in my life recently. It's amazing how you think you're on one course and suddenly something happens to change it all. Mine was a series of somethings. I decided to become a surro for so many reasons. Some I've mentioned here, some I haven't. My major thing is that I want to help people. That's part of the reason I wanted to become a lawyer. I figured I could do family law and help families through hard times, help with adoptions and even surrogacy. The more I've talked to my Criminal Justice professor (who went to law school) I don't think I'd be able to help the way I want to. There is one other thing I've been researching and looking into for over a year now...midwifery.

Ever since my last birth I knew this was one way I could truly help families, and specifically women. My husband and I talked about it and we've decided that we could do this. I'm so excited! The only real issue there was going to be was whether we wanted to cut back our lifestyle in order to deal with the cut in income. Once hubby ran the numbers we figured we would actually come out ahead because we won't have astronomical student loans to pay back. We've also talked about if I decide years down the road that I do want to go back and go to law school, I can.

So, I go get my CPR certifications renewed this month and then I'll submit my application for the midwifery program through the Association of Texas Midwives. The first class is in October. It's two days right here in San Antonio. I'm so excited!

What's kickin'?

2010-03-31T08:22:00.000-07:00

So I was laying in bed last night and I had my arm over my belly. The baby was wiggling and such and all of a sudden he kicked...and I felt it on my arm! I moved my hand over where his feet are and waited. He kicked my hand again!

This morning on the shuttle to school I saw a friend of mine. We were talking and the little guy started kicking. I asked my friend if she would do me a favor. She put her hand on my belly and within a few seconds he kicked her. She smiled and told me that was awesome...so now I know it isn't just my imagination. He actually is kicking hard enough to feel.

I'm sitting outside of class in the hallway right now waiting for my professor to get here and start class (I have another 30 minutes). He's moving a bit right now. I suspect he'll settle down here soon. He's usually fairly quiet during the day. Or at least I haven't noticed him during the day. We'll see if today is different.

I'm selfish...

2010-03-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

I must confess. I've been a bit selfish lately. I've been sleeping when I'm tired, and eating when I'm hungry. And I don't offer my snacks to anyone else, or care if anyone else is tired. I look at like this though: I'm creating a whole human being out of just a few cells. What are they doing? Homework? Oh yeah, I do that too. I'm in school full time. I know what it's like to have tests and homework. On top of that, I do housework...and just helped finish remodel our house. All while creating a human being out of a few cells that were put into me in December.

Ok, I'm not doing it all alone. I've got the grace of God keeping this little guy safe in me and reminding my body what all it needs to do. But come on, I'm the one who is exhausted, starving and thirsty all the time. (Yep, thankfully it looks like the days of hyperemesis are behind me! *knocks on wood*) I'm eating regularly and drinking almost a gallon of water a day. I'm dealing with the little guy putting his head, butt, feet, fists or whatever else into my stomach while I'm eating. I'm the one who gets up in the middle of the night to pee.

I think I have the right to be a little selfish...at least for today.

Bladder Bouncy House

2010-03-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

Apparently the bladder bouncy house is all the rave in prenatal fun these days. Step 1: Locate Bladder. Step 2: Kick it and bounce on it until the woman who owns the bladder empties it. Step 3: Wait til it fills again. Repeat steps 1-3.

Yep, that's how I wake most mornings now. This little guy is either having fun on my bladder, or pissed cause it's taking up his limited space. Either way, he kicks it until I empty it.

I officially outgrew all my clothes this weekend. I'm going to have to go buy a few extra maternity pants today. I have three pairs of jeans and some dresses that fit. I have tons of shirts. I only have one pair of shorts. I don't know if they fit because I haven't tried them on yet. The majority of this pregnancy is going to be in the summer. Well, the majority of being big. I'm also going to need to buy a bathing suit. It'll be the first time ever needing a bathing suit during pregnancy. I'm also going to need some extra sun tan lotion. My belly is going to need to be fully covered.

I officially popped this weekend. I took some pictures. T has seen them, so I can post them now. As you can see, at just over 17 weeks (17w2d) I'm showing. I'm all baby though and I haven't put on much weight. Poor T's diet plan of losing as many pounds as I put on has kind of petered out.

As I write this, Jay is pushing his head against my left side. I think he's trying to find more room. Unlike all my other pregnancies, he doesn't kick and jab at me. He's very slow and methodical about his movements. It's almost like he doesn't want to waste his energy right now. I've been dreaming about his birth already. That makes me nervous. I didn't dream about any of my other births until I was mush further along. I hope that doesn't mean anything. It probably just means that I'm excited to see the look on T and M's face when he arrives. We'll see.

And I was doing so well...

2010-03-20T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday set me back several days. It was a bad stressful day and because of the stress, I got sick. I mean I lost everything I had eaten in several days.

I woke up and was feeling queasy to begin with but I ate and that kind of subsided. The kids helped me clean the livingroom and I let our two dogs out back into our fenced yard. I finished cleaning and sat on the couch to put my feet up. The German Shepherd scratched on the door to be let in, so I let her in. My Chihuahua (a tiny teacup that I've had for about two and half years now) wanted to stay outside. Ok, no worries. She'll often stay outside when Sasha, the German Shepherd, comes in because she's able to do what she wants without the puppy wanting to play. Sasha is only a couple of months old...so she's still a puppy.

The kids went out to play about two hours later. When they came in they brought Sasha with them. I asked them to bring Patches. They said she wasn't out there. I stopped and asked them what they meant. She had been out there earlier. That's when it all began. We went looking for her. The only way she could have gotten out of the backyard was to go into one of the neighbors' yards. Who knows from there. I went our neighbors that moved in the day before we did and they hadn't seen her. We knocked on the other neighbor's door and no one answered. I prayed that she hadn't gotten in their backyard. They have two pit bulls and she's so tiny they would have torn her to shreds in a matter of moments. She barely barks, and they bark all day so I wouldn't have heard anything different. We drove around the neighborhood, but we never found her.

I came home and promptly got sick. I know that stress is a trigger for vomiting. I wish I could relieve all stress, but sometimes it just happens. That's life. We're going to put up signs around the neighborhood today. She's not wearing her collar because I was going to give her a bath so I took it off. That was stupid. I just wish I knew where she was. At this point I'd be happy knowing that someone found her and is taking care of her. I'm just worried that the neighbor's dogs chewed her to shred. Plus, last night it stormed horribly here. She's out there somewhere, all one and a half pounds of her, alone and without help or someone to take care of her. My poor baby.

Speaking of babies. This little guy is doing well. I've gained half a pound. I'm still dehydrated no matter what I drink. I carry water or Gatorade with me every where I go. This little guy wiggles around and gets the hiccups regularly so he seems to be doing ok...even if I can't keep food down.

Well, I need to go put up lost signs. Hopefully some one calls me this afternoon.

Quick Update

2010-03-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

So nothing new has happened really. We're 99% finished with the home renovations. The new furniture is in, the projector and surround sound are installed and the house is almost put back together. I have been working to refinish my new dining room table. A friend of ours gave us a solid oak table. We bought new chairs for it and they were a dark wood. So I sanded down the entire table and re-stained it. I just have to put the clear coat on it and it will be done. The problem is it's been raining and I have to do it outside. So it'll be a day or two before I can finish it.

The baby seems to be doing great. I think he wiggled closer to my back because I hadn't felt him move in several days. This morning though I felt him kicking some. At least he's snuggled in and comfy. His mom and sister went to Disney last week. T is looking forward to taking him someday. I'm sure she'll have tons of fun with him there!

With spring break this week I'm hoping to take the kids out to the zoo or something. The morning sickness has let up a little. I've still been dry heaving a lot. I don't get sick quite as often though. It's been almost a week since I brought anything up, so I guess that's good. I'll have another appointment with Sam, my midwife in about two and a half weeks I believe it is. I need to check my calendar to be sure.

That's about it though. Nothing really new going on. I'll have to get a picture of the little baby bump posted soon. He's a little guy so far. Maybe if I'm lucky, this one won't be over 9 pounds! Even if he is though, his mom and dad will adore every inch of his chubby little body and I'll proudly give birth to him. (I don't know if I'll be as proud of the aftermath of a kid that big though...but that's another story, lol!)

I don't have gas!

2010-03-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

You know when you have gas and you feel that little flutter in stomach...and then you fart? (Yes, that's not very lady-like...then again when have I ever been lady-like?) Or how about when you're hungry and you feel that rumbling.

Well, I'm not hungry, and I don't have gas! The baby has officially made himself known! Friday I had an appointment with Sam, my totally awesome midwife. She showed me where the baby was and let me hear the heartbeat. I called T and she got to hear her son. I then called back and left a message on their answering machine so M could listen to his son. (And so T could hear him whenever she wanted.)

I am officially showing. If you see me wearing a regular tank top, I have a little baby bump. I'm all baby. You know those women (who I think are few and far between) that have that baby bump that's round and little and is all baby. You know the ones. They complain about how they're so big, and they look like you did when you were two months pregnant...and they're eight months along. Yeah, the girl you'd like to throttle because she looks so tiny pregnant. Well, I'M ONE OF THEM! Ok, the rest of me isn't tiny, but I have that little baby bump. I'm over 15 weeks and just started showing some. Usually I'm four weeks and showing.

The hyperemesis isn't too bad anymore. I have moments where I feel queasy, but *knocks on wood* I haven't vomited in six days! I did dry heave a few times in the past several days, but I haven't brought anything up. I'm also starting to put on some weight. I'm up to 165.5...I had been a little heavier, but I lost a few pounds. It's ok though, because I can feel him in there wiggling and his heart rate was perfect, so he's ok. I may actually end this pregnancy lighter then when I started. That would be too weird.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. I'll be posting more often now. We're done with the home remodel, and midterms are nearly over. Next week is Spring Break for me and the kids. We don't have any plans, just to enjoy the house.

Go M.A.D!

Chaos, Drama and a Nap...

2010-03-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a little bit since I posted. I apologize for that. Life has gotten crazy!

We're remodeling the house and this week the carpet gets torn up in preparation for the hardwood floors. We're also getting rid of the couches, a desk, and two chairs to make room for the new furniture. The house is in chaos!

It's midterm week, and I've been super busy. I had my first midterm today and I think I did fairly well. I have four term papers due this week as well. One of them is completely written and done. *phew* The other three have been researched and most of the work is done. I just need to get them written and out on paper. Hopefully that won't take too long.

And lastly, my ex-husband took me to court and today was the date of the hearing. He wants to have child support terminated. My husband is adopting her, so it's really not that big of deal it's just the way he did it. I swear there are times he likes to stir up drama just to irritate me.

I came home today after school and was so tired. This little one is making me so tired. It could also have something to do with the fact that I haven't been eating much. At least I'm keeping down what I do eat. Now that I think about it, I'm eating more than I think I am. I snack fairly regularly. Oh well...at least I'm not puking every 10 minutes!

Second Trimester...

2010-02-17T16:58:00.000-08:00

Friday begins the second trimester. I'm so excited! I'm hoping that with the second trimester comes a wave of...well, anti-nausea. I'd be thrilled if I woke up Friday morning and the sun was shining and birds were singing and I didn't have the overwhelming urge to puke.

Hey, I can dream can't I?

Actually, I've been doing pretty well. The nausea is only around in the evenings right now. Which means I can eat all day long and then around 9pm I start getting sick. By 11pm it's gone. It sucks cause it cuts into my sleep, but hey, I have to make some sacrifices right?

I had a nice chat with T today. I feel like such a horrible surro because this time around I have been so busy trying to keep my head above water that I haven't stopped and given her as many updates as I should. She's so cool about it though...and that makes me feel even worse.

But yeah, we had a nice chat today. I emailed her while on the bus heading to school. She emailed me at the exact same time. Then she called. So I talked to her while waiting for class to start. It was really nice!

(Oh, just as an aside...if you're sitting in the hallway, surrounded by 19 year old kids, don't talk about how you seriously didn't think things would back to normal after giving birth to a 9+ pound baby. The looks you get are hilarious. Actually, go ahead and do it. Maybe they'll think twice before having unprotected sex again, plus you get a chuckle from it.)

So after all is said and done, I've gained 3 pounds this pregnancy. I'm holding steady right there. I haven't felt the little guy move. I thought I did...but then I farted. I'm sure I will within the next few weeks though!

New Personal Record!

2010-02-11T08:56:00.001-08:00

w00t! I managed to make it 12 hours without vomiting! Sure, nine of those 12 I was sleeping but that doesn't matter, I've woken up to vomit before. I'm just so excited. I woke up this morning and ate...but I got sick within 10 minutes. I ate again about 30 minutes later because my stomach was growling and I've managed to keep that down for an hour and a half now.

A week from tomorrow I'm officially in the second trimester. I worry so much about this little guy. Kenny keeps telling me that he's taking what he needs from me and not to worry, but I do. It's my job to make sure he's ok and safe for the next 30 weeks. (Wow, 30 weeks sounds like such a short time! I'm sure T thinks it sounds like an eternity though.)

I've been dehydrated so I've been trying to keep as much fluids in me as much as possible. Yesterday I kind of zoned out behind the wheel of the van as I was pulling in the driveway. I steered wide and ended up on the curb. Kenny hasn't let me drive since and I haven't wanted to. It was a wake up call for me though. I emailed and called all my professors. They've all agreed to give me extensions for this week's work. I've been sleeping most of the past two days and eating as much as I can keep down whenever I can eat. I've been drinking as much as possible too. I ordered a tincture called Stress Relief for Pregnancy and I'll be taking that when I need it. I'm also going to continue resting whenever I can.

Beyond that, I'm doing well. I'm going to go rest some more. Hopefully I'll feel like eating again soon. I hope so.

A crazy week

2010-02-07T09:14:00.001-08:00

It's been a kind of crazy week. I've been on bed rest...or at least trying to rest and take it easy. I haven't had anymore bleeding so that's good. The past two days I've had horrible morning sickness and haven't kept anything down.

I had kind of a meltdown last night. I threw a fit after vomiting for almost ten minutes straight. I asked my husband if he had any idea what it was like to vomit at least once a day, every day for over two months straight. He said he didn't. I tried to explain to him how daunting it can feel sometimes. How hard it is to know that you're carry this little life inside you that needs you, and you can't give him the very thing he needs most right now...food. I know he's safe and still in there though because I'm still vomiting this morning.

Oh well...beyond that I'm doing well. I have three tests to take for school today. I have to log on to the websites and get those done soon. We're also starting the remodel of our livingroom today. We're taking the baseboards off and we're going to paint. In two weeks we're pulling up the carpets and laying hardwood floors. Kenny laughs at me when I say we because what I really mean is him and a friend. I'll be wearing a mask trying not to go crazy.

Bleeding and Bed Rest

2010-01-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

It's been a crazy 24 hours.

Yesterday afternoon I went into the restroom and (sparing all the details) found out I was bleeding. After wiping 6 times, there was no more blood. I called my RE because I hadn't received any notification from them that I had been released from their care yet. The nurse coordinator (aka Tittie) told me that I was no longer under their care, that I had been released weeks ago and that I should have seen my OB already. I told her I hadn't received anything saying they had released me, and asked what I should do. She told me to call my OB and that she would call the Dr and ask why I hadn't been released yet. I called my midwife and left a message. Then I called T. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore T? Well, I do. She told me to relax and that everything was going to be fine. Here she was worrying about her child...and me. She was calmer than I was. (At least she sounded that way!) She, just as I was, took comfort in the fact that I wasn't in any pain.

In the meantime, I decided to rest in bed and just take it easy. I wasn't cramping or in any pain, so I figured it can't be that bad right. Another six or so hours later, when I went to the bathroom, there was a bit of normal discharge, but it was streaked with blood. I was nervous, but decided to lay down and sleep.

This morning I woke, and wasn't bleeding, so I went to breakfast with my family. We then took the kids bowling. I sat and watched them bowl. While there, I went to the bathroom and there was some blood. I told my husband that I wasn't going to wait any longer and I was going to the hospital. He did the same thing he did yesterday and held my hand and told me to relax. I was a wreck.

I got to the hospital and they took me back and got my vitals. They started an IV. The nurse told me that if I was having a miscarriage they would have to give me meds. I said ok. I tried really hard not to cry. The nurse wasn't even done and the doctor was already in asking questions. Within about 15 minutes the doctor came back in with a portable ultrasound machine. He put the gel on my stomach. (On a side note: that stuff is cold!!!) He put the probe on my stomach and began looking around. I couldn't read his face. I started to get nervous with his minor adjustments and not saying anything, so I closed my eyes. I realized I was crying. This is where my doctor freaked me out without meaning to. The doctor says "Ut Oh!" I opened my eyes and he looked at me. I said "What?!" I just knew that something was wrong. He tells me "Well, he was moving around so much and I finally got him to hold still and started timing his heartbeat...and you started crying and I lost him again."

I smiled at him. I knew at that point, that at least Jay was moving and he had a heartbeat. I could relax some after that! So the good news: Jay's heartbeat was 166. He looks great. The doctor says he's doing great. He then said the bleeding could be caused by any number of things. I just stopped the meds two days ago, so it's possible that my body is getting rid of some unneeded lining. It's also possible, because my cervix is slightly swollen that that is what is causing the bleeding.

The doctor sent me home and put my on bed rest for the next 24 hours. I'm also on pelvic rest for the next three weeks. (That means nothing is allowed in my vagina.) I'm supposed to do everything possible to reduce my stress. I was also told that if I start bleeding heavily, or cramping, or a myriad of other things that I'm to go back immediately. The doctor said that I'm doing well though and so long as I relax, I should be ok.

Kenny's been taking really good care of me. He's been helping me over the past couple of days with whatever I need. I've emailed my professors and asked for extensions, and some leeway on assignments. I'm hoping they'll be understanding.

Beyond that I'm doing ok. I have a migraine that just won't quit. I think it's because I've been clenching my jaw. So long as I stop that I'll be ok.

Happier Post

2010-01-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

Today has been a pretty good day so far! And by good day I mean I kept breakfast and lunch down! I may even eat a snack soon. Imagine that, me eating a snack and not getting sick. It's a novel idea, I know.

Ok, enough with the sarcasm! I'm sorry I'm just excited that I'm not feeling too nauseous today. I'm even more excited that I haven't vomited. When you've felt as sick as I have for as long as I have it's the little victories that make a world of difference!

I think I told you that T, my IM, has decided that for every pound I gain during this pregnancy, she's going to lose a pound. Well, she said the holidays have been horrible to her and M, my IF. She was baking all holiday season and they put on a little weight. I wanted to tell her it was ok because I had lost weight, so maybe we balanced each other out, lol!

T is too precious though! I love the fact that she keeps me so informed of all the preparations she's made for the baby already. She bought a swing the other day. She said it was to get the dog used to the sound so he didn't bark at it, but I think it's so she has something to remind her that her little man will be here in just 30 short weeks. (Give or take...if I go overdue again!)

Which reminds me: We're exactly 10 weeks today! I officially stop all meds today! No more suppositories! I'm not quite as happy as when I stopped the shots (even though I was nervous) but I am very happy to be done with all meds. I need to call my midwife in the next week or so and get an appointment set up. The RE is going to release me from his care within the next couple of days so I want to get Sam ready to see me. She's been such a supporter of mine since I told her I was doing another surrogacy.

Bad Surrogacy Story Revisited

2010-01-29T04:29:00.000-08:00

I made the mistake of watching the Dr. Phil show yesterday. I haven't watched Dr. Phil in years (literally), but I saw the advertisement for the story of Amy and Scott and their "surro" Lashell.

While I was impressed with Dr. Phil's stance (he seems to want Lashell to give the babies back) I was really irritated with both sides. They acted like children. Lashell constantly rolling her eyes, and then the double talk from her. "I kept the babies because Amy said she had a mental disorder." Then saying that she kept the babies because she was lied to. Then Amy and Scott making comments like whenever you're done ruining the children's lives we'll take them back and fix it...or the comment about people at Lashell's church hating her. Totally uncalled for.

First of all, from everything that was said, this wasn't a surrogacy. Surrogacies do not start off like this. They have contracts. There are very specific things that need to be done, and lawyers are involved!

The couple, Amy and Scott used donor eggs and donor sperm and paid for a third party to carry them. You would think that would be a surrogacy right? No! A gestational surrogate doesn't put their name on the birth certificate, ever, for any reason. Once you do that, you muddy things. You get a PBO...a pre-birth order. The problem is in Michigan, you can't because surrogacy is illegal. I'm not sure exactly how surrogates in Michigan do it, but I know of several successful Michigan surros. I will defer to them to explain how that works.

Amy had several independant people say she was perfectly fit to take care of the children. They had a home study done for the adoption and jumped through all the hoops to make this happen. I understand that Lashell had done two previous surrogacies for the same family and they went off without a hitch. I have a feeling though that this time, she may have gone through some PPD (postpartum depression) and she wanted a baby to hold. Especially a little boy, which her and her husband have always wanted, but never had on their own. So she decided because her name was still on the birth certificate that she could take them back and use Amy's previous mental issues as a reason.

Let me make it clear, that is just my opinion.

When you go into a surrogacy you have to have a certain mindset. These children aren't yours. they were never yours. You have no rights to them. I know my role in all of this. I'm simply a babysitter for my great friend, T. This is her baby. I'm simply watching over and taking care of him until he's born. Once he's born, I'll send him back home. Do I love the first little boy I gave birth to? Absolutely! But like an aunt loves her nephew. I'll spoil him when I see him and on birthdays and holidays...but beyond that I'm not worried about him. Same with this little guy. I'm amazed and fascinated by him. His growth, who he's going to be, and what he'll think of his cool older sister are all things I think about...but do I want to keep him? NO! I have already done my stint with dirty diapers and late night feedings. I'm so over that. Let his mom and dad deal with that! (Well, from what I've heard his dad has such a weak stomach he won't be able to change poopy diapers!)

Ok, I've said my piece about this particular cluster fuck of a wanna-be surrogacy. That is all the time I will dedicate to it.

Quick Update

2010-01-26T15:00:00.000-08:00

It's been at least a week or more since I've posted so I thought I'd drop in and make a quick post. (Well as quick as this long winded Italian girl gets!)

The Zofran is...well, it helps. It's not getting rid of everything, but it gets rid of enough of the nausea and vomiting to keep me going...most of the time. I'm also taking the Unisom/B6. The combination of the two helps me get through my day. Today was especially bad though. I woke up sick and when I wake up sick, it doesn't usually go away. Today has been one of those days. I've vomited twice. Really though, that's not that bad.

I stepped on the scale, which I am starting to think is not a smart idea, and I've lost another 2 or 3 pounds. I've lost count at this point. I'm thinking some of my weight loss could be the fact that I'm off of most of the meds. I only have the suppositories left for another two days, then I stop those. Anyway, I'm thinking the reason I'm losing some weight is because of the meds. Last surrogacy, I wasn't sick enough to lose a lot of weight, so when I started losing the medication weight, I was gaining baby weight and it all balanced itself out. (Basically the scale didn't move in one direction or the other.)

This time though, I'm losing weight because of the hyperemesis issue and I'm losing because the medications are working themselves out of my system. So it's scary when I step on the scale and see it constantly going down.

I'll get through it though! I've been told it could last until 20 weeks, or it could end like normal morning sickness at around 13 weeks. We'll see!

Help is on the way!

2010-01-18T14:21:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update:

The RE's office finally has decided to call in a prescription for Zofran! If they didn't help me by 5pm I was going to go to my Dr's emergency care clinic to get some relief.

By breakfast tomorrow I should be eating without any troubles!

Hyperemesis and other Weighty issues

2010-01-18T09:08:00.000-08:00

Hyperemesis gravidarum means extreme vomiting in pregnancy. It's severe morning sickness essentially. Morning sickness to the point of losing weight, not being able to keep anything down...it's really bad. Well, I have it. I can't even keep water down. I've had morning sickness since two days after the transfer, but I was always able to keep liquids down and usually able to keep other foods that I craved down.

Wednesday that all changed. I was doing ok. I tried to eat several small meals/snacks through out the day. I had class and in this class the professor won't let anyone eat. So I missed my 1130am snack. Then I got to my next class, which starts at 1230pm. I need to snack as soon as I get in there...well I was already feeling nauseous. I tried to snack, but I ended up getting sick. I decided just to drink the water I had with me and hope that would be ok until the nausea passed. Class let out and I got to my car. I ran by McDonald's (it's about 230 by now) and grab a fish sandwhich and went to the kids school. I ate in the parking lot and then grabbed the oldest three from school. By the time I had gotten home I had vomitted twice already. (It was 3pm) I didn't keep anything else down that day...not even water.

...And it just got worse. On Thursday I didn't even want to try to eat, but I forced myself to...and it promptly came backup. I even tried drinking protein shakes/smoothies. Nope. It all ended in the same scenario...me bent over the toilet, getting rid of whatever I had in me. Thursday night, while laying in bed, if I tried to roll over, I got...well basically motion sickness.

My midwife told me to try one Unisom at night and 25mg-50mg of B6. Then in the morning half of a Unisom and the B6. In the same email though she told me to get a prescription for Zofran.

I've always had some morning sickness in my pregnancies, but this goes beyond morning sickness. I've actually lost weight!

Speaking of weight: I always gain weight because of the meds. I think just about every woman on these meds does. Well, I gained 15lbs from the begining of meds until a week and a half ago. I evened out and was doing well. (I hate to gain too much weight in the beginning of pregnancy.) Then the hyperemesis really took hold and I started losing weight. I lost 9 pounds, but in the past two days have gained 4 back. I think the majority of that weight was water weight.

Which brings me to my last point. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but T, my IM, has decided that for every pound I gain, she's going to lose one. So I've gained a total of 10lbs...that means that T needs to lose 10 to catch up! She's busy though, planning the baby's room and getting everything planned, so I can understand if she's not worried about weight loss! ;)

I'm so mad!

2010-01-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

**Warning: This post contains strong language.**

Good Morning America is doing a story on a surrogacy gone wrong tomorrow. This story has been played out on some of the surrogacy boards and I'm sorry I'm just done with it!

Why is it that only the bad surrogacy stories are shown on the news?

Seriously?

There are literally thousands of good surrogacy stories but even when some of the good surrogates are put on the news they try to twist their words around to make them sound crazy. If a woman does more than one surrogacy the news tries to say that she's only doing it for the money, or that she has some sort of mental disorder. Are you fucking kidding me? Is there something mentally wrong with me because I decided that I wanted to help one more family? Am I money grubbing bitch because I ask for compensation for my pain and suffering?

Seriously?

I understand that negativity sells newspapers, and that more people will tune in if the story is sensationalized, but in this day and age, don't you think that people need the positive stories? Why don't we focus on the neighbor who saved the older gentleman from a burning house last night? (This actually happened last night in San Antonio...but it only got a blurb in the news.) Or how about the fact that when someone's house burnt down, the local school banded together and collected donations (both monetary and household goods) to help the family? (This happened to my neighbors several doors down...and it was my children's school that collected for them.)

Maybe I'm hormonal but it's about damn time that someone focuses on the positive of surrogacy. I do not want, and have never wanted, to keep the children I have carried. This little boy I carry now already has a mom and dad...why the hell does he need me? (Other than to carry him for the first 40 weeks of his existence.)

I've already posted to GMA's Facebook and said that I'm saddened by the fact that they never accentuate the positive. I'm half tempted to give them my blog address and tell them this is how a good (dare I say great?) surrogacy goes. Quit rewarding bad behavior and making a bad situation worse...start showing the good too.

A little scare...but all is well

2010-01-10T06:29:00.000-08:00

Kenny and I went out to lunch on Friday, and I was cramping a little. Nothing too serious, but enough to make me wonder what was going on. I kept trying to tell myself it was gas...even though I didn't seem to have gas.

Partway through the meal, I got up and went to the restroom. When I wiped, there was a spot of blood on the paper. I nearly lost it. I wiped again, and nothing. I decided to call T anyway, and at least let her know and ask her to call the Dr's office since she seems to get results from them when all I get is...well, brushed aside. T said that she'd call immediately and then she'd call me back.

She called back a few moments later and said she talked to the nurse coordinator. The nurse coordinator told her that it was normal and just irritation from the suppository. I wasn't so sure, but I knew that if I lost this baby it would be the nurse coordinator's fault for pulling me off of all meds except for the suppository. I haven't had any spotting since, and I have noticed that when I put the suppository in, the applicator seems to have cut me a little. So that's more than likely what it is, but it doesn't make me any less nervous that little Joseph is really okay.

Beyond that, things are ok. The morning sickness comes and goes, but it seems to be getting less...or I'm just getting more accustomed to it. Either way, it's not as bothersome!

Holy....cow...

2010-01-07T11:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had my second ultrasound. Joseph is in there, all snuggly warm and his little heart is beating wonderfully! I got to see the little flutter and it was beautiful!

Now here's the shocking part. I didn't expect the RE to stop my shot, but I was hoping that he would at least reduce my meds so I wasn't still doing a full 2ml of progesterone. The nurse coordinator emailed me this morning though and says that I'm to stop the progesterone shots completely, and wean off of the steroid. I am to continue on the suppository until 10 weeks of pregnancy.

WHAT?!?! Are you kidding me? No more shots!? I'm just dumbfounded. I didn't think he would just stop them! I fully anticipated another 4-6 weeks on the shots!

Kenny started helping me work out the knots last night. I laid on my stomach for about an hour or so while he used this back massager to work them out. There are two little "heads" on the massager and they can heat up if you turn the heat on. He turned the heat on, and then rubbed my hip until the knots let loose. The right side has a couple of tiny knots left. (And by tiny I mean about the size of a marble.) The left side though...well, I still have a huge knot there. It's not quite as bad, but it's still pretty bad. It's about the size of a softball and then the second one is a little bigger than a golf ball. It's ok though, I'll survive now knowing that I won't have to push through them anymore in order to get the medicine in!

I'm wondering if the nurse coordinator actually knows what she's doing. This wouldn't be the first time she's "mis-spoke" about something. I've had four different calendars because my meds weren't written right on the first ones. (I mean four different versions of the calendar I have now...which says the steroids stopped yesterday and the shots continue until the end of January.) I almost want to email her to make sure. I can't have this pregnancy screwed up because the NC is an idiot. (No seriously, she's a moron. Until three days ago she misspelled my name in every email. How hard is it to spell Jenni? Really? I finally emailed her back and misspelled her name. Instead of Titi, I called her Titty. She hasn't misspelled it since!)

She wrote it in two different emails though, so I would hope that she got it right. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut and count this as a blessing. I'm pregnant and I don't have to do anymore of the horrible progesterone shots!

Either way, I'm soaking in a warm tub tonight! I'm going to do some sort of workout, even if it's just walking the dog a mile or more like I did yesterday, and then I'm going to soak for at least 45 minutes. It's going to be wonderful. Me, some soft music, lavender bubble bath, and a warm tub...yep, I may actually sleep tonight!

Speaking of sleep, I slept pretty well last night. I think because I had walked so far yesterday that I wore myself out a bit. I was asleep by 10pm and slept until 6am when my alarm went off. Then, after the kids got off to school, I fell back asleep until 930. It was great! Maybe I'll sleep again tonight now that my body remembers how good it is!

Today is the day...

2010-01-06T05:40:00.000-08:00

Today I go for a second sonogram. They're going to measure the gestational sac, look for a yolk sac/fetal pole and a heartbeat. I'm 6w5d along today so we should be able to see a heartbeat. I was told by the nurse coordinator yesterday that as soon as they know they have a heartbeat, my restrictions will be lifted. I was also told the doctor will write a letter releasing me from his care. I'm not sure where that leaves me with the shots, but let's hope they'll let me stop the shots.

Speaking of shots, last night's shot was horrific! I'm not being melodramatic, I'm being realistic. It was awful and then some. On both hips I have horrible knots. I literally have no where else to shoot myself...so I have to go through the knots. I iced my hip down while heating the oil. When my hip was numb, I cleaned the area with the alcohol and started pushing the needle in. About halfway through it met resistance. I pushed harder and got it in a little further. This was the point that the burning started. With tears welling up in my eyes, and my husband telling me that I'm doing great, I took a deep breath and pushed the needle the rest of the way in. My leg started to hurt and I took several deep breathes trying to relax thinking maybe I was too tense. I pulled the syringe back to be sure I didn't have blood come back. There was no blood so I started pushing the medication in. About halfway through the shot my leg started to spasm. So here I am, laying on my side, twisted around in order to get the right angle with the needle in my bum, my gluteus muscle burning horribly, and now my leg starts having muscle spasms. My husband just starts telling me he's proud of me and that I'm doing great. I keep reminding myself to breath, in and out, in and out. My husband suddenly says "You're done!"

I don't think I've ever pulled a needle out that fast. I swear I could feel the needle scrape every millimeter of flesh on the way out. As soon as the needle was out, I had horrible muscle spasms in my glutes and in my leg. My husband took the cotton swab and started massaging the area. He kept saying that I had a horrible knot there. He tried to rub it out, but I was sobbing so hard he finally stopped. I ended up bleeding after all. Kenny held me for a little bit afterward. It was, by far the worst shot I've ever had to do. Instead of sitting on the heating pad for an hour or two after the shot, I ended up sleeping on it. I didn't move all night. I was so stiff when I woke up this morning.

Speaking of sleeping...I actually slept through the night last night. I think it was because I was just so tired, and cried so hard, that my body just gave up and I slept. This is both a blessing and a curse though. I'm so grateful to have finally slept, but I now I'm even more tired! I feel like I need another 12 hours of sleep! Maybe I'll get a nap today.

I can do it!

2010-01-03T10:51:00.001-08:00

Yep, that's what I keep telling myself...

I've learned over the past 6-8 months that I feel better and have more energy when I exercise...even if it's just going for a brisk walk, or jogging up and down the stairs...anything to get my blood flowing and some sweat a movin'. Well, because of the restrictions I'm under, I can't do any of that. I can't lift over 10 pounds, which means I can't even lift weights to give myself a workout. So for the past almost two months, I've been living a sedentary lifestyle. That, in combination with the meds, and I've gained 14 pounds already! (I feel huge!)

I went to Sam's Club today with the family, and we walked around long enough to get all of our shopping done for two weeks and then we stopped to pick up food on our way home. I was and am exhausted. I want to lay down and take a nap! This is not like me at all! I've had so much energy and been doing so well at working out. Now I'm a bum...or at least that's how I feel.

Speaking of bums...

Mine hurts! The past three shots I've given myself haven't gone so well. I don't know what the deal is. I can get the needle in without any issue, but about halfway through the shot, my muscle decides it can't handle anymore progesterone. The muscle starts to burn, and then my hip starts to ache (literally the hip, like near the bone, not the muscle), and last but not least, it starts to ache down my leg. I have two huge bruises, one on each butt cheek. I also have two huge knots that no matter how long I sit on the heating pad and massage them they won't go down. (Again, one on each butt cheek.) My lower back started to ache last night but I think that's because I have to twist into some weird positions in order to get the needle in. If Kenny's hands didn't shake when he gets near the needle, I'd have him start doing the injections. Oh well, this part is almost over!

I've had to work out new solutions for the morning sickness. Just when I think something works, like eating 8+ small meals a day, the little bean decides to throw me a curve ball and make me sick just after I've eaten something...or in the middle of the night. That's been the big thing lately. Waking up 15 times a night to vomit. I've started keeping pretzels and bottled water next to the bed. When I wake up feeling a bit nauseous, I take a swig of water, and eat a few pretzels...wait about three minutes and repeat. That usually works. A couple of nights ago I thought for sure I had the flu or something cause no matter what I did, I couldn't leave the bathroom I was so sick. I find it hilarious though when I think about it. Most women would be just finding out their pregnant. If I were in their shoes, I'd be calling the doctor and asking for the symptoms of swine flu, or setting up an appointment because I had the flu. That would be the time the doctor tells me I don't have the flu and to rest...and after another week when it didn't go away and I hadn't started my period, that would be when I realized that I was pregnant. Luckily I can skip all the extra steps and go straight to the "This kid hates me!" whining.

Either way, I'll deal with the nausea, and the exhaustion and the wishing I could soak in a tub, or work out (or *whispers* have s-e-x) and I'll do it all knowing that someday Joseph (the little bean) will be in his mother's arms where he belongs because of it.

An Update...

2009-12-31T14:04:00.000-08:00

I had an ultrasound yesterday and they saw one gestational sac. I'm kind of relieved that there's only one little bean in there. And he is apparently a strong little booger because yesterday and today no matter what I tried, I couldn't get ahead of the morning sickness. Today I texted hubby and he brought me in bread before I ever got out of bed. I sat up to eat and felt even more queasy and a little light headed. I keep reminding myself it's not as bad as my first pregnancy where I couldn't keep anything down for more than 10 minutes...and I ended up passing out a few times...then in the hospital on an IV drip to rehydrate me. I won't let it get that bad. I'm doing good though. I have only emptied my stomach once today, which isn't bad considering I've wanted to rid it of its contents several times. Hard candies and root beer are my friends!

I've also been having horrible night sweats with this pregnancy. I'm assuming it's the meds. I have at least another 5 weeks or so of meds. Possibly more because my calendar only goes until the end of January...I'm hoping that's because they're stopping meds then. The thing that bothers me is that if that's when I stop meds, I hope they're not having me stop cold turkey. They're not weaning me off of anything. Everytime they change my meds it's a "ok stop meds" not a gradual weaning off them like I had before. So much of this protocol is different!

But I digress...

The night sweats are so bad that I literally wake up on a soaked bed, in soaked PJs, with a soaked sheet and blanket. Then, when I try to get them to dry out so I can go back to sleep, I end up freezing! But I can't crawl back under the sheets, cause I'm burning up...plus they smell! Thank goodness my husband works third shift and doesn't have to deal with this! I wake every night between 4am and 430am and do everything I can to fall back asleep...then when I wake in the morning, I shower, Fabreze the bed, and put on new sheets. (And of course wash the previous night's sheets to prepare for the next morning.) Hopefully when the meds stop, the night sweats stop.

And my sense of smell is incredible! I got into the car yesterday morning and could smell grease and smoke. I texted my husband and asked him who he had in the car the night before. (He usually rides his motorcycle, but took the van because it was raining and below 30 degrees.) He says he had his friend, and asked why. I told him what I smelled and he said that he was a smoker, but he didn't let him smoke in the van...and that they went to get burritos, which accounted for the greasy smell. It was bad. I had to roll the windows down in order to air out the van...but no one else could smell anything!

Other than that, not much is happening. I have another ultrasound on January 6th to check for the heartbeat. I can't wait till we see his heartbeat and we know that he's all safe and snuggled in there for the long haul.

T is thrilled. She even started researching cribs. I'm so glad this has finally happened for her and M!

Morning Sickness....

2009-12-28T16:24:00.000-08:00

So I had pretty bad morning sickness with my other pregnancies, and this one started out just like all the others. I tried every home/herbal remedy I could think of to no avail...then I tried something crazy: I ate regularly, regardless of the queasiness in my stomach.

The first day was hard. I woke up feeling sick, but I had some crackers and a root beer. (Root beer seems to help settle my stomach this time around.) I waited about 45 minutes and had some toast. Then about two hours later I had a protein smoothie. And the day progressed with me eating a snack, or a meal every two hours or so until bedtime. I felt sick the whole day!

The next day I woke, not quite so sick. I ate crackers before I ever got out of bed, and then drank my root beer. about 20 minutes later (because I was starving!) I had some juice, eggs (w/ salsa!) and bacon. I continued every 2 hours eating something until bedtime...and I had one bout of nausea all day.

And every day since then? No morning sickness. It's been great! I feel a little nauseous right now, but that's because I ate too much at dinner. (The babies apparently really, really like pork tenderloin...because I rarely if ever ate it before, and I had 4 servings tonight. I feel like a pig and should have stopped after the second but I couldn't help it!)

So Wednesday is the ultrasound. We finally get to see how many little beans are in there. I still maintain that there are two in there...either that, or this is so different because I'm pregnant within 7 months of giving birth to the last little surrobean. Either way, I'm pregnant and I'm so thrilled for T and M!

I've been trying so hard not to compare T and my first IM, G, but some days are harder than others. Like just before Christmas I needed to know how my calendar was changing. This clinic only gives me my calendar in little chunks. (I think it's so they can surprise me and it doesn't seem so overwhelming, but seriously, it just annoys the hell out of me!) Well, my calendar was ending and no one had given me a new one. I emailed the nurse coordinator and told her I needed a new calendar because I had no idea what I was doing the next day. I also emailed T and told her I had no idea what I was doing, and I also needed to know if I needed to order new meds, and which meds I still needed. Well, T was all over the clinic like white on rice! She handled business! The next morning I had my new calendar, my test results and I even had the old nurse coordinator (who is on maternity leave) email me and tell me that if I needed a prescription for Zofran for the morning sickness she would get me one! Go T!!

G on the other, when we had a similar issue after the hurricane, let me deal with it all and just kind of sat back and watched.

So yeah, T is way better at this, and totally tries to take the stress off of me as much as possible...and I totally love her for it!

Second Beta Results!

2009-12-24T07:57:00.001-08:00

I just got our second beta results!

*drum roll*

636

I have my first ultrasound on the 30th, and the second on January 6th. At the point we'll know for sure how many.

I'm thinking twins, but that's because of the horrible morning sickness!

Speaking of which...last night I was giving myself my shot and I started dry heaving. It was horrible. I have a huge knot there now, and some serious bruising. It's ok though, because there is at least one beautiful little boy in there who needs me to stay strong and keep on keeping on so he can survive. And that, coupled with the excitement in T's voice whenever she talks about her son, makes it all worth it.

Have a great holiday season all! Keep believing in Christmas Miracles.

Second Beta!

2009-12-23T07:29:00.000-08:00

I went and had blood drawn this morning for my second beta test. I'm kinda curious to see what this one is going to be. I thought since Friday, December 11th, that I was having multiples. I had never had such a reaction to pregnancy. I felt nauseous on the way home from Dallas the next day. I was extremely exhausted within two days. (Not all the time mind you, but there were times during the day when I got really tired.)

Hubby and I tried to chalk it up to the fact that my protocol was different this time around so I was reacting differently to the meds. Then I got the first positive at 4.5dp5dt (or 9.5dpo). Most women don't get positives that early. Hell, I've never gotten a positive that early.

Anyway, that's when I began to really wonder what was up. Then Monday's beta number came in at 304 and I got a little nervous. We'll see after today's though. I'm not going to jump to any conclusions until we have today's number. Well, that and the ultrasound.

So that's where we are right now. I'll post later today or tomorrow morning and let you know what the second number is!

The First Beta is in....

2009-12-22T07:37:00.001-08:00

*Drum Roll Please*

The first number is....304!

Can you believe it? I nearly passed out when I saw it was that high. My head is still spinning! I can't believe it! I called T and left her a voice mail. She doesn't know the number yet though. I can't wait to hear her reaction. I wonder if she'll say the same thing did? ("Holy shit"...and it was just like that, deadpan)

Well, my second test is tomorrow and we'll see where we go from there!

Beta Testing...

2009-12-21T10:33:00.000-08:00

I went this morning and had my beta test run. Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the test results. I'm so impatient! I emailed T and let her know that it was done and if she hears the results first to call me.

I feel guilty cause I haven't called her in the last day or two. I've been so busy trying to finish things up before Christmas, and then I get tired and nap. Add to that the morning sickness that has absolutely no rhyme or reason to it's comings and goings and life got really crazy, really quick. But honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. The morning sickness is a (albeit annoying) reminder that there is a little bean growing inside me. I'll survive the weeks of tiredness and morning sickness to see the look on T and M's faces when they see their son for the first time.

On a related note, I got a card from G with a picture of the kids. The baby is getting so big! It's crazy how big he is! His brother and sister are getting really big too. I remember when his sister when we first met and she wasn't even in school yet! Now she's a kindergartner! Boy how time flies...

...now if only it would stop crawling today and I would get my beta numbers!

Anyone wanna take a guess at what they'll be? Today I am 11dp5dt. I started getting positive results almost a full week ago at 4.5dp5dt. What do you think?

Bleh...

2009-12-18T06:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, so over the past five days (yep, five days now...) I've been feeling nauseous in the evenings. Well, I woke up this morning and was feeling a bit off. I ate some toast...then I had a couple of crackers...then I promptly got sick. It looks like this is going to be a pregnancy where the first trimester is marked by morning sickness. It's ok though because every time I talk with T, the excitement in her voice makes the morning sickness seem not so bad.

I hadn't planned on telling anyone really (with the exception of a few people who have been praying for us) until we were out of the first trimester. Yesterday I was at the school and one of the teachers that I'm good friends with asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was doing well, just tired. She responded with "When you're pregnant, you need to rest more." I just looked at her and she started laughing. She said that was all the confirmation she needed...then she asked who the lucky family was. It's so nice to know that I have support from my friends!

I did ask her though why she thought I was pregnant. She said that I was starting to show (I'm just bloated from the meds), and that I had been really tired and nauseous over the past week. Even when we did the teacher appreciation dinner (to which I'm invited nearly every year because of my involvement in the school) I barely ate. Guess I'm not hiding it as well as I thought, lol!

Oh well. Go M.A.D!

I gave in...

2009-12-17T05:55:00.001-08:00

...and I tested on Tuesday morning. I know, I know. I waited two whole days to post! It's ok though. I had to wait for my IPs to get the news...they did, after all, have a bigger stake in this than anyone else, hehe.

So here it is. Tuesday morning I woke up and tested. I looked at the test and thought I saw a faint line but I was so afraid to get my hopes up. My husband though came in and saw it and said yes, it is in fact positive!

(I've added a second picture of the original inverted so you can better see the positive line.)

So I waited and tested several hours later and the line was about the same. I don't have a good picture of that one, but anyway...

So yesterday morning I woke up and tested again. I had to have a good picture to share with T, M and C. I went into the bathroom, peed in a cup and ran two tests simultaneously. I took a cheap Equate (I say cheap, it's cheaper than the name brands...but certainly not inexpensive...holy crap those things are expensive!) and then I took an Early Response. Both have blue dye.

Both showed a positive immediately! All the tests are still kind of faint, but it's enough to definitively say that I'M PREGNANT! I'm so excited for T and M!

It was all I could over the past two days to keep my mouth shut! I sent a balloon bouquet to T and M that was all blue and said Congrats and Baby Boy and that kind of thing. Poor C (she's 20) answered the door when it arrived and the delivery guy told her congrats...I can't help but laugh because T and M (and C) knew that some people would just assume that it was C who was pregnant/had a baby, but no one expected it to start so soon! I digress. The balloons hadn't arrived yet and I set T an email letting her know she had a special delivery on the way....and then I waited...and waited...and then T called. The balloons hadn't arrived yet, but she wanted to know how I was doing. I nearly burst out of my skin I was trying so hard to keep quiet!

We tried to make small talk. I found out a few minutes later that she was trying not ask me if I had tested and was trying just as hard as I was to not tell her that her Christmas Miracle had arrived! She kind of asked if I had tested and I told her flat out that if she asks me directly if I tested, I won't lie, but I'm not going to volunteer the information. She flat out asked and I think I may have actually yelled that it was positive! Poor T must have thought I was crazy, lol!

I called Dr. Saleh's office to see about getting an early BETA test, but they said no. They want my first test to be over a certain number and so they only test on the 10th (or greater) day. Monday will be 11dp5dt. I'm curious as to how high my BETA number is going to be. This time around I'll get the numbers! (We're not in hurricane season, and even if we were, Dallas is so far from the coast that if a hurricane did hit, they would only get a little rain.)

T and I must have talked for at least 2 or so hours yesterday. I think she is the perfect IM! I love talking to her. I'm honestly not much of a phone person, but I could talk to her for hours. Last night we talked about everything! I caught her up on all the symptoms I've been having, which, by the way, started on Friday...kinda makes you wonder if both took? We talked about the transfer, and baby names, and my new puppy. (I just got a German Shepherd puppy and she has a German Shepherd.) We talked about M and how excited he would be when he got home from work and saw the balloons and heard the news. We talked about C and what a good kid (ok...she's an adult) she is. I just think T is amazing and I'm so proud to be able to help her.

Ok, I'm uber-hormonal. I had to take a break from that last paragraph. I started crying. I'm going to take off for now. Perhaps later this afternoon I'll make another post to list all the symptoms I've been having. Then I'll ask what ya'll think my BETA numbers are going to look like.

Go M.A.D!

(Go Make A Difference!)

To POAS or not to POAS

2009-12-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

So I woke up this morning, and for the first time since the transfer I just had to pee on a stick (POAS)! I went looking through the medicine cabinet because I thought I had one test left over from the last surrogacy, but I actually didn't. I know it's probably still too early to test, and it probably would have come back negative...but seriously, I just had to test!

You know it's funny actually. Only women who are TTC, whether for themselves or for others, are in an elite group of people who can get away with being obsessed about peeing on something regularly.

Well, this morning I am 3.5dp5dt. This afternoon I'll be a full 4dp5dt...which if I remember correct is 9dpo. 10dpo is the soonest you can test and expect good results (usually). That means tomorrow afternoon I could test. Then again it's best to use FMU (first morning urine) so it would be Wednesday morning. let's see if I can actually hold out that long!

Beyond that, not much is going on. Just taking it easy now that the semester is over. I've been super exhausted the past day or two, so Kenny's been letting me sleep as much as possible. He goes back to work on Tuesday night. He's been off since last week so I could go to Houston for the transfer.

I'll probably run out today and buy a few tests. I don't think I can wait much longer to pee something.

Let the wait begin!

2009-12-12T04:15:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to make this blog entry!

Wednesday I left home and drove to Dallas so we could transfer on Thursday afternoon. I was about halfway up there when my phone rang. It was T. We were awaiting the results of the PGD testing, and I figured that's why she was calling. Well, I was in a construction zone, and I wasn't going to answer...

10 minutes later I was able to listen to the message she left. I had to listen to it twice. T's voice was so calm and even that I wasn't sure I heard her right. The PGD test results were in. All the embryos were surviving. One had a chromosomal abnormality (XXY, Klinefelter's), but the other 5 were perfect...and they were all boys!

I was dumbfounded!

T and M had waited for so long to get to this point. We were afraid with the low number of eggs retrieved that they wouldn't get their baby boy this time around. But instead, all they got were boys!

So Thursday rolls around. I wake up in the morning, go and get a nice healthy breakfast and sit in the hotel room watching TV until my 3pm appointment. Around 1230 I decide I can't wait any longer or else I"m going to go stir crazy. So I go to the hospital. (Dr. Saleh's office, SIRM, is in a huge medical facility/hospital.) I find a little cafe and get something to eat. I sit outside in the atrium and as slowly as I can muster eat my turkey panini, chips and drink my water. I managed to last until 215pm. I decide at that point that maybe I should go up a little early to see if there is any paperwork I need to sign or anything like that.

I got upstairs, signed in, and within 5 minutes they took me back. I was put in a gown, and taken into the transfer room. I climbed up on the table (which BTW, had a nice foam pad on it to cushion me...instead of the typical hard exam table...Thank you, Dr. Saleh!) and they strapped my legs down in the stirrups.

The doctor came in and they found my uterus via ultrasound and decided where to place the little guys. Then the embryologist came in with the two embryos they decided to transfer. They verified my name, and T and M's names, and inserted the catheter. After waiting for one minutes, they removed the catheter, and the embryologist took it to the next room to examine it under the microscope to be sure the embryos did in fact transfer and didn't get stuck. Sure enough, they were in there! I got to see the pictures of them, and they were hatching already. They're are the most beautiful little embryos I have ever seen. (Ok, I might be a bit biased!)

They wheeled me out into the "holding" area and had me lie on my back for 35 minutes...then I was free to go on a "modified" bed rest. I was allowed to get up for a quick bite, a quick shower (no more then 10 minutes), and then back to bed. I was told to "veg out" or "be a couch potato" for the next 24 hours.

So I went back to the hotel room and just lounged around watching TV. I came home on Friday afternoon.

And now we wait.

For the past two days I've woken up between 2am and 230am to go to the bathroom and then haven't been able to get back to sleep. Last night, instead of tossing and turning and risking waking Kenny, I decided to get up and do something productive. So I went grocery shopping and got all the ingredients for a huge breakfast/brunch for the family. I'm doing a french toast bake, sausage and cheese stuffed croissants, bacon and eggs and a fruit smoothie. (Mine with soy protein!) I've also done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. If you were to walk in there right now, you'd have no clue I went to the store, let alone already prepped this huge breakfast. Now I'm just waiting until about 645 or so to start baking.

While I was at the store getting groceries, I had to resist the urge to by pregnancy tests. I know if they're in the house this early, I'm going to want to use them this early. Kenny told me he doesn't want me testing until next week. (Sunday is technically next week, right? ;) ) He knows how bad and guilty I felt last time I tested early and kept getting negatives. He doesn't want me to torture myself like that again. He wants me to remain as mellow as possible. He's too precious!

Oh! So last night I had to give myself the dual shots. Both went in, and off, without a hitch. In fact, my hips barely hurt today. Not sure what's up with this, but considering I have less than two weeks on the shots now, I'm thrilled! I started a suppository last night, which needs to be refrigerated. I'll leave you to your own devices about how wonderful that feels! Actually, I have an applicator to insert them this time, so it's not nearly as bad as the last suppositories that I had to put in "manually".

Well, I believe you are now up to date. I have two beautiful pictures of the embryos and with T's permission I'll post them later.

Go M.A.D!

Wowza!

2009-12-09T05:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, so not a whole lot has happened...but what has happened is BIG! I mean HUGE!

T got the baby's first report card (I blatantly stole that from her...too cute!). All 7 embabies fertilized and are thriving! There are two Grade 1 and five Grade 2, so they're all great quality! By the time I get there tomorrow we should have at least one precious baby boy to transfer!

And then...to make things even better...I had to do the double shots last night. The E2V (estrogen) and the progesterone shot. Well, hubby gave me the one (ok, he didn't stick me, but he pushed the medicine in) and then I gave myself the other. I rolled over onto the heating pad, and fell asleep. I slept all through the night (which is huge unto itself cause I haven't been sleeping well). When I woke this morning, my hip barely ached! I'm feeling great this morning!

I leave this afternoon to go to Dallas for tomorrow's transfer! I would leave earlier, but I have one last class to make an appearance at...kick boxing. I just need to drop off my food journal and exercise log and then I'm out of there! I figure I'll be on the road by 1pm. I'll get to the hotel, get checked in, eat some dinner, and get a good night's rest. Then tomorrow I get pregnant!

I'll write more tomorrow after the transfer! Have a great day!

*Go M.A.D!*
(Go Make A Difference!)

"Knot" Today

2009-12-07T12:12:00.000-08:00

Well, last night's shot went pretty well. I gave myself the shot in the right hip again. I did the right hip two days in a row so that tonight I can do the left hip, and then on Tuesday when I have to do the double shots, I'll do the right hip again. I'm hoping that by giving myself a day off before I have to do the double shot will help some. I'm considering doing the shot on Tuesday and splitting hips...meaning I'll do one in each hip. I'm not sure though.

So I've been sitting on a heating pad shifting my weight and trying to get the knots to loosen up some. I'm not visibly bruised, so that's a good thing. It doesn't mean I'm not hurting though. You can feel so gnarly little knots in there. God love my husband though! Last night he stood beside the bed and rubbed my leg as I gave myself the shot. The night before he actually injected the medicine for me. He hates the shots and he doesn't have to have them! I really appreciate the fact that he's there for me though. I can't imagine not having such an awesome support system!

And then there is my IM, T. I adore her. Seriously, she is the best. Don't get me wrong, G was a great IM and I love her too, but T...T has embraced this whole experience in ways I didn't expect her to. For instance, G attempted to induce lactation after my midwife and I talked to her about it. T on the other hand approached me about it! I totally didn't expect that, and I love it! I had one friend ask me how I felt about watching another woman breastfeed the baby I had just delivered. I told them it was her child, so her feeding the baby is different from me. She's bonding with the baby in a very intimate manner. I, on the other, was just feeding the baby, and, on a more selfish level, was trying to lose weight and make myself more comfortable!

I just love the fact that T is so willing to embrace every moment of this crazy journey we call surrogacy. It's awesome!

Well, I just got an email from my widwife, Sam. She's going to take me on again. She left the birth center I delivered my other surroson at and is now with another birth center. I just hope that my insurance will cover most of it, or that we can work something out so I can deliver with her. That's one thing that made me sad about my last delivery. I wanted to have her there with me, but she wasn't on call, so I had another midwife there. Don't get me wrong, it was still a beautiful birth and one I'll cherish forever (especially considering my husband was an AWESOME doula!)...but I think it would have been even better with Sam. I told my hubby today that if my insurance won't cover it, in order to save some money (and not have to drive as far while I'm in labor), plus for comfort levels I'd consider a home birth. I am only 10 minutes from the new hospital. They have a huge birthing facility and would be able to take me if an emergency arose...it does make me nervous though. It would be something I'd have to research before I really considered it.

So, we're just waiting for the fertility report. So far we know that 7 eggs fertilized and they look good. Now we're just waiting for a few tests to be run. Thursday is the big day! Keep praying that the little man keeps growing and is as ready for me as I am for him!

I'm back at it!

2009-12-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I had considered waiting for another week to post, but I decided not to wait.

I have matched with a new couple! Not only have I matched, but I'm on meds, and we transfer on Thursday! I'm so excited!

T and M are wonderful. They've been together for many years, and have a beautiful 19 year old daughter, C. T is unable to carry another child due to a medical condition. M is a civilian working for the Air Force, and T is a stay at home mom.

So here's where things stand as of right now. Their RE, Dr. Saleh, has me on dexamethsone (a steriod), azithromycin (an antibiotic), Estradiol and progestrone. The Estradiol this time around is intramuscular injections in the hip, twice a week. I have to give myself the shots on Tuesdays and Fridays. The progesterone shots are daily. On Tuesdays and Fridays I have to give myself two different hip shots.

Last night was the first night for the two shots, and boy did it hurt! I'm having trouble sitting today. I'm not bruised, at least not visibly, but you can feel the knot on my hip...and by hip, you'll remember I mean ass. Ahh the joys of surrogacy!

I keep reminding myself how wonderful it will be when I see T hold her child for the first time. That's what makes these moments totally worthwhile.

Well, I'll update this blog regularly now that I'm matched and cycling again. I can't wait until I'm able to post my BFP! Thursday is the transfer day...so until then! Adieu!

Thanks for the well wishes...

2009-06-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

It's been just over a week since I gave birth. I've cried a couple of times, but mainly because I was in pain. I wish I had some friends who understood what I was going through. Then when I explain to them how I'm feeling they won't think less of me, or think something is wrong with me...they'll understand because they've been there.

But as Donkey said in Shrek:

Cause I'm all alone.
There's no one here beside me.
My problems have all gone,
there's no one to deride me.
But you gotta have friends -

I've had a couple of people say congratulations, and I wanted to say thank you to them. I'm very proud of what I have done. I don't know if I'll do it again. I'd love to, but at this point, having only family and close friends to support me, I'm not sure. None of them understand exactly what I'm going through because none of them have been in my shoes.

On a more positive, upbeat note, I've been pumping for baby Jason! It's so weird to have bottles around the house again! I pump into bottles most of the time, it's just easier, but sometimes I pump directly into the freezer bags. My right breast produces about 6-8oz in a sitting (usually), and my left breast...well, I'm having issues there. I can never seem to fully drain that side. It has become painful and I'm worried that I may have mastitis. I've taken the drops my midwife gave me in the event of mastitis a couple of times, and that seems to help it, so I'll stay on that, and continue pumping regularly. I have quite a bit of milk in my deep freezer. G and I will see each other on Friday and I'll give her everything I have. Hopefully it'll be enough to last the baby a couple of weeks till I see them again.

Superwoman falls...

2009-05-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

So here I am today, the day before I turn...old. (Nope, you're not getting my age...although I feel old, I'm still young at heart and I'll be young at heart until the day I die!) I decided that because I didn't have a baby to take care of slept pretty well last night, that I could do some running today without any issues.

Boy was I wrong!

I woke up at 545am plugged in my curling iron, and while it heated up, searched the bedroom for my "fat" jeans. I was a size 8-10 the day we transferred those three little embryos all those months ago. I figured the day after I delivered the gorgeous little bean that came from that batch, I should at least try to fit into my size 12s. (Never mind the fact that I still have the pregnancy "pooch" and have only lost about 22lbs since yesterday morning...which by the way caused my Wii Fit to freak out! That's a different story though.)

So I find my size 12s, grab a black tank top and my Victoria's Secret bra. I go into the bathroom with every intention of doing my hair, my makeup, and getting myself looking like Mrs. San Antonio again. After all, a pageant queen can't be seen looking all tired and worn out! (LOL) I put on my Baboosh Baby Taut. Oh yeah, I'm already looking a little thinner! I hoist the girls into my VS bra. I'm doing good. I put on my tank and smooth it down. Holy crap! You can hardly tell I was pregnant this time yesterday! (I'm sure the paleness in my face says otherwise, but we'll deal with that later!) Now comes the fun...my jeans. I go out and sit at the edge of bed knowing full well with the way my hips feel, I can't do this standing up. I put my legs in, stand up, and say a little prayer. The jeans slid right up over my thighs. The jeans gods are smiling down on me. Now for my hips. I remind myself that if I can't get them up, it's not my fault. I just delivered a 9lb baby less then 24 hours ago. I take a deep breath and pull one final time. And they came up over my hips! WOAH! Ok, ok. Let's not get too excited. I still have to button them. At this point, I'm fully prepared to lay on the bed, hold my breath, wiggle, squirm and use tools to get the zipper up if need be.

I take my final breath before attempting to button and zip my jeans. I close my eyes and bring the button to the hole...and it goes through with relative ease. I keep my eyes squeezed shut as I begin to zip them up...when suddenly I realize the zipper won't go up any further...because it's at the top! I'm in a size 12!!! WOOHOO!

It's at this point I begin to realize I'm getting tired. I unplug the curling iron. I had a shower the night before and my hair had a slight curl, with a wild hair here or there. So I just pulled the top part back and brushed it under. Viola! I decided to forgo the makeup. Hey, I got into my jeans. That's a huge accomplishment, right?

So we take the kids to school and drop them off. One of the teachers waved at me, and we stopped to say a quick hi. He realized I wasn't pregnant and asked for some details. I proudly told him "Yesterday morning! He was just over 9lbs!" He gave me a hug through window and said he was proud of me.

Hubby and I decided to get breakfast. I decided I was feeling well enough to be seen so I wanted to go to my new favorite breakfast spot, The Egg & I.

This is where Superwoman begins to realize she's not impervious to everything.

We get there and are seated. The benches are hard wooden benches. I can do this. We order...and I'm doing well. I get halfway through breakfast and realize the wooden benches aren't the greatest thing to sit on the day after giving birth. I'm tough though. I can do this.

We leave breakfast and go get coffee from Starbucks. I get my typical Soy Latte, but this time it's not decaf! MMM, caffeine! We then run to Walgreens because I need a few personal items. (I'll spare you the details!)

As we pull into Walgreens, we hit a little pot hole. My hip begins aching and I feel a slight burn down below. I take a deep breath. I'm Superwoman. I'm Superwoman. "Even when I'm a mess, I still put on the vest, with an S on my chest, Oh yes, I'm a Superwoman." We park. Hubby helps me out of the van and reminds me to breath. Do I look like I'm in that much pain?

I'm a Superwoman.

I walk into Walgreens. Ok, at this point, I'm not walking...I'm kind of shuffling. Each step becoming more painful then the next. Halfway through our little shopping trip, it becomes painfully (and I mean PAINFULLY) obvious that I have bitten off more then I can chew. I might have been able to fit into my jeans...but I wasn't quite big enough for my britches.

I manage to get back into the van and we head home. As soon as we get through the door, my jeans came off and sweats went on. I laid down in bed intending to rest for a few minutes. That was around 930am. I woke up at noon and was hungry. I was also hurting pretty bad. I realized that I had over done it.

I think tomorrow Superwoman is going to sit around the house with her feet up. The most walking she'll do is from the fridge to the couch, and the couch to the bathroom.

I have delivered a healthy baby boy!

2009-05-25T14:09:00.000-07:00

This has been an amazing day!

I woke up this morning at 250am to a contraction. This contraction was much like all the other contractions I've had over the past few days. I got up, walked to the bathroom and found blood. I was shocked. I had two more contractions in the ten minutes I was in the bathroom.

DH was switching his schedule back to his work schedule (he works third shift), so he had just gotten up. I walked into the livingroom and told him I wasn't sure exactly, but he might want to let the guys at work know that he may not be in tonight. He told me he'd wait just a bit to find out if things fizzled. I told him I was going to lay down.

But I couldn't get comfortable in bed at all! So I put the birthing ball at the end of the bed, leaned on the bed, and tried to fall back asleep. I had my laptop to time contractions "just in case". After 45 minutes of contractions getting stronger, and closer together, I told hubby it was time to call the midwives. I called and she asked to meet me at the birth center in 45 minutes. This gave me 15 minutes to get things in the car, get someone to watch the kids, and then the 30 minute ride. I then called G & K and let them know what was going on.

This is where the fun began!

The person who was supposed to watch my kids was unavailable. We tried a few other friends, none of which answered the phone. I absolutely did not want the children there. My children are sensitive, and I was afraid I would scare them if I screamed. (Now that I think about it, this would have been a good time to talk with the older three about the dangers of sex! I missed a learning opportunity...oh well! ) Because of the age of our children, DH decided they could stay alone. (We came back to a slightly cleaner house, and no one needed stitches...I'm impressed!)

We left for the birthing center. My contractions were 3 minutes apart. By the time we got there, they were 2 minutes apart. They checked me and said I was about 95% effaced...she said that she would have said 100% but you're never 100% so I was close enough. The baby was at 0 station. I told her I was shooting for a 5 or 6 dilation. I was a good 5 quickly heading to a 6.

I went to the bathroom again (the toilet was so comfortable to sit on!) and waited for the tub fill up. I decided shortly thereafter to get in the shower and wait. I kept asking DH if my IPs were there yet. In the shower, I began to feel the urge to push, but tried hard to ignore it. My IPs weren't there yet! I was getting out of the shower because I had to pee again. I made it to the toilet, and one of the midwives told DH that my IPs were there. I don't think I even said anything when my water broke and I announced that it was time to push.

I heard my IPs state of shock. It had been just over an hour since I called them to let them know I was in labor...and here I was ready to push.

EXCEPT!

I refused to leave the toilet. They had the birthing stool ready and I knew that if I delivered there G (my IM) could deliver her son. I also knew I could not deliver on the toilet. DH got rough with me. He took my arm, and told me to get up...it was the time I had waited for. Instinctively, I did what he told me to. When he had told me to relax, it helped with contractions. When he told me to try to move positions, it helped. This was only going to help me too.

I got to the birthing stool (sort of in shock that I was wanting to push already) and sat down. I pushed for what seemed like minutes. I was told it was about 15 minutes because I would rest and wasn't pushing as hard as I could. (I don't think I was as comfy as I thought I would be!) I pushed the baby's head out and felt so much better! I went to rest before pushing his body out, and realized something didn't feel right. I had some pain about an hour earlier on my right side just over my placenta. My midwife told me to push. For the first time, she got forceful and told me to push harder. At this point, hubby leaned into my ear (which he had done several time before) and told me that I needed to start pushing had, and now. He hadn't steered me wrong, so I did. To this point, I hadn't cried out in pain, or screamed once. As I pushed that final time, I screamed. The pain seemed to split me in half. (I realize now that it was more of a release of all of the stress and frustration I had felt over the past hour or so coming out in that one symbolic scream. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself! :) )

Jason was in his mother's arms covered in blood, and staring at everyone around him. He wasn't crying, which made me nervous, but no one else seemed to care. I realized at that moment that something was wrong...but it was with me. I was told (or maybe they were telling DH...things were starting to get fuzzy) that I was getting a shot of Pit because I was bleeding heavily. I didn't even feel it...I saw it. I was told to push. I tried, but couldn't find the energy. I needed just a little break. DH again leaned into me, pushing me forward, held my hands and a little more forcefully told me to push. I started pushing. I knew it wasn't much...but I was trying. I don't remember a whole lot after that. I know I got another shot of Pit, and pushed a few more times. The placenta was delivered. I leaned back on hubby and the only thing I remember after that (for at least 20 or 30 minutes) was him holding me and telling me how amazing I was, and how proud he was of me. He held me there while we watched G & K fawn over their new son. I felt so content.

I was helped onto the bed, and laid there watching G nurse her son, while K cooed and grinned ear to ear. Hubby sat next to me holding my hand whispering affirmations and words of affection. I got to nurse little Jason for almost an hour. I'm shocked at how I feel about him. I just adore him...as though he were my nephew, or my best friend's baby. He and his parents hold a special place in my heart and always will. My husband, somehow, managed to get the picture I wanted. A picture of G mere seconds after the delivery of her son, grinning ear to ear. The picture makes me cry. The love in her eyes and joy on her face are the reason I did this. The emotions are so raw and so pure...nothing can compare.

I am home, resting comfortably now. I've fallen asleep twice while writing this. I guess it's time to take a nap. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I've never felt so proud of myself as I do today. Happy Memorial Day and Happy Birthday to Jason!

Interesting Night...

2009-05-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

It's just after 230am. I woke up from a horrible nightmare, crying.

In my nightmare, I was strapped to a hospital bed. My husband was tied up in the corner of the room. My IPs were standing over me and there medical personnel everywhere. My IM asked the doctor how much longer before I had the baby. The doctor said he didn't know. She looked at her watch and then my IF said he had to get back to work. They then decided that it would be better to do a C-section and take the baby out so everyone can get on with their lives.

I woke up as they were cutting me.

I can only assume this dream was a result of the phone call I received around 4pm. G wanted to know how I was feeling and when I thought I might deliver. I told her I was currently at Walmart and hadn't started the pumping/walking cycle to help further induce labor. I told her with the way I was feeling it would be tomorrow morning at the earliest. She said that they were trying to decide whether K should go to work or not. He had a 5 hour drive one way to get to work, and was worried that if he went, he'd miss the delivery. She also seemed frustrated that I hadn't started the pumping/walking cycle. I don't think she understands that for one full cycle I'm stuck in the house, pumping for over an hour, then walking for 20 minutes, and lastly resting for at least 45 minutes looking and timing contractions.

I have four kids. My first obligation is to them. I had to get them from school, and get some last minute things for dinner. Once I did that, I came home and did a cycle.

I had some contractions, but nothing that would send me running for the birth center thinking I was in labor and ready to deliver. Instead, I went to bed.

Once I woke from the nightmare, I went to the bathroom. When I wiped, there it was...

BLOODY SHOW! This usually means that birth is within 24-48 hours! Hopefully my next post will be my birth story!

Quick Update

2009-05-17T12:38:00.001-07:00

Did you know that your outer bag of waters could tear, leaking fluid, and then reseal itself?

I had no clue! So last night, when my water "broke" I was thrilled! It was ready. I called my midwife and my IPs and let them know what was going on. I had my instructions to rest, drink plenty of fluids and eat. When my contractions got stronger and so on, to come on in and we'd have a baby!

So I drank water as usual, ate my dinner, and after the kids went to bed, I went to bed. I woke up this morning still not having contractions...and no longer leaking fluid. I checked the towel I slept on again, and there was no fluid. I called my midwife and chatted with her. I chatted with my IPs and promised both I would let them know when things picked up.

Then about 15 minutes ago, when things still hadn't moved along, and I was starting to get nervous, I called my midwife to ask what I should do. This was when she told me that it sounded as though I just leaked some fluid and my bag of waters resealed itself.

So here's the course of action as of right now: First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to the birth center and they're going to check me to see if my water fully broke, or if it's all good and sealed up (or whatever). Then they're going to strip my membranes, give me some herbs and start me on a pumping routine. The routine that my midwife told me about today (with the herbs and pumping) usually causes women to go into labor within a few hours after they start. Considering I'm dilated to about a 3 (almost 4) and 90% effaced, my body's ready and it shouldn't take too long!

So tomorrow or Tuesday and this little boy should be making his appearance! Cross your fingers and say a prayer. I could use it. (Especially for the patience to wait for labor to begin!)

39 weeks...and I can't sleep

2009-05-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

So here I am, 39 weeks! Can you believe it?!?! As I sit here, unable to sleep because the baby is moving and I'm having contractions, I look back on what a wild journey this has been.

I remember when I first met G & K. I met them at Fuddrucker's. I took my youngest with me, as my oldest three were in school. My husband was asleep, because he works third shift. I remember how awkward I felt, sitting there at the table, getting to know this couple and their youngest daughter. Once we had gotten past the initial hellos and really started talking, we realized how much we had in common and felt at ease with each other.

Within hours of getting home, I received an email saying they wanted to work with me. I was so excited because I wanted so bad to help this couple. I had "matched" with another couple and they just kind of dropped off the face of the earth. They quit responding to me, and wouldn't even respond with the agency...so that fact that G & K responded to me regularly and quickly was a wonderful change. Add to that the fact that they had been through a surrogacy before, and knew what to expect, made things even better.

Since then it's been a roller coaster ride. Our first cycle was canceled because the embryos didn't survive the thaw. Our second cycle worked perfectly and resulted in this pregnancy. It's so exciting to think that with someone else's egg, and someone else's sperm, I became pregnant with a beautiful child.

Well, I'm finally getting tired! Hopefully I can go to sleep and dream about going into labor...and maybe wake up in labor! *shrugs*

Appointment with Midwife Today!

2009-05-12T16:27:00.000-07:00

So I had an appointment with my midwife today. Not a whole lot has changed. I'm dilated to a 2, but can be easily stretched to a 3, and am 80% effaced. I asked her to strip my membranes and she did. She said my bag of waters is bulging. G, my IM, is hoping I go into labor in the next day or two. Sam, my midwife, says she expects to see me next week at my appointment.

Even so, I'm still having prodromal labor. Today's contractions have been pretty steady at 17 minutes apart. Over the past 2 hours or so, they've felt like cramps and my back has been aching. This, although annoying, is a good a sign. If they get stronger, or if they get closer together and last longer, I'm to call Sam immediately and go in to get checked.

Here's to hoping!

Contractions and Back Labor

2009-05-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been having contractions on and off for a couple of weeks now. These are nothing like what I had with my last pregnancy. Those contractions actually sent me to the hospital three times in the last week. Maybe this time I'm just more cautious. I told hubby with my last two pregnancies I delivered in a hospital, so if I felt the need to go to labor and delivery, there were going to be nurses there...and they'd be there even if I didn't go. But this time, with delivering at a birthing center, I have to call the midwives, and have one of them come to the office...so if it's a false alarm, I've bothered them for no reason.

Because of that I have a checklist I go through. If I get through the entire checklist and am still having contractions, then I'll call the midwife. So if I have more then two contractions in 30 minutes, I:

Sit down, and relax with a glass of water. I may surf the Internet or watch TV. If contractions continue, go to #2.
I eat a snack...preferably something high in protein. If contractions continue, go to #3.
Take a nap. If contractions continue...
Go for a walk. If contractions continue, seriously start timing because I'm in real labor.

If I make it all the way through those four steps, yeah, it's go time. It's a matter of waiting for the contractions to get harder and closer together. Usually though by the time I even get to the nap phase, things have started to die down.

Last night I thought for sure was go time. I was having contractions every 7 minutes that lasted anywhere from 42 to 51 seconds. I got some lemon water (mmmm, lemon water!) and a granola bar. I rested and ate and drank. It didn't help. By 1230am I'm thinking I need to rest especially since it looks like I'm going to have a busy night ahead of me. I lay down on my left side and doze in and out of sleep. The last time I looked at the clock, it 2am. Next thing I know, my alarm is going off at 6am and I'm not having contractions. I was really tired though!

On top of that, I keep having horrible back pain. It comes and goes. The midwife has told me to sit on my birthing ball at home and that will help. Hubby's been making me sit on it off and on since she said that. Today, I was resting he again rubbed my hip and back and he dozed off.

He's been amazing through all of this. He's been so supportive. Even over the past week when I've needed more resting periods. He's gotten up from sleeping and made dinner so I didn't have to. He's the greatest.

Well, I'm getting tired. I'm going to go rest.

30 days left!

2009-04-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can hardly believe that we're so close to the day my IPs have been waiting for for so long! (And admittedly, I've been waiting for as well!) Today we are 35 weeks and 5 days!

I had an OB appointment yesterday with my soon-to-be former OB's office. My IM was there, but because they did the Group B Strep test, she wasn't back in the room with me when they listened to the heartbeat, etc. The baby is doing great. He's head down (or so I've been told, and that's how it feels...we haven't had an ultrasound since the one around 21 weeks). The doctor was measuring me when I had a contraction, so he decided to check my cervix. I'm about 1cm dilated...nothing to get super excited about. BUT...something is going on in there, and the OB said he expects me to live up to my typical birth, which is between 3 and 11 days before my due date. If I deliver 11 days before my due date, that makes the child's birth date Sunday May 10th. MOTHER'S DAY! I would love to give birth on Mother's Day! I know G would love to welcome her newest child into the world on her special day as well.

Speaking of delivering...G called and spoke with the birth center. After asking her questions of them, and finding out that she can indeed help deliver her child and then reading all the benefits of delivering without pain medication and minimal medical interventions, she set up an appointment for us to go speak with the ladies (midwives) there. I told my hubby that I found it hilarious. This entire journey G has let me set up the appointments and work with everyone's schedules...but this time she was so excited she set up the appointment for us. I was so glad! So the where and how of my delivery is settled. That makes me feel so much better! It's such a relief...and to know that G and K are so excited about this new change makes it so much easier.

I just had another contraction. Nothing major, but enough to make me stop and say "hmm". I figure that I'll have contractions on and off for the next week and a half...then I'll actually start having regular, time able contractions. (And I mean, I'll have one every 30-45 minutes lasting 30 seconds or so, until about a week later then they'll get closer and longer.) That's the way it went with my last pregnancy. Although it was tiring, I was so ready to deliver at that point, it didn't matter where or how I delivered, just so long as the constant contractions stopped!

So, I'll update again after my appointment with my midwives on Friday!

Are you serious?

2009-04-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a crazy week. My washing machine died. My water heater is heading the way of the washer...but we managed to fix it temporarily. (Hopefully it'll last at least another 3-6 months!)

On top of that, we're still trying to figure out the whole birthing situation. I called and talked to my IM, and just let her know that I had found a birth center, but my insurance didn't cover it, so that was out. She asked how much it was out of pocket and I told her. She said that she thought they could pay that and they were willing to do that. I was so excited and told her I'd email her the information. Well, that was Friday. I haven't heard from her since. No email. No phone call.

She had suggested that we rent a hotel room up in the Medical Center near the hospitals and I can labor there and then move to a hospital when I'm ready to push. The problem is, if I holler out in pain, or make too much noise, someone is going to call the front desk, or 911, and I'm going to be taken to the hospital before I'm ready. It's just not a smart solution.

So here I am on Sunday, waiting for the delivery guys to drop off my new washer and about two hours ago I started having contractions. I'm trying to relax and not think about the fact that I'm weeks away from delivery and there is no plan in place for where I'm going to deliver. Seriously, I'm so ready to just say I'm delivering here at home, and after the baby's born, we'll all head to the hospital. I'm just frustrated.

I'm a planner. I have to have a plan for darn near everything...especially something as important as this. To be this close to the end, and not have a clue what's going on, that's so hard on me. I feel anxious and frustrated. Everyone around me keeps saying not to worry about it, if worse comes to worse I can just deliver at the hospital we toured. The thing is, if I deliver there, I can almost guarantee I'm going to have feelings of resentment toward...well just about everyone. I'm already angry with my OB. Hubby and I have talked and I've told him that my OB is being fired at the soonest possible moment. Not that it matters. I found out that she's closing her doors to become a stay at home mommy...and I'm her last patient. Which now that I think about it is probably why she has no issues not seeing me again and pawning me off on who ever has a spot open in the office.

I just don't know. I need to get some more water and put my feet up.

Can't stop crying...

2009-04-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

So I think I blogged about my OB abandoning me with some other OB I've never met. Well, last night we went on the tour of the hospital. Let's just say I wasn't impressed, and in fact was scared. My IPs also weren't very happy. For starters, to even get in the hospital, you have to submit to a search (a pat down, and searching your bags). There are at least two guards at the entrance to the hospital, but you may still have to wait a while to get in.

Secondly, the hospital just seemed dirty. There were lights out in the ceilings, the elevators hadn't been mopped in a while. It just wasn't very welcoming.

We finally got upstairs to the Labor and Delivery department and walked around for nearly 10 minutes in and around patients' rooms, wandering around the open nursery (where three newborns were left unattended) and then found the lactation consultant. We spoke with her briefly, and then met the guy for the tour. The guy who did the tour told me that he received an email saying that I would be bringing extra guests with me, so he knew why I had an entourage. Then he start the tour by telling us where to park, and that we were not to bring anything with us. He must have said at least four or five times "DO NOT bring an over night bag." Finally he takes us back to a delivery room. The room barely fits four people, let alone our group of "tourists". He then says that in this room we are only allowed to have two people. He looks right at me when he says this. I already knew that I wasn't going to be allowed to have my husband and IPs in there. My OB basically told me that I wasn't going to have anything I wanted. He then goes on to say that we are not allowed to have any video equipment or cameras until after the baby is born and the doctor okays it. This means I don't get the precious pictures of my IPs the moment the baby is born.

We then go over to the post partum room and he continues to explain about visitors and how only one person can stay with me, and how I'm going to be in the hospital for at least two to three days depending on the delivery. This means I don't get to go home within 12 hours to rest and recoup at home...this also means that half the time my hubby doesn't get to stay with me, because the IPs and their family will take those "visitors" spaces.

The guy completely ignored questions from my IPs and only answered my questions and hubby's questions. We left the tour and decided that we would try to find something else that would better for us. As we walked outside we noticed something was wrong with our car...someone had vomitted on our car.

So last night, during my inability to sleep, I decided to try to find a better place to deliver. I found a birthing center right across the street from the hospital we toured, and next door to the hospital I usually go to for emergencies and such. I called my insurance who told me that they cover any birth center that has a licensed nurse on staff. I was thrilled. I called the birthing center and spoke with someone who gave me all the information I needed, told me that the birth plan I had written up was standard care for them and would be honored fully. I was so happy. I gave her my insurance information and then emailed my IM to let her know what I had found.

I got a phone call about an hour later saying that my insurance wouldn't cover me. The birthing center was considered out of network and wasn't covered...even though they met all the criteria set forth in my plan. They gave me the price of pre-natal care, labor and delivery, and 6 week post partum check up, which was all cheaper then what a hospital would be...but I know my IPs can't afford to pay out of pocket for it. I started crying. Hubby decided to call the insurance to find out what birthing centers were covered. The lady at the insurance company tells hubby that there aren't any birth centers in a 50 mile radius that they cover. She quit searching after that, and told hubby to have me deliver at a hospital.

I've been crying since. I now have to deliver in some small room without everyone important to me there. I will be stuck in bed with constant monitoring, an IV and not allowed to move. I won't be allowed to eat or drink for the time I'm there. I've also been told, per the tour last night, that as soon as I go into labor, I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything else.

So basically, I get to deliver the way someone else wants me to. I get to be tied to a bed, and end up having to have an epidural because I can't move to deal with my pain. This also means that I get to deal with the back labor I always have. I get to have the epidural migraine for days after delivery that I always get. I get to be starved and poked and prodded...all for someone else's comfort. Someone is going to have to miss the birth...and I have to make that decision. Either leave my husband out, or leave the father of the baby out. I have to use stirrups instead of holding my own legs to be more comfortable. I guess at this point I need to keep my blinders on and just keep reminding myself that as long as my IPs get there baby, I should keep my mouth shut and just deal with it.

Abandoned by my OB...

2009-04-13T13:54:00.000-07:00

I don't even know where to begin.

So about a month ago, my OB tells me I need to come back in two weeks. I'm thinking "Woohoo! I'm finally into the appointments every two weeks!" This is a huge milestone in a pregnancy. It means you're nearing the end of the road, and you'll soon see the product of all your hard work, etc. So I go out to the front desk and set up my next appointment two weeks out...only to find out that my OB is going on vacation for two weeks and won't be back until the following week. So my appointment was actually three weeks away. Ok, fine.

The following appointment ends and I'm told, "I'll see you in two weeks!" (This was a Thursday, because Tuesdays and Thursdays are the best for us.) We go out to make an appointment before we leave and low and behold we're told..."Dr. V has closed her clinic during the week. The only day she's open for appointments now is on Friday." Wait? What? How is that convenient for anyone other then the doctor?

Ok, fine, we're over a barrell...just deal with it. Then this past Friday I had an appointment, was shuffled straight from the exam room into the plebotemist's area and took off before I had a chance to make my next appointment. So today I call to set up an appointment...and the other shoe drops.

My OB's office is going to be closed for the Fiesta holiday on Friday April 24th, when I'm supposed to have my next appointment. Besides that, my OB is going on vacation until the week before my due date. So now I'm being told I have to see another OB on Monday April 20th. After that, who knows what's going to happen. The receptionist said that I'm going to have to see whatever OB is available around the time of my appointments. I asked her about what would happen if I go into labor before my OB gets back into town. She told me that I would be at the mercy of whatever OB was on call at the hospital. When I asked her if she knew what OB would be on call at the hospital (the one I've never been to, and am told I have to go to because it's the only hospital my OB has priveleges at) I was told she wasn't sure because they rotated with two other offices! I may not even have a doctor from my OB's office!

WTF! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

I feel as though my OB has just abandoned me. When I talked to her over a year ago about being a surrogate one of the things we talked about was if she was going to still be in practice. She was about to have a baby and I wondered if she was going to want to stay home. She said no, she would be here through the entire pregnancy, not to worry about it. And here we are now. She's closing her practice and spends more time on vacation then she does taking care of her remaining patients. Seriously, if you're going to be done with it all, at least tell me so I can find a new OB and have to do it within the last month of my pregnancy when things are stressful enough.

In it for the money...

2009-04-12T08:31:00.001-07:00

I'm so sick of people saying that surrogates are only in it for the money. There may be a surrogate somewhere who only did her journey for the money she received but by and large, surrogates do it because they truly care about others.

I'm tired of looking through ads in my search for new IPs only to read ad after ad saying "We're looking for a surrogate who really cares and isn't in it for the money." Are you kidding me? No amount of money would make me want to regularly shove needles in my body for months on end. No amount of money would make me want to suffer the heart ache of a failed cycle, a miscarriage, D&C or any other thing that could go wrong while trying to get pregnant. And what about the aches and pains of daily pregnancy? What about the pain of labor and delivery? What if you have to have a C-section? How about bedrest? Even if you don't have mandatory bedrest at the end of pregnancy, most doctors put you on at least two days of bedrest right after transfer. How much is it worth to miss time away from your husband and kids?

Would you change your whole life, and take time away from your family and friends, risking your life and who knows what else just for a couple thousand dollars?

Yeah, surrogates do it for the money...like we couldn't get a dang job that paid better and came with way less risks, aches and pains.

Quick Update...Labor scare

2009-04-07T06:40:00.000-07:00

This is going to be short and sweet. I'm just too tired to give a big long update.

For two days now I've had some pain in my back and cramping. I've been super busy and had a ton of energy though. The kids, hubby and I completely cleaned the mini-van. I took it to the car wash and scrubbed it top to bottom. I vacuumed the inside (which if you've ever tried to waddle around in a mini-van while 33+ weeks pregnant, it's not easy!)

I cleaned and began organizing the house...or at least two rooms in the house...top to bottom. I put together a shelving unit for the family room. I cleaned the kitchen and was a supervisor as my daughter cleaned the bathroom. (It's the only room I can't clean anymore. There are no windows and I worry about the chemicals.)

On top of that, I've been dealing with school. First off, the only parking lot with spaces available is about 1/2 mile away from my building. So I walk 1/2 mile to my building, take the elevator to the third floor, walk all the way to the other side of the building, then all the way back after class. I go down one floor, and then (luckily) two doors down to my second class. Once that's done, I walk the 1/2 mile back to my car. It's exhausting! Well yesterday, I was running late, and only planned on dropping off my test and coming home to rest. I had to park in the very back of that parking lot. This meant walking 3/4 of a mile to get to the building, getting to the classroom...and then having the professor tell me that he meant to text me back and let me know not to bother coming cause he was extending the due date on our test. I wanted to cry. I walked the 3/4 mile back to the car. At this point, the cramping is bad! When I sat down in the car, I felt something wet in my pants. I nearly freaked out!

I rushed home, got to the bathroom and realized there was some watery discharge. (It was still mucus-like, but more watery then normal.)

I came out to the couch and laid down to rest a little. I had, after all, only gotten four hours of sleep the night before. I ended up sleeping all day. I fell asleep around 930 am and woke up at 230pm. I called the doctor to ask what I should do about the back pain/slightly cramping and the discharge. I was told to rest on the couch with my feet up for a bit and see if that helped. If it didn't, then I was supposed to go to the hospital's labor and delivery. I called my IM, G, and let her know what was going on.

Needless to say, after getting some sleep, and then resting the remainder of the evening, I was feeling much better. My IM offered to get me anything I needed, including a house keeper. I told I would be just fine, and promised not to do as much until the baby is born.

I keep forgetting I'm not a kid anymore. I need to get more rest. (which when the kid is most active at night is hard to do!) Anyway, I'm going to try to take a nap on the couch for now.

230 down...50 left to go

2009-03-31T05:57:00.000-07:00

I am 32w5d pregnant. We are in our final weeks of pregnancy! I can't believe it!

I've been having Braxton-Hicks contractions almost daily. I had a bit of a scare yesterday when I had a Braxton-Hicks and felt some discharge. I was in math class. I left the lecture quickly (not that my idiot of a math professor was saying anything that was actually useful to, well, anything). When I got to the bathroom I realized I lost more of my mucous plug. (Yep, there's that famous little glob of mucous, rearing it's ugly head!)

The baby has begun to drop. I am carrying low anyway, but when he dropped I could (still can, and will until I deliver) feel him hitting my pelvis. My hips are widening and I've officially started "the pregnancy waddle".

On the plus side, we're nearly there! I have 50 days left before my due date! As I am typing this, I'm watching the baby's knee, or possibly his foot, ripple across my belly. It's amazing to think that in a few short weeks, this little chunky monkey is going to come into this world and complete a family who, even a year or two ago, wasn't sure if they would have a child. And I helped, in some small way, to create this family.

Well, I am going to go take a nap before I try finishing all the things I have to do today. I need to call the hospital to schedule our tour of labor and delivery! Before I go...here's a picture (taken two days ago) of my ever growing belly.

...I don't want to hear any comments about me being in my PJs still. I'm pregnant, cut me some slack! Oh! And absolutely no comments on the road map I'm creating on my stomach. I figure if I create a road map in stretch marks, I'll never get lost!

Have a great day!

Off of bedrest...but only for a day!

2009-03-26T16:48:00.000-07:00

So Tuesday I had my appointment and the doctor said that I passed diabetes test. My iron is low, which we knew, but it's no longer so low I need to force myself to eat meat AND take iron pills. I can just take the iron pills. Everything looks great. I'm getting big! I've gained 5 pounds since my last appointment two weeks ago.

That was Tuesday.

Today, DH and I picked up the kids from school and ran to the store to grab some last minute things before dinner. While there, I had to use the restroom. (Hey, I have a 4lb bouncing bundle of joy right on my bladder...) I went into the restroom and realized I had bled a little. And by a little I mean there barely anything, but still enough to take note of. I came out of the restroom and called the doctor's office. The nurse practitioner told me to go home, and put my feet up. The only reason I would be allowed up would be to use the restroom. She told me it's probably nothing, but to be on the safe side, kick my feet up and let someone else take care of me.

So here I am. Laying in bed. Bored. I watched Twilight with my middle daughter. I ate dinner, and now I'm surfing the internet. I'm getting tired, so I'll probably fall asleep here before too long. I keep telling myself it's all worth it, but it's kind of frustrating. I feel super guilty for taking time away from my husband and kids. DH keeps telling me it's ok, and not to feel bad, but I still feel bad.

Quick Update

2009-03-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

So yesterday we went for the 3D/4D ultrasound. My IM made it with the kids, but my IF, IM's mom and sister weren't able to make it. The baby, which since the ultrasound I have affectionately dubbed Chunky Monkey, barely has any room in there. He kept his face buried in my placenta. (I've had guys bury their faces in a lot of my stuff...but my placenta is a new one! HEHE)

His cheeks are already filled out. He was opening his eyes, and his mouth. He showed us his little hands. OH! And he has a full head of hair! Which if I believed in old wives tales and the fact that kids with hair give heartburn, I would have told you months ago. Actually I think I did say that months ago!

I think the most amazing thing though was the fact that you could look at the pictures of him, and then look at his sister who was sitting on the couch, and they look so much alike! It's uncanny!

As for the 4D, the actual moving pictures, he moved plenty. They took over 30 minutes of video of Chunky Monkey rolling around. His parents are so thrilled. I'm so glad to have given that to them.

After the ultrasound, we went out to eat. Us three adults with 6 kids! The waitress asked which kids belonged to who...I pointed out our 4 kids. My IM pointed out her two, then pointed at my belly and said "This one is mine too!" The waitress kinda looked at us and said "Oh." To which I responded, "Yep, she got me pregnant! This one is hers!" G seemed to just love it! She emailed and said she had a great time. I'm so glad she did.

On a more personal note, today was my kids' Kite Day at school. I went to take pictures as one of the photographers for the yearbook. I was outside, on my feet, all day...and I forgot to put on sunscreen. So needless to say, I got sun burnt...very bad. Now I have sun poisoning, on top of being dehydrated and aching from head to toe. Right now, I'm laying in bed, hoping that bed time comes sooner rather then later so I can take another Tylenol.

Oh well, that's what I get for not paying attention to my own body.

Well, that's about it for now. I have another OB appointment on Tuesday. Hopefully we'll learn something new...like exactly how big the baby is at this point.

More updates soon!

Bedrest...are you kidding me?!?!

2009-03-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Well, last week the doctor ordered me on "modified bedrest". I'm supposed to be taking it easy. When I'm sitting, I need to have my feet up. Absolutely no lifting. I have to take my blood pressure regularly and keep track of it so as not to go over 140/90. (My average is 120/60.) I'm also having issues with my blood pressure dropping below 90/50. The doctor isn't sure why my blood pressure is all over the place, but it is.

So I was doing very well just relaxing and trying to let DH and the kids deal with everything. Then this morning, I got up, made Monkey Bread for the kids' breakfast and went to sit on the couch. DH came home, pulled out the Monkey Bread and got some for the kids. My back was aching a bit, and I was just thinking I had slept wrong. I got up to use the bathroom and when I was there, I realized I had started to lose my mucus plug. I called the doctor (completely forgetting my OB was on vacation) and the on call doctor called me back. He had no clue what was going on with me, and wasn't aware of anything regarding my case. I caught him up to speed (plus I think he had used the computer to log into the office and pull up my records or something) and he told me that at this point he wants me to rest with my feet up. For the rest of the day I'm allowed to sit on the couch, and go to the bathroom. That's it. No other anything.

That's all well and good, except for the fact that DH works third shift and is passed out in bed already. I have four kids and the youngest had surgery just over a week ago. I think the kids are going to have pizza for lunch. Either that, or I'm going to have to trust that one of my children can make lunch...so pizza it is! The other thing I'm worried about is that I have school tomorrow. I can miss one day if needed, but if I'm on put on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy, then I'm going to have to drop out of school. That hurts, but I can't think about that right now.

This little one is so active today! He's been flipping and flopping around since about 8am. The doctor says that's a really good sign, and the main reason why I haven't been asked to go to the hospital yet. He's reassured me that it's prefectly normal to lose my mucus plug this early and it doesn't necesarrily mean that I'm going to go into labor. He's more worried about my blood pressure readings from the past three days. (It's been all over the charts with the highest being 151/98 and the lowest being 83/41.) My diet has been altered and I'm being told to add red meat to my diet. (Last time I was just asked to add it, now I have to add it!) I also need to add foods high in potassium, like bananas, melons, kiwi, oranges, milk, and spinach. Most of these things I'm eating already, but apparently because I was exercising regularly (for at least one hour a day 6 days a week) up until a few weeks ago, my potassium levels are low, which could be causing the issues with my blood pressure (in addition to the diarhea I had the beginning of the week). At least that was my understanding from what he was saying.

So anyway, I'm stuck laying here on the couch. The good thing...the kids are being great. They're upstairs playing quietly! There's a first for everything!

29 week appointment

2009-03-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

So I had an OB appointment yesterday. My IM was running just a little bit late. She came in just after we listened to the heartbeat, so I asked my wonderful OB if we could listen again. She said yes. Initially the baby's heart rate was in the 140s. After his mom arrived though, he got super active and his heart rate dropped slightly to the high 130s.

I finished drinking my "kool-aid" for the gestational diabetes test and then we had to sit around for an hour before they could draw blood. It was nice though because we were able to sit and chat and catch up. My poor IM! She's an accountant and because it's tax season she's been so busy! It was great seeing her just relax and us being able to talk for the first time in a while.

We then went and had the blood drawn and parted ways...but not before we got some pictures. She got a new picture of me (an awesome belly shot) and then we got some great pictures of us together.

I got a phone call from the OB's office and I am slightly anemic. I need to add some red meat to my diet...which considering this entire pregnancy I've been so close to being vegan that now to add red meat...I just don't know if I can do that. It has nothing to do with morals or anything like that. I just don't like the taste of most red meats. My hubby is going to buy me tacos for lunch, so I have the ground beef. I guess I'll survive and eat it...even though I'd rather have a salad and a smoothie. The other thing the OB told me was that any time I'm sitting, I need to have my feet up. I've been having issues with swelling this pregnancy. My blood pressure has also started going up. That in and of itself is nerve wracking! My usual is 120s/60s...yesterday it was 147/90. They waited 20 minutes and rechecked and I was down to 129/68, so it was better. I'm still being told though that I need to take it easy and quit trying to do everything. OH! And I was also told I need to quit wearing high heels all the time. I was told once a week was more then enough. I then reminded my OB that I am Mrs. San Antonio and have obligations to my crown and appearances to make...she told me to make them in flats. I guess I have to comply because the last thing I want to do is put this baby in jeopardy.

We have a 4D ultrasound in two weeks. I can't wait to do that. G, my IM, has invited her mom and sister to the ultrasound to meet me. I can't wait to meet them. I also have little gifts for G & K's son and daughter. Just little t-shirts that say "I'm the BIG sister" and "I'm the BIG brother" They're cute!

Well, that's about it!

Third Tri!

2009-02-22T06:58:00.000-08:00

We're officially in the third trimester! Today I am 27w3d. I'm so excited to be in the home stretch! We have 88 days to go...

Unfortunately, with that mere 88 days comes some hardships that 99% of pregnancies face. I've started having trouble sleeping...even more then I was having before. I just can't get comfy. When I finally do fall asleep, I have to wake up shortly there after to go to the bathroom. Then about 30 minutes later I wake up because I'm parched and need a drink. Then the cycle repeats itself about three more times through out the night.

I'm so glad my husband has been letting me take naps whenever I need them. (When he's awake himself of course...one of the curses of him working third shift.) He's been trying so hard to help out around the house and with the kids. Speaking of kids...my youngest is having surgery on Wednesday. Nothing serious. She's having tubes put in her ears, and her tonsils and adenoids out. I'm trying not to stress but it's hard when you're worried about your little one. She's been eating like a horse lately. I think she's going through a growth spurt...which is going to make it harder when she can't eat much. She is thrilled though that the doctor ordered her to eat ice cream and Popsicles for a week straight.

Well, I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday so I'll update then!

Only 95 days to go!

2009-02-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

Wow! I can't believe it! Our third trimester starts on Thursday...and on top of that, we're in double digits for days left in the pregnancy!

It's been an amazing journey so far. We had some interesting issues at the start of the pregnancy when a hurricane rolled through and we didn't get test results back. (Speaking of which, I still haven't gotten those BETA numbers! *shrugs*) In fact, they ordered the wrong test, then the right one, and I never got the results.

Then I had horrible morning sickness, to the point where I had issues getting out of bed without feeling sick. Thank goodness for Zofran! I don't know what I would have done without it. (Actually I do...I would have gotten very, very sick!)

Then I injured my shoulder on the minivan. I still can't believe I tried to stop the van door from opening. I learned a very painful lesson that day.

But beyond those few things, this pregnancy has been good.

I sent my IPs an invitation the other day for a 4D ultrasound. I'm so excited! I got them a big package at the ultrasound place that gives them a DVD and a package of pictures of the baby. I'll be about 31 weeks when we have the ultrasound done, so they'll get some really good pictures of the baby. It'll also give them a really good idea of what the baby will look like. I can't wait to see the look on G's face when she sees her son!

I got some really cute maternity clothes the other day. I bought some clothes off of Rockstar Moms. I have a Rolling Stones tube top, and an AC/DC halter now. I also have a tube dress. Hubby bought me two multi-way dresses, one in red and one in black.

On Thursday I went and got a massage. It was great! I've never felt so relaxed! I'm planning on going back in about three or four weeks for another one. I'm going to have a mani/pedi day in the next week or two. It's been really nice to be able to pamper myself lately...especially considering I have a three page paper due on Wednesday and a 7-10 page research paper due in a few weeks. I have a test in Math on the 25th, the same day as my youngest daughter's surgery.

Speaking of which...my youngest daughter is having surgery on Wednesday February 25th. Nothing too major. She's having tubes put in her ears, and having her tonsils and adenoids removed. I think we're more nervous then she is. She's thrilled about having ice cream for almost a whole week afterward.

So that's about it. Hopefully I'll have more to report in a couple of weeks!

2009-02-10T05:54:00.000-08:00

So not much has been going on. I'm getting bigger and it's obvious, to me at least, that the baby is growing stronger. I made a video a couple of weeks ago for my IPs. I set the TV remote on my belly when the baby was moving and recorded him kicking it and making it move. My IM loved it!

I haven't bee getting much sleep lately. The baby moves at night when I'm trying to fall asleep and then I wake around 2 or 3 am to go to the bathroom and then eat.

Speaking of eating...I'm still eating super healthy. I haven't had red meat in several weeks. I'm munching on fruits and veggies if I need a snack. I've been drinking my protein shakes religiously. Last night in our spaghetti, we had pork sausage, so that helps too.

Beyond that, not much going on with the pregnancy. I'm surprising my IPs with a 4D ultrasound. I have to get the invitations sent out today. I can't wait to see my IPs faces when they get to see a great picture of their son!

2009-01-31T15:02:00.000-08:00

So not a lot has been happening lately. I'm just over 24 weeks now. I had an appointment on Tuesday, but my IM couldn't make it. Nothing really important happened, so it wasn't a big deal. The baby's heart rate was in the 150s, as usual. I've gained 6lbs since the last appointment 5 weeks ago. My blood pressure was perfectly normal.

I went out and bought a maternity belt because I'm having round ligament pain...or at least that's what the doctor said it was. I've had round ligament pain, and this feels like I pulled my abdominal muscle. I've also bought some more clothes for myself. I need to find someone who can make me some formal dresses, and help me alter some suits and other outfits.

Which leads me to my exciting news of the month...

I am the new Mrs. San Antonio. Yep, I have the crown, sash and everything. This is why I need some formal dresses and to have my clothes tailored. I'll be making appearances through out the rest of my pregnancy. Then, three weeks after my EDD, I have the state pageant. That should be interesting. I need to have a dress that fits wonderfully, and doesn't make me look too fat. The one thing I figure I'll have going for me is the fact that with a cincher, or corset, my waist will look smaller...especially considering I will breastfeeding and my milk will have come in. My boobs will be huge and my waist will be smaller. *shrugs*

So that's about it. Nothing exciting going on.

Not a whole lot going on...

2009-01-15T06:03:00.000-08:00

Howdy all!

Things have been relatively quiet lately. I started school, and had some issues with a girl in one of my classes. My professor, one I had taken a couple of times before, overstepped his boundaries and announced to the class that I was a surrogate. This girl in my class made some comments in class, then after class she made even ruder comments to me. The school and the professor dealt with the situation though, and I won't have to deal with the girl in class again. I may still see her after class because her new English class is right next door to mine, and right after mine. I'm sure she'll be standing out there as I'm leaving. Hopefully there won't be any problems. We'll see.

The baby is doing great. He's kicking up a storm! My youngest daughter, my husband and most importantly, G, my IM have all felt the baby move. He's a strong little bugger! I have another OB appointment here soon. I figure it'll be the status quo...nothing exciting happens in the next couple of few weeks, other then the baby getting bigger! I'm not growing a whole lot. With that being said, I stepped on the scale this morning and I've gained 15lbs since starting meds the beginning of August. The baby, although on the big side, is measuring within normal limits, so I shouldn't complain! I'm barely showing, and if I wear my favorite sweatshirt, people don't even know. It's so funny, because even as I write this, I'm wearing my sweatshirt, and the baby is kicking the snot out of me! And you can barely see my baby bump! It's weird because this is thee smallest I've ever been in any of my pregnancies, but this will probably be the biggest baby I've ever had!

Well, that's all I have for now. As soon as I have my next OB appointment I'll update.

It's A...

2009-01-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

So we had the ultrasound today. The baby is growing like a weed. The baby weighs 14oz. (approximately) and measures right on target. We got to see all ten fingers, and all ten toes. It was an amazing sight when the baby rolled slightly to the side. The baby twice kicked the ultrasound scanner right on. The baby didn't like to be poked at, lol!

So I'm sure you've noticed I keep saying "The baby" when normally I would say "he" or some similiar word. This is because I want to keep the gender a surprise for just another couple of minutes...oh, who am I kidding, some secrets are meant to be shared!

G&K are having *drum roll* A BOY! And this little boy is quite the exobitionist. He rolled slightly and spread his legs. The tech had barely put the scanner on my belly and there was his little winkie for the world to see. She took a picture of him laying sideways so you could see him, his legs, and his "boy parts". She put an arrow pointing and typed "IT'S A BOY!" G is going to scan one of the pictures and send it to K (he's out of town)...after he tries to guess, she going to send him the one that says "IT'S A BOY!"

I'm so excited for them! I'm going to go out sometime this week (probably while I'm at the mall getting some support hose...stupid vericose veins are starting show!) and buy him a little outfit, and probably bear or something. I'm so excited for them!

Things that go BUMP in the night...

2009-01-04T11:05:00.000-08:00

So as is common for me, especially when pregnant, I get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, or get a drink. More often then not, when I'm pregnant, I also eat.

My husband, who works third shift, finds it funny when I come stumbling out of the bedroom at all hours of the night and make my way to the kitchen. Last night was no exception. Now let me start by explaining that I sleep "au naturale"...I just can't stand the feel of PJ's while trying to sleep. Secondly, as I mentioned earlier, I get up in the middle of the night...this is far different from waking up in the middle of the night. When I get up, I'm somewhat awake, but certainly not enough to make any major decisions or operate any heavy machinery.

Back to last night...

I remember getting up and using the restroom. The baby, in his typical fashion, was bouncing on my bladder. I'm almost certain these days he does it out of spite...perhaps as pay back for eating spicy foods, or anything Italian. (More on that later!) So I make it to the restroom, and suddenly realize I'm parched and must have a drink. Still wondering if I'm in a dream and at the same time trying to figure out why a family friend was in my dreams and what that all meant, I stumble out my bedroom door, and into the hallway. My bedroom is just off of the living room...and our floor plan boasts an open living room and kitchen area. So I stumble out of the bedroom, dressed in what God gave me, turn down the "hallway" and immediately into the kitchen. This is a path I have taken literally hundreds of times before. Sometimes my journey ends when I get a drink...but sometimes I feel the urge to eat anything I can get my hands on. There have been mornings when I wake to realize the last yogurt cup has been eaten, or I had carrots or some other fresh fruit/veggie. Luckily I've never tried to actually cook something. (There's a recipe for disaster. Splattering grease, naked pregnant body...half asleep woman trapped in naked pregnant body...enough said.)

So there I am, in the kitchen. I stop at the refrigerator and get the chocolate milk out. I chug it for...well, I take a nice long drink. I replace the lid, say goodnight to my husband and walk back to the bedroom. Since Christmas, we've had a couple of rolls of wrapping paper behind our door that I need to take care of. So I get to the bedroom, and open the door. I apparently open it much harder then I had expected to, because the door bounced off the wrapping paper rolls, and back at me as I was walking through the door. The door hit me in the head, which fully woke me up. I turn around and from what I can see (because I don't have my glasses on and I'm nearly blind without them) hubby is desperately trying not to laugh at me. He asks if I'm OK...and all I can manage is "I walked into the door." I'm sure I sounded like a 3 year old whining to her daddy...but it hurt, and I was tired. I stood there rubbing my eyes for a few minutes...at which point I turned and promptly walked into the door again.

It was at this point that I heard DH do that laugh that you can try to pass off as a sneeze. You know the one you do when you're trying really hard not to laugh. Yep, that's the one I hear from across the living room. I just walked into the bedroom and went back to bed. I'm sure my husband had a good laugh at my expense...and I'm sure it won't be the last time I walk into the door.

So, an update on the baby. We have an ultrasound tomorrow to find out if there's a girl or a boy in there. As many have seen, I keep saying "he", "him", and so on, but we don't know for sure. The baby has been super busy moving around in there and just being generally active. Throughout this pregnancy I've had issues with eating garlic, but have more recently added nearly any Italian food to the list. Especially red sauces...those give me horrible heartburn! The baby doesn't like these at all, and if I try to eat them, I swear he tries to get out through my belly button just to escape the food.

We went to court on Friday for the PBO. The judge granted it without hesitation. He said his daughter had to use a surrogate because she can't carry a pregnancy. It was kind of nice having a judge who understood the process and why we were there on a personal level.

Well, that's about it. I'll have a huge update tomorrow! (And I'll include pictures!)

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-30T08:57:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while since I've updated! I'm sorry! The month and half (or so) from Thanksgiving to New Year's is always crazy, but when you add to that four kids one of which has been sick on and off, plus pregnancy with an injury, things start to get really crazy!

Speaking of the shoulder injury, I'm healing quickly and doing very well. I don't need to have surgery any time soon, so that's a blessing. (I will eventually have to have surgery, but it isn't anything too serious and can wait until after I have the baby.) I'm doing much better at typing and can even use a mouse that it's independent of my laptop now.

The baby is doing wonderful! We have an appointment on January 5th for an ultrasound...not just any ultrasound, but THE ultrasound. We'll find what G&K are having.

The little bean has been moving almost non-stop for a couple of weeks now. My youngest enjoys sitting on the couch next to me and putting her hand on my belly waiting for the baby to kick. She hasn't felt anything yet, but soon she will. She can't wait! It's great to see her so excited about it.

That's pretty much where we are right now. I'm going to have to get a good belly shot and post it so you all can see how much I've grown. Once we get the ultrasound, I'll post that too. Well, I'm off...the kids are yelling for their lunch, so I need to get the something before they starve to death!

Oi Vey!

2008-11-30T14:11:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone and the Christmas Holidays are in full swing. I haven't updated this in a while because I injured my shoulder and it was taking forever to type...plus it hurt something fierce.

Before I go any further I want to post a warning for any parents out there who have a mini-van with those automatic sliding doors. You know the ones. They're awesome because you can just hit a button and they open on their own. I know how convenient they are. Heck, that's part of the reason I bought my mini-van! BUT, don't assume they're always going to work correctly. Ours are supposed to stop moving at the first sign of resistance. That way, if something is caught in the doorway, it stops and doesn't crush it. Well, we had told our daughter not to open the door until we said it was ok. She didn't listen, and opened it anyway. I was sitting in the passenger's seat and I reached, with my right hand, over my head and grabbed the handle of the door. (It has handles at the top of the door, by the window.) I pulled on it, attempting to stop it. It didn't stop. It bucked/jumped and continued going backward. This motion caused my arm to become dislocated. I let go and leaned forward (because I thought I was going to be sick) and re-located my arm. (This isn't the first time I've dislocated that arm. The doctor said it's normal for a person to be able to relocate their own arm if they've dislocated it a couple of times before.) In the process (after an MRI, they realized) I also have a hairline fracture in my humerus, and partially torn ligaments. I'm in physical therapy and am healing nicely.

Ok, now onto the good stuff! I had an OB appointment this past week. The baby's heartbeat was in the 150s. I'm measuring right on track. My weight is the same as my appointment 1 month ago. Although the doctor would like to see me gain weight, she says I seem to be doing ok, so she's not really worried about it right now. I have an appointment on January 2nd and at that time, we'll find out the sex of the baby! I'm so excited! I think I know what we're having, but I've been known to be wrong before. (Don't tell my husband I said that!)

I've been feeling the little bean moving around in there. I feel him more when my bladder is full. My bladder seems to be his favorite spot to kick. I guess he's preparing me for the months to come!

Well, that's all I have for now. As soon as I have more to tell, you can bet I'll be on here posting for the couple of people who drop by to check on me. (Thanks ladies! I really appreciate you caring enough to see how I'm doing!)

Knock on Wood...

2008-11-17T13:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm kind of nervous posting this, but I've gone two days without morning sickness.

*knock on wood*

And then today...I managed two 10 minute naps. I was writing my research paper and dozed off on the couch both times. Hey, it's a research paper...maybe that was why I fell asleep and had nothing to do with the pregnancy! I like that idea. Maybe the second trimester is going to be better after all! *knock on wood*

On a different note, I've been sleeping really well lately. I have some really weird and vivid dreams, but I'm sleeping well! I really, really, more than anything, miss riding my motorcycle. I keep hoping that I have a dream about riding, because at least that might satisfy my need to ride. I told my IM I was actually glad I sold my bike because it would be too tempting having it sitting there in the garage. Hubby's bike is sitting out there...but I can't ride his as he is taller then me.

We had our last appointment with the RE on Saturday. I've officially been released to my regular OB! I'm also off of medication now. The nurse said she was impressed that I've only gained 3lbs since the transfer. I've gained a total of 14lbs since I started meds. I figure I'm doing really well. I'm eating fairly healthy...even though I prefer eating out to eating at home. Even when I do eat out though, I'm eating things like salads, or only getting sides (ie mashed potatoes, green beans, applesauce and a salad...that's my order at Texas Roadhouse!)

I keep feeling flutters and swear the little one is beginning to wiggle. When we had our appointment on Saturday my IM said the baby didn't stop moving the whole time. He looks great. He's growing right on track and, like I said before, moves all over the place.

We had lunch with my IPs on Saturday. The four of us and our combined 6 kids. (My four, their two.) It was great. I got to learn even more about my IM. She enjoys playing Guitar Hero. I was shocked. She doesn't strike me as the type...then again, most people don't think I'm singer, enjoy writing, riding motorcycles and playing an MMORPG. I'm a cool geek.

So that's my update.

Woot! We're in the 2nd tri!

2008-11-12T08:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I managed to make into the second trimester! Yeah me!

I went to bed Monday night with expectations of waking refreshed, hungry and ready to tackle the day. Let me say, just because you're in the second trimester, doesn't mean that suddenly all the first trimester stuff goes away. (Wouldn't it be great if that were the case?) I woke up Tuesday morning with a horrible migraine. I was hungry, but I also felt nauseous...that was just because I hadn't eaten in like 8 or so hours.

Other then that, I'm doing pretty good. I've finally found a great, comfortable way to sleep...but it only works when hubby is at work. (He works third shift.) So this afternoon, when he wakes up, we're going to go buy me at least one, maybe two new pillows so I can sleep better, even when he's home.

My IPs are great. G has been so worried that I'm going to need something and not ask her for it. Everytime she writes, she lets me know if there is anything I need, to let her know so she can get it for me. I keep telling her that there's nothing I need, and I'm doing great.

Speaking of the baby and my IPs. I can't wait for the baby to start moving so I can let them know. It'll be one of the first milestones in our pregnancy.

Other than that, not much to report. I've been feeling rather alone. Most of my family (extended: parents, siblings, etc.) have quit talking to me. Hubby says to just keep smiling because I'm content with my decision to be a surrogate, and am thrilled to be helping my IPs, and that's all that matters. I'm doing alright. It's not like we talked much anyway. More then anything, I wish I had an experienced surro to bounce ideas and questions off of...this pregnancy is so different then any of my others, and there are somethings I'm feeling that...well, it's different, and I wondered if it's normal.

Well, if you're actually reading this, thank you. It's nice to know that someone actually does care. If you didn't make it this far...I'm sorry to have bored you so much.

Long Overdue Update

2008-10-21T05:47:00.000-07:00

I really need to start updating this thing regularly. I had been doing really well, then I got pregnant and, well...I forgot just how exhausting it is to be pregnant!

So I had another ultrasound. That's it over there. G & K swear it's a boy...and since I was wrong about the twins, and I keep calling it a girl...chances are they're right! Who knows though? We'll see in a few more weeks. I'm 10 weeks along today (so I guess it'll be more like 10 more weeks or so before we know what they're having!)

I tell you, I absolutely love seeing the look on G & K's faces when they see the baby on the little ultrasound screen. The sheer joy on G's face is wonderful!
Well, the sheer exhaustion I've been feeling seems to be lifting. Yesterday I was able to get laundry started, and unload, then reload and start the dishwasher. I also got the kids off to school during that time. Of course then I had to rest on the couch...but I didn't fall asleep! I know it sounds silly, but it's a huge accomplishment for me.

My kids haven't been feeling well. There has been a horrible flu bug going around, and they've all gotten it. Because of that, I've been up at nights. I'm still trying to recover from the lost sleep, but I seem to be moving in the right direction.

And lastly, on a sadder note, I was very hurt by someone I considered a close friend when they compared me being a surrogate to being a paid employee, and then, just seconds later to a whore. I knew surrogacy wasn't going to go over well with everyone in my life. My own mother seems to want to take the out of sight, out of mind approach. Never once though has she degraded me, or what I am doing. This "friend" managed, in less then 30 seconds, to say I had a job (to carry their baby) and then comment on how I was getting paid too much considering I wasn't on my back long enough. I have never discussed my compensation with anyone. No one knows how much or how little I am getting paid, or if I'm getting paid at all.

Sadly, that friend just called me (actually his wife called) she's at 7cm and is about ready to deliver and they need my help with some things. It hurts that I couldn't even get an apology from them before they demand things of me.

How many calories a day extra?

2008-10-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

Things are going well with the baby and I. I've been trying to get as much rest as possible, but I feel like I'm constantly exhausted! I wake up every morning and get the kids off to school, only to come home and fall back asleep on the couch.

Today, in addition to the exhaustion, I've added a somewhat new symptom. The way I eat. I got up this morning, got the kids ready for school and ate a bowl of cereal. I took them to school, came home, and ate a banana. I fell asleep on the couch watching Rachael Ray, only to be woke up by a bunch of screaming middle age women. (Did you know that New Kids on the Block had made a comeback?) And then I had half a cucumber. I talked with hubby, did some dishes, then ate the other half of the cucumber.

I'm getting ready to leave for school before too long, and I'll take a cut up orange with me, as well as a belly bar and a protein shake.

The point is, I'm not eating a whole lot at any one time, but a little bit through out the day. On the other hand, I haven't been having many issues with the nausea anymore, so maybe this is a good thing. I'm going to have to do some research though to find out how many extra calories a day I'm supposed to take in when pregnant.

The Ultrasound!

2008-10-06T09:01:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a long couple of days, and I've been so tired. I woke up this morning, got the kids off to school, came home to study some and ended up falling back asleep until 1030. I barely remember my husband coming home from work this morning at 9am.

So I had the official ultrasound on Friday. Despite what I thought, and what others had said, there is only one little bean in there. He has a strong heartbeat of 140bpm. The ultrasound technician pointed out where the brain was forming and you could see the heartbeat. She said I'm measuring a little ahead of where I thought I was. I am officially 7w5d today.

I would post a picture of the ultrasound, but my scanner isn't working right. I'll have one up within the next couple of days though. When I do, you will be able to see the cavity where the brain is forming, indicating his head, and the area where his heart is.

The look on G&K's faces when they heard the heartbeat, and saw the baby...that was priceless. K grinned a grin I had never seen before. It lit up his entire face. G, she became so...she was nearly speechless. Her jaw fell loose, and she stared at the little monitor in awe. She told me that she was proud of me...although I don't know what I did that was so special. I managed to get pregnant. I guess though, in this type of situation, that is something special and not to be taken lightly.

I have another ultrasound on October 17th and when that one is done I believe the RE will be releasing me to my regular OB. That means no more 3+ hour drives to get a check up.

The PEO is back, and it brought with it Morning Sickness!

2008-09-30T10:52:00.000-07:00

Well, things have gotten crazy over the past couple of weeks. The NC (nurse coordinator) called last week and said that she realized that the labs had done the wrong blood work. When she emailed me the new orders, I looked at them, and realized that she had ordered the wrong labwork...not that the lab had messed up.

So I went and had the blood drawn. The NC calls the next day and tells me that every looks great, the beta number is really high, then proceeds to tell me that they're switching me from the suppositories back to the PEO shots. I wanted to get sick, partly because the PEO shots were so bad for me, partly because morning sickness was getting to me. She told me that my progestrone levels were low, which is normal for the suppositories, but she wants to see them higher, so I'm back to the shots. I've taken 5 of them, and already I'm having issues walking, sleeping, and the heating pad is permanently glued to my bum. I have huge knots and it's painful! I keep reminding myself this is for the babies, this is for the babies, and I'm sure I'll get through it.

On top of that, I have morning sickness that lasts all day. I've lost three pounds in the past two days (or so) because I can't keep anything down. I have managed to keep toast down more often then not, and last night I was so hungry that I ate an Italian sub sandwich from Domino's Pizza. (I didn't keep it down but I ate it!) I called the NC today and asked for something to help quell the nausea, so hopefully I'll get some relief soon.

Friday October 3rd is the ultrasound! I'm so excited! Everyone I've talked to (all my friends) swear I'm having at least twins. I can't talk about the pregnancy without using the word "babies"...it's never baby. Add to that the fact that everyone swears I'm already 3 or so months pregnant, yeah...there are more likely then not multiple babies in there. (But hopefully no more then two!)

It's been a while

2008-09-18T04:54:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone! I apologize for taking so long to write. Things got really crazy this weekend, and I absolutely had to deal with that first.

So as many of know, I had blood work drawn on Friday to determine whether or not I was pregnant. (Apparently 5 HPTs isn't proof enough! :) ) Then Ike hit early Saturday morning, and my doctor's office was in it's path, so I lost contact with them. I tried all day Monday to get in touch with someone at their office, but to no avail. I got a hold of my regular OB and explained the situation, and the fact that I was going to run out of medication the next morning. If I didn't have those meds, I would most certainly miscarry. She told me that she couldn't give me the meds, but they would see if the RE in that office would help me. They were willing to see me if it was an emergency...and they deemed this an emergency. I was asked to come in Monday afternoon and they would give me the PEO shot, and some Estrace, and also do the next Beta test.

Well, that's when my RE decided to return my IM's phone calls...and he yelled at her! He told her that I knew I was supposed to stay on the medications and he didn't know why I was wasting their time. She told him I was out of medication, and boy was she upset!

So they got me more meds first thing the next morning, shipped directly to my house. That morning, Tuesday, I went and had a second beta test. Your beta is supposed to be drawn, then two days later drawn again, and then two days after the second, drawn again. Well, I had mine drawn on Friday...then decided of my own free will to have it drawn on Tuesday. I still don't haev the results from either test. Tuesday afternoon, after the second blood draw, I get a call from the doctor's office. No one has a clue what I'm talking about when I tell them I had blood work done. They didn't know I needed it. I explain what I'm talking about, and they tell me they'll find it. In the mean time, they're changing my medications around. Instead of giving myself a shot every night (WOOHOO NO MORE SHOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) they're going to have my insert a pill into my va-jay-jay three times a day (not as bad as shots, but way messier!)

So that's where things stand right now. My calendar says I'm supposed to have an ultrasound two weeks from today (as I am 5 weeks exactly today) but I haven't been called to schedule that, and I have no idea what's going on there.

Oh! And I got the most wonderful package in the mail today! I got a tin of Mrs. Fields cookies! They look so delicious! There are sugar cookies in the shape of flowers, with smiley faces in the center. There are chocolate chip cookies. And double chocolate chip! My IM included such a beautiful little note that made me cry (happy tears!) I'm so lucky to have found such great people! I can't wait to see the look on their faces at the first ultrasound!

Because you had a bad day...

2008-09-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

So I woke up this morning and my buttocks/hip area was so knotting up that it was causing my lower back to spasm. I called my family physician and explained to the nurse that I am pregnant and what's going on and she told me that because I'm pregnant, they can't give me anything for the muscle spasms. She told me to continue taking Tylenol. I've been sitting on the heating pad all day, and that has helped tons! I wonder if, perhaps, I'm not sitting on the heating pad long enough after giving myself the shots. So tonight, after I give myself the PIO shot, I will sit on the heating pad for longer then I have been.

I had blood drawn yesterday and was supposed to get the results no later then 6pm yesterday. However, because of Hurricane Ike, chances are I won't get my results until, at the earliest, Monday. I just hope that everyone there is ok, and stayed safe.

Well I'm tired, and am going to go lay down for a little rest.

What's the deal with the PIO?

2008-09-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

WARNING: The following blog contains candid shots of a person giving themselves a shot. If needles make you queasy, wait until tomorrow's blog...there won't be any needles. ;)

********************************************************************************

I had someone email me through my blog here. This person asked me what the shots were like. I want the people who read my blog and are considering becoming a surrogate to have all the information they possibly can...that is part of the reason I created this blog. With these people in mind, I about to show you what a PIO shot is all about.

There are two kinds of shots you take as a surrogate. The first is Lupron. You would use an insulin needle, similar to the one pictured on the left.

This medication is a subcutaneous injection (meaning it goes just under the skin) and it shuts down the body's normal hormone production, thus pushing the surrogate into menopause (basically). This allows the doctor to further control the surrogate's cycle and begin to ensure the surro's uterus is ready for the transfer right when the doctor needs her to be ready.

Side effects include, but are not limited to, hot flashes, night sweats, headaches, weight gain and at least with me...acne.

The next shot is the PIO, or Progesterone In Oil. Or in my case PEO, as I have Progesterone in Ethyl Oleate. The Progesterone can come in all types of oil from Extra Virgin Olive Oil to Sesame Oil. You use the needle to the right.

This medication is an inter-muscular injection (just like it sounds, the needle goes into the muscle). You use the needle to the right to draw up the medication, then you switch to another needle with just a bit thinner. (It is, however, just as long.)

Then comes the fun part. Once you've drawn up the medication, you need to ice the area where you will be giving yourself the injection. Although there are many areas to give yourself the shot, the best area is the hip/bum.

^Yep, that's me giving myself the shot in the upper outer part of my butt cheek. When you give yourself the shot, with no help from others, you get to twist yourself into a pretzel, inject the needle at the proper angle, and then begin to push the medication in. Because it is in an oil, the medication is very thick, and takes a little bit to get it all in. One trick I have learned: While you are icing your bum, your heating pad should be warming up for you to sit on when you're done. After you draw up your medication, put the syringe under the heating pad. This will warm the medication, making it easier to inject.

Once you've given yourself the shot, rub the area. This will help massage the oil into the muscle. After a minute or so, sit on a heating pad. Again, this helps the muscle, and the oil, loosen up, allowing the muscle to absorb the meds easier.

That's pretty much it. Well, except for the knots in the muscle from continuous injections, then the pain when sitting, walking...moving...but other then that, it's not that bad. You just keep reminding yourself why you're doing this. Every time I do this, I think of G & K holding their brand new baby. I think of the smile on their faces when they get to see their child for the first time. And I think of G's voice when she called me this morning to tell me she got the pictures of the positives I sent.

Then, well, then it's all worth it.

++++++++++ HPT +++++++++++

2008-09-09T05:47:00.001-07:00

The title says it all!

I POAS yesterday morning and got a positive. I was kind of nervous as it was really light, and decided to do with G & K what I would do with hubby...wait for the second test to be sure.

This morning rolled around (all too early if you ask me) and I POAS again...and sure as the sun rises in the morning, there it was! I'm pregnant and G & K are going to be parents!! I'm so excited for them!

Beyond POAS, not much is happening. I've been having bouts of morning sickness. I'm doing alright though. This morning, one of the dogs got sick, and that didn't help my morning sickness, but I survived it.

I pulled out the prenatal yoga DVDs and am doing those. I've gone back to really watching what I eat. I bought a bunch of belly bars last night and have those for snacks. I've been making protein shakes for quite a while now, and have added some extra fruits to those so they're even healthier and give the babies what they need. I've been taking a prenatal viatamin as well as the Estrace.

Oh...and the shots continue. :( My poor bum is a pin cushion. Every night I prepare to do the injection and I just keep reminding myself "It's almost over. It's almost over." Actually, last night's mantra was "This is for the babies. This is for the babies."

I think I changed the mantra because I finally know that there is at least one little embryo that stuck around...and so long as I hold on to that one little baby, I can get through how many ever weeks of shots I have to take.

The Life of a Surrogate Mother

Michael Christopher has arrived!

Sunday August 8, 2010

Saturday August 7, 2010

Wednesday August 4, 2010

No longer blogging

I found out....

It just keeps getting better...

No good deed goes unpunished...

No...Sleep...Till...

How do I do it?

Bleh...

Quick Letter

Quick Update

Update

It's the little things

88 days!

One year ago

Milestone!

An interesting article

Sleep? We don't need no stinking sleep!

Shh...don't tell anyone...

Is it worth it?

Hold out hope!

So much for sleeping...

Pity Party

*sigh*

Halfway there!

The half pound dilemma and other weighty issues

What's kickin'?

I'm selfish...

Bladder Bouncy House

And I was doing so well...

Quick Update

I don't have gas!

Chaos, Drama and a Nap...

Second Trimester...

New Personal Record!

A crazy week

Bleeding and Bed Rest

Happier Post

Bad Surrogacy Story Revisited

Quick Update

Help is on the way!

Hyperemesis and other Weighty issues

I'm so mad!

A little scare...but all is well

Holy....cow...

Today is the day...

I can do it!

An Update...

Morning Sickness....

Second Beta Results!

Second Beta!

The First Beta is in....

Beta Testing...

Bleh...

I gave in...

To POAS or not to POAS

Let the wait begin!

Wowza!

"Knot" Today

I'm back at it!

Thanks for the well wishes...

Superwoman falls...

I have delivered a healthy baby boy!

Interesting Night...

Quick Update

39 weeks...and I can't sleep

Appointment with Midwife Today!

Contractions and Back Labor

30 days left!

Are you serious?

Can't stop crying...

Abandoned by my OB...

In it for the money...

Quick Update...Labor scare

230 down...50 left to go

Off of bedrest...but only for a day!

Quick Update

sigh